Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Newbie, Back Story
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="w_woody" data-source="post: 290107" data-attributes="member: 7714"><p>D has settled well into our home. His main problem here in our home had always been with my wife. Any task she asked of him he immediately would melt down. Something as simple as "please, don't climb on the back of the couch" set him off. He would go into a tantrum almost exactly like our 2 year old does when we take away something or tell her no. For me D behaves rather well, with only the occasional confrontation and meltdown. It's far less severe when I instruct him versus when my wife would do it.</p><p> </p><p>In school, his problem is what I would describe as a "shut down" when confronted with any task that he deems too difficult. He has excellent grades in school, because his teacher kept at him to complete all of his work. He is fully capable of doing his school work he simply shuts down when the teacher gives him the assignments. He would wad up the paper and throw it back at her...refuse to do the work and the harder she tried to reason with him the angrier and more violent it would get. My ex refused to go to school and sit with him because according to her own words "he won't listen to me." So my ex's mother my son's grandmother would go with him to school, everyday, for the last few months of school. Which took the burden of dealing with D's outbursts off the school. The school video taped this outbursts and even has a slapping match video'd between my son and his grandmother.</p><p> </p><p>I've been working to re-direct his anger by trying to get him to stop, and think. Most of these reactions where knee jerk responses to authority. He lacks any self-confidence in his own abilitys. When he first came back into my home on weekends (he was 5 and completing Kindergarden) he couldn't tie his shoes. His mom had bought him strap shoes and never attempted to teach him. It took a month (weekends only) but I got him to tie his shoes without so much as a fight...it was just a matter of getting him to realize he could do it. It's like he feels overwelhmed by the simplest task and simply shuts down rather than make any attempt to solve his problem.</p><p> </p><p>As far as his mother, she's not asked to see him. His grandmother asked to visit with him a week or so ago but I was reluctant to allow it without a court order because his grandmother has been sending him cards and letters containing inappropriate messages. She sent one letter with photos of his room and toys from their home asking him "what's missing....you!" and included a letter telling him to "pray to be sent home." When they call I allow him to talk to them but the last few times, his grandmother immediately asks him "When are you coming home?" Telling D to call her as soon as he's able to come home and she'll come and get him. I mean he's 7 and as I've told him it's not up to me or him when he gets to go back to see them. I do my best to encourage him to talk to me about them, especially if he's missing them. I tell him I understand I even helped him write a letter back to his grandmother (after the first one, which was pretty innocent) and even showed him how to address the outside of the envelope himself. </p><p> </p><p>His early relationship with his mother was never very strong. Immediately after D was born she looked at me and said she wanted a little girl. She's always been loving with him but distant. She refuses to disipline him at all...no timeouts anything. Once when he was 18 months old I was in the bathroom when I heard her yelling I came into the living room and she was yelling at him, explaining to him why he couldn't put some object he'd found into a light socket. I told her that he didn't understand anything she was saying that she simply had to take it away from him tell him No and there was no need to yell. She told me that I could do things my way and she would do things hers.</p><p> </p><p>Now, he spends most of his day playing with his younger siblings and my neice and seems to be doing better, especially with my wife. He's started to come around and give her hugs, and tell her hello when she comes home from work. (I'm laid off right now so I'm at home all day being Mr. Mom). When I first met my wife D and her where instantly in love. He was the first of us to invite her to spend the night, saying she could sleep in his bed and he'd sleep with- me. They used to fall asleep on the couch watching TV together. It wasn't until he spent so much time with his mom that those things changed.</p><p> </p><p>Right now I've really focused on the hitting, and am working out a rewards/allowance system for completing a few daily chores (making his bed) and goals like not hitting.</p><p> </p><p>I've really tried to emphisize him to eat a bit better, although this has become a much smaller issue. His diet consists of chicken mcnuggets, peanut butter sandwiches, grilled cheese sandwiches, bisquits, rolls, rice, cheese pizza...and that's it. I mean that is it. He will not eat anything outside of these items without some kind of confrontation. So we've only been focusing on "trying" new things. One bite of something different every day...we've already been able to incorporate a few new things into his diet.</p><p> </p><p>The good thing is my aunt is the secretary for the Special Education department in our county and has had that job for 20 years plus. She's going to help me find which school in our district would be the best for him and when and what tests he needs to take. My fear is because his mother has not filed for their hearing yet they are waiting to see if his behavior is better or worse when he goes to school...also TN vs. VA as far as hitting goes Tn is zero tolerance. If he strikes a teacher he will be out of school first time...there he was getting to do it just about every week.