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newbie- just venting off.
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 379725" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You should be able to find the book at your local library. In the meantime, there are a lot of references to it on this site, including a sticky in the Early Childhood forum. It gives a bit of preview.</p><p></p><p>The incident you described with the neighbour - we had something similar happen on Wednesday. difficult child 1 had an appointment with the pediatrician. mother in law came along for the ride so I could take her shopping afterwards. I parked over the road from the doctor, angle parking rear to kerb. The doctor was running late so difficult child 3 & I looked through a nearby op-shop while mother in law sat in the car. difficult child 3 bought a board game and took it back to the car. He got in the car, put the game down then got back out. A man was about to back in to the spot beside us. When he parked, he got out and yelled abuse at difficult child 3 for standing there with the door open for so long, in the man's way while he parked. But mother in law and difficult child 3 both say that difficult child 3 had barely opened the car door to get out as the man drove up, and he then got out of the way in the usual time any person takes to get out of a car. mother in law said it was an old man, who should have known better. She said she was embarrassed by the man's language. Now, she is usually very quick to blame difficult child 3 for rudeness or for failing to behave in an appropriately subservient manner, but in this case her taking difficult child 3's side tells me that this old man was totally in the wrong. But to his credit, difficult child 3 did not react; he did not say anything to the man but let him vent, then walked away.</p><p></p><p>In years past, difficult child 3 would have yelled back at the man and got very defensive. He did not tis time, because he seems to have learned that in some cases, if you wait and ignore it, it will go away; it is of no consequence and the old man's opinion was clearly irrelevant.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 was on his way to meet up with me to go see the doctor. He told me about it as we walked in. mother in law told me about it later from her point of view when we got back to the car; her story matched difficult child 3's. The other car was long gone