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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 675852" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>When I was working in a job abo ut 8 years ago a co-worker said in front of colleagues and I--"Copa doesn't have any boundaries." It was a professional job. Where it mattered very much that I would have boundaries. It was in a prison.</p><p></p><p>To prove him, right, while I did not have the intention to do so, I said nothing.</p><p></p><p>To be honest, I did not know what he meant.</p><p></p><p>Now, I would say (I hope I would): What do you mean by that? So that he would have to own it, not me.</p><p></p><p>These years later it still hurts me, the unfinished business of that exchange. That I allowed myself to be tarnished. Be his victim. That I did not speak up for myself. Even if it was true, what he said. I could have used the opportunity to define myself, and my boundaries. By building them.</p><p></p><p>I just looked online: I asked google, What are personal boundaries?</p><p></p><p>This is what I took from the article I read.</p><p></p><p>Boundaries are places you will not go. They are your personal rules about your space, your body, your mind...where you will not allow others (or yourself) to intrude, to go past.</p><p></p><p>The article ended with an example by the author about how she as a child she was tickled by her older brother without mercy, until she could not bear the pain of it.</p><p></p><p>My father tickled me like that.</p><p></p><p>The author states that if we are subjected to treatment as children where we have no control over our minds, bodies, space--we feel the same lack of control as adults. We question our right to set limits. Or we just let it go by. Like I did with that man.</p><p></p><p>But now we can change. I need to remember that.</p><p></p><p>With our children. They need that. We cannot be the victims of our children. It is not good for us. Or for them.</p><p></p><p>Our problem, or my problem, is that my idea of love, I think, was bound up with a sense of a lack of control. I need to change that. I am changing it.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 675852, member: 18958"] When I was working in a job abo ut 8 years ago a co-worker said in front of colleagues and I--"Copa doesn't have any boundaries." It was a professional job. Where it mattered very much that I would have boundaries. It was in a prison. To prove him, right, while I did not have the intention to do so, I said nothing. To be honest, I did not know what he meant. Now, I would say (I hope I would): What do you mean by that? So that he would have to own it, not me. These years later it still hurts me, the unfinished business of that exchange. That I allowed myself to be tarnished. Be his victim. That I did not speak up for myself. Even if it was true, what he said. I could have used the opportunity to define myself, and my boundaries. By building them. I just looked online: I asked google, What are personal boundaries? This is what I took from the article I read. Boundaries are places you will not go. They are your personal rules about your space, your body, your mind...where you will not allow others (or yourself) to intrude, to go past. The article ended with an example by the author about how she as a child she was tickled by her older brother without mercy, until she could not bear the pain of it. My father tickled me like that. The author states that if we are subjected to treatment as children where we have no control over our minds, bodies, space--we feel the same lack of control as adults. We question our right to set limits. Or we just let it go by. Like I did with that man. But now we can change. I need to remember that. With our children. They need that. We cannot be the victims of our children. It is not good for us. Or for them. Our problem, or my problem, is that my idea of love, I think, was bound up with a sense of a lack of control. I need to change that. I am changing it. COPA [/QUOTE]
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