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="w_woody, post: 290107, member: 7714"] D has settled well into our home. His main problem here in our home had always been with my wife. Any task she asked of him he immediately would melt down. Something as simple as "please, don't climb on the back of the couch" set him off. He would go into a tantrum almost exactly like our 2 year old does when we take away something or tell her no. For me D behaves rather well, with only the occasional confrontation and meltdown. It's far less severe when I instruct him versus when my wife would do it. In school, his problem is what I would describe as a "shut down" when confronted with any task that he deems too difficult. He has excellent grades in school, because his teacher kept at him to complete all of his work. He is fully capable of doing his school work he simply shuts down when the teacher gives him the assignments. He would wad up the paper and throw it back at her...refuse to do the work and the harder she tried to reason with him the angrier and more violent it would get. My ex refused to go to school and sit with him because according to her own words "he won't listen to me." So my ex's mother my son's grandmother would go with him to school, everyday, for the last few months of school. Which took the burden of dealing with D's outbursts off the school. The school video taped this outbursts and even has a slapping match video'd between my son and his grandmother. I've been working to re-direct his anger by trying to get him to stop, and think. Most of these reactions where knee jerk responses to authority. He lacks any self-confidence in his own abilitys. When he first came back into my home on weekends (he was 5 and completing Kindergarden) he couldn't tie his shoes. His mom had bought him strap shoes and never attempted to teach him. It took a month (weekends only) but I got him to tie his shoes without so much as a fight...it was just a matter of getting him to realize he could do it. It's like he feels overwelhmed by the simplest task and simply shuts down rather than make any attempt to solve his problem. As far as his mother, she's not asked to see him. His grandmother asked to visit with him a week or so ago but I was reluctant to allow it without a court order because his grandmother has been sending him cards and letters containing inappropriate messages. She sent one letter with photos of his room and toys from their home asking him "what's missing....you!" and included a letter telling him to "pray to be sent home." When they call I allow him to talk to them but the last few times, his grandmother immediately asks him "When are you coming home?" Telling D to call her as soon as he's able to come home and she'll come and get him. I mean he's 7 and as I've told him it's not up to me or him when he gets to go back to see them. I do my best to encourage him to talk to me about them, especially if he's missing them. I tell him I understand I even helped him write a letter back to his grandmother (after the first one, which was pretty innocent) and even showed him how to address the outside of the envelope himself. His early relationship with his mother was never very strong. Immediately after D was born she looked at me and said she wanted a little girl. She's always been loving with him but distant. She refuses to disipline him at all...no timeouts anything. Once when he was 18 months old I was in the bathroom when I heard her yelling I came into the living room and she was yelling at him, explaining to him why he couldn't put some object he'd found into a light socket. I told her that he didn't understand anything she was saying that she simply had to take it away from him tell him No and there was no need to yell. She told me that I could do things my way and she would do things hers. Now, he spends most of his day playing with his younger siblings and my neice and seems to be doing better, especially with my wife. He's started to come around and give her hugs, and tell her hello when she comes home from work. (I'm laid off right now so I'm at home all day being Mr. Mom). When I first met my wife D and her where instantly in love. He was the first of us to invite her to spend the night, saying she could sleep in his bed and he'd sleep with- me. They used to fall asleep on the couch watching TV together. It wasn't until he spent so much time with his mom that those things changed. Right now I've really focused on the hitting, and am working out a rewards/allowance system for completing a few daily chores (making his bed) and goals like not hitting. I've really tried to emphisize him to eat a bit better, although this has become a much smaller issue. His diet consists of chicken mcnuggets, peanut butter sandwiches, grilled cheese sandwiches, bisquits, rolls, rice, cheese pizza...and that's it. I mean that is it. He will not eat anything outside of these items without some kind of confrontation. So we've only been focusing on "trying" new things. One bite of something different every day...we've already been able to incorporate a few new things into his diet. The good thing is my aunt is the secretary for the Special Education department in our county and has had that job for 20 years plus. She's going to help me find which school in our district would be the best for him and when and what tests he needs to take. My fear is because his mother has not filed for their hearing yet they are waiting to see if his behavior is better or worse when he goes to school...also TN vs. VA as far as hitting goes Tn is zero tolerance. If he strikes a teacher he will be out of school first time...there he was getting to do it just about every week. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Newbie, Back Story
Top