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newbie- just venting off.
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 378597" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>You do have your hands full! It is hard to stay strong but you need to believe in yourself. You want what is best for your kids and you will do whatever it takes to provide that. Draw on that love for your children to be more assertive.</p><p> </p><p>Does your 21 have a job? Or is the work at uni homework? It has to be rough for the 2 year old to witness the behavior of your younger two kids and live with the stress it is causing.</p><p> </p><p>I hope the help you have coming in will help your 18 year old daughter. It is going to take a long time to heal her. I wonder if there is an in-patient hospital program for her? She is in need of a lot of tools to help conquer what she has been through and grow her self-esteem.</p><p> </p><p>Your 16 year old - It was very brave of you to try to talk to the neighbor. See, you are not a total mouse. You have the skill of knowing that conversations are the beginning of working things out. Many people do not realize that if they treat the kids with respect, they will get better results. The neighbor got angry and yelled which is a big no no to many difficult child's. They from that day forward view that person as mean and not worth listening to. Even when neighbors don't yell but try to communicate with the kids, the kids don't always respond well. My difficult child clashes with a neighbor. She tries so hard to do what is right but it finally came to the point where I had to ask her to let me handle any and all problems she had with difficult child. She never has been disrespectful but for some reason, difficult child has decided to not respond to her in positive ways. It doesn't help that she and I have totally different parenting technics (what two people would have similar?) so with her having a son the same age as difficult child, her ways will not work with my child - thus the clashes. She and I have found a way to work through things though sometimes it is difficult.</p><p> </p><p>Can you sit down with difficult child and have a talk that starts with, "difficult child, I know you do not seem to like the neighbor. When he is angry, I know you feel like you need to defend yourself. However, this is not working. Sometimes avoiding someone is much more peaceful. Can you try to avoid things going into the neighbor's yard? Is there a way you can play ball that will keep the ball in our yard? For awhile, can you ask me to retrieve a ball that goes over there?" Or something like that.</p><p> </p><p>It may help to call your local police support community officer. You can discuss the issue with him and see if he has any input/advise. It is a very wise idea to try to settle this before difficult child and/or the neighbor do something destructive to property or person.</p><p> </p><p>On your husband - I have no input but to say I do totally understand this one. My husband has a job that he travels alot. He has no clue as to how to discipline. If a situation arises, he will go to another room leaving me to finish (if I can). Some husband's just don't see how their support would make a world of difference sometimes. To have them step in between and say, "You will not treat your mother like that" would go so far! But alas, how to get that through them?</p><p> </p><p>Let us know how things are going!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 378597, member: 5096"] You do have your hands full! It is hard to stay strong but you need to believe in yourself. You want what is best for your kids and you will do whatever it takes to provide that. Draw on that love for your children to be more assertive. Does your 21 have a job? Or is the work at uni homework? It has to be rough for the 2 year old to witness the behavior of your younger two kids and live with the stress it is causing. I hope the help you have coming in will help your 18 year old daughter. It is going to take a long time to heal her. I wonder if there is an in-patient hospital program for her? She is in need of a lot of tools to help conquer what she has been through and grow her self-esteem. Your 16 year old - It was very brave of you to try to talk to the neighbor. See, you are not a total mouse. You have the skill of knowing that conversations are the beginning of working things out. Many people do not realize that if they treat the kids with respect, they will get better results. The neighbor got angry and yelled which is a big no no to many difficult child's. They from that day forward view that person as mean and not worth listening to. Even when neighbors don't yell but try to communicate with the kids, the kids don't always respond well. My difficult child clashes with a neighbor. She tries so hard to do what is right but it finally came to the point where I had to ask her to let me handle any and all problems she had with difficult child. She never has been disrespectful but for some reason, difficult child has decided to not respond to her in positive ways. It doesn't help that she and I have totally different parenting technics (what two people would have similar?) so with her having a son the same age as difficult child, her ways will not work with my child - thus the clashes. She and I have found a way to work through things though sometimes it is difficult. Can you sit down with difficult child and have a talk that starts with, "difficult child, I know you do not seem to like the neighbor. When he is angry, I know you feel like you need to defend yourself. However, this is not working. Sometimes avoiding someone is much more peaceful. Can you try to avoid things going into the neighbor's yard? Is there a way you can play ball that will keep the ball in our yard? For awhile, can you ask me to retrieve a ball that goes over there?" Or something like that. It may help to call your local police support community officer. You can discuss the issue with him and see if he has any input/advise. It is a very wise idea to try to settle this before difficult child and/or the neighbor do something destructive to property or person. On your husband - I have no input but to say I do totally understand this one. My husband has a job that he travels alot. He has no clue as to how to discipline. If a situation arises, he will go to another room leaving me to finish (if I can). Some husband's just don't see how their support would make a world of difference sometimes. To have them step in between and say, "You will not treat your mother like that" would go so far! But alas, how to get that through them? Let us know how things are going! [/QUOTE]
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