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Newbie! Help need advice!!
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<blockquote data-quote="wmh4bama" data-source="post: 388103"><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Thank you for all the advice.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Not sure what are "Natural consequences". Yesterday morning, it was because I told him NO, he was not taking candy to school (Halloween candy). So he decided not to finish fixing his lunch. I told him that was fine, he of course threw his normal tantrum. I told him he could go to school with no lunch or snack, if he wanted, that I was not bringing it to him! I told him to gather his lunch box and could take what he had already packed, I was leaving. When I picked him up from daycare he said he was starving, went into a tantrum that I was starving him, screaming yelling, telling me he hated me on and on because I was not getting supper fix fast enough for him. Even after I explain it takes time for stuff to cook. I sent him to his room. He finally calmed down enough right as I got finished to eat at the table. As soon as he seen what we was having (pork chops & potatoes) he started up again. He was not going to eat it, it was awful, nasty etc.. I want to live with my Daddy, he doesn't feed me like you do! I told him that was fine if he didn't want to eat it right now. BUT he was going to sit there until it was ate even if it was till morning. He finally started eating.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I do have a list on the fridge, had him write it out himself so he knew what was on there and how I expected it to be done and what time etc. He still will not follow it, unless I stand there reminding him what's on it and when it needs to be done. Seriously I don't have time for that, I already get up at 5am and have to be at the bus at 7:10am. This morning it was because I didn't help him comb his hair right, that he now hates his haircut that he BEGGED for, screamed yelled etc. I had to finish getting ready & eat, told him to get clothes on and if he was not ready I was leaving without him. It worked sorta.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Last night it was because he wanted a snack at bedtime. I told him NO, he should have thought about that before bedtime. Sent him to bed, he proceeded to kick his door, scream yell, throw things at it etc. I was so exhausted I just let him do it, he held on for an hour and half! Not one time did I response, it took all my will power not too. I was so tired I just wanted to fall in the bed. </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Also, I pick up another little boy daycare for a friend of mine. Everyday that turns in to a fight/argument. Neither one of them can get along with one another. I do have to say at least the other boy has a small excuse, he had spinal meningitis, which he had a stroke from and was in a coma. he lost alot of functions. Most have come back, he still has some issues with emotions though. difficult child knows this so he will literally push the boy to his breaking point on most days.</span><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"> Hes only there for about an hour.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I do not have many friends if I try to have friends over with their kids he is so mean and hateful. Most leave and end up dropping the friendship difficult child tries to tell me I can not talk to anyone, see anyone I tell him I am the adult and I will decide who I talk to and who I don't! He just don't get it. If I run into anyone he makes an A** of himself, and I have to make a quick exit.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Clear rules, Clear punishments Together we make a poster to hang up, he was good with that for a while, then it went to I don't care, take it away I could careless. It's no big deal with him. He gets use to the rules and punishments. So I have to change it up ALOT. I always have to watch what is done. His Daddy doesn't want to be daddy, he just wants to tell me how to raise our difficult child. I have started the choice idea you have one of two choices, it seem to work some of the time.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">When difficult child goes to DEX house for the weekend, he tells him lies, when I try to confront difficult child in front of DEX, he lies again and again. I get so **** off and upset, cause DEX always blames it on me. If we get into it, he or his monster calls DHR (child protection), I've been turned into them 3x for theirs lies. The first time was in the middle of the night, difficult child and I was both asleep, when DHR came and took him out of bed. Got him back 5 days later. Now that DHR has caught on to them, they call the cops instead telling them that I slapped my difficult child when I should have beaten him with a belt. DEX needs them to check it out. The cops have laughed in my face saying we have to atleast check it out make sure the child is ok, but they always say corporal punishment is legal in this state. We actually have to meet at the police department because of these things. I will not allow them at my house nor will I go to theirs. The last time I did go to theirs, monsters brother picked me up, threw me out of yard almost broke my wrist. They decided not give difficult child back. This goes on and on....YES, difficult child is watching, listening etc to all of this which is not good. However, DEX could put a stop to it, work together with me, instead he refuses and keeps adding to it.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Also, right now I'm not only dealing with difficult child, DEX, the school, working full-time, my father is on his death bed. They have sent him home from the hospital to basically wait on his to pass. My siblings have left it to me to hold my mom up, be the strong one. Cause I am the only child here in the state as parents. It's one of the hardest things I have ever faced, no one to hold me up, that's hard. Adding my difficult children issues to it is not helping right now. If my difficult child knows I have to go do something for my parents. He will throw the biggest tantrum. I literally have to pick him up and physically put him in the car. Then pray that I can get what needs to be done, done. I am about to lose it!!</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Extra info: Never married to DEX , only lived together for about the first 6 mos after difficult child was born. He has been in and out of difficult child's life. Going as much as a year at a time with out seeing talking to him. DEX tells difficult child that he pays me Child Support (I get it when he keeps a job) and that is difficult child's money, he needs to get it from me every month.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I hope its ok that this is so long, but I thought maybe a little more back ground would help.</span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="wmh4bama, post: 388103"] [FONT=Arial]Thank you for all the advice.[/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Arial]Not sure what are "Natural consequences". Yesterday morning, it was because I told him NO, he was not taking candy to school (Halloween candy). So he decided not to finish fixing his lunch. I told him that was fine, he of course threw his normal tantrum. I told him he could go to school with no lunch or snack, if he wanted, that I was not bringing it to him! I told him to gather his lunch box and could take what he had already packed, I was leaving. When I picked him up from daycare he said he was starving, went into a tantrum that I was starving him, screaming yelling, telling me he hated me on and on because I was not getting supper fix fast enough for him. Even after I explain it takes time for stuff to cook. I sent him to his room. He finally calmed down enough right as I got finished to eat at the table. As soon as he seen what we was having (pork chops & potatoes) he started up again. He was not going to eat it, it was awful, nasty etc.. I want to live with my Daddy, he doesn't feed me like you do! I told him that was fine if he didn't want to eat it right now. BUT he was going to sit there until it was ate even if it was till morning. He finally started eating.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I do have a list on the fridge, had him write it out himself so he knew what was on there and how I expected it to be done and what time etc. He still will not follow it, unless I stand there reminding him what's on it and when it needs to be done. Seriously I don't have time for that, I already get up at 5am and have to be at the bus at 7:10am. This morning it was because I didn't help him comb his hair right, that he now hates his haircut that he BEGGED for, screamed yelled etc. I had to finish getting ready & eat, told him to get clothes on and if he was not ready I was leaving without him. It worked sorta.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Last night it was because he wanted a snack at bedtime. I told him NO, he should have thought about that before bedtime. Sent him to bed, he proceeded to kick his door, scream yell, throw things at it etc. I was so exhausted I just let him do it, he held on for an hour and half! Not one time did I response, it took all my will power not too. I was so tired I just wanted to fall in the bed. [/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Arial]Also, I pick up another little boy daycare for a friend of mine. Everyday that turns in to a fight/argument. Neither one of them can get along with one another. I do have to say at least the other boy has a small excuse, he had spinal meningitis, which he had a stroke from and was in a coma. he lost alot of functions. Most have come back, he still has some issues with emotions though. difficult child knows this so he will literally push the boy to his breaking point on most days.[/FONT][SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] Hes only there for about an hour.[/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Arial]I do not have many friends if I try to have friends over with their kids he is so mean and hateful. Most leave and end up dropping the friendship difficult child tries to tell me I can not talk to anyone, see anyone I tell him I am the adult and I will decide who I talk to and who I don't! He just don't get it. If I run into anyone he makes an A** of himself, and I have to make a quick exit.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Clear rules, Clear punishments Together we make a poster to hang up, he was good with that for a while, then it went to I don't care, take it away I could careless. It's no big deal with him. He gets use to the rules and punishments. So I have to change it up ALOT. I always have to watch what is done. His Daddy doesn't want to be daddy, he just wants to tell me how to raise our difficult child. I have started the choice idea you have one of two choices, it seem to work some of the time.[/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Arial]When difficult child goes to DEX house for the weekend, he tells him lies, when I try to confront difficult child in front of DEX, he lies again and again. I get so **** off and upset, cause DEX always blames it on me. If we get into it, he or his monster calls DHR (child protection), I've been turned into them 3x for theirs lies. The first time was in the middle of the night, difficult child and I was both asleep, when DHR came and took him out of bed. Got him back 5 days later. Now that DHR has caught on to them, they call the cops instead telling them that I slapped my difficult child when I should have beaten him with a belt. DEX needs them to check it out. The cops have laughed in my face saying we have to atleast check it out make sure the child is ok, but they always say corporal punishment is legal in this state. We actually have to meet at the police department because of these things. I will not allow them at my house nor will I go to theirs. The last time I did go to theirs, monsters brother picked me up, threw me out of yard almost broke my wrist. They decided not give difficult child back. This goes on and on....YES, difficult child is watching, listening etc to all of this which is not good. However, DEX could put a stop to it, work together with me, instead he refuses and keeps adding to it.[/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Arial]Also, right now I'm not only dealing with difficult child, DEX, the school, working full-time, my father is on his death bed. They have sent him home from the hospital to basically wait on his to pass. My siblings have left it to me to hold my mom up, be the strong one. Cause I am the only child here in the state as parents. It's one of the hardest things I have ever faced, no one to hold me up, that's hard. Adding my difficult children issues to it is not helping right now. If my difficult child knows I have to go do something for my parents. He will throw the biggest tantrum. I literally have to pick him up and physically put him in the car. Then pray that I can get what needs to be done, done. I am about to lose it!![/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Arial]Extra info: Never married to DEX , only lived together for about the first 6 mos after difficult child was born. He has been in and out of difficult child's life. Going as much as a year at a time with out seeing talking to him. DEX tells difficult child that he pays me Child Support (I get it when he keeps a job) and that is difficult child's money, he needs to get it from me every month.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I hope its ok that this is so long, but I thought maybe a little more back ground would help.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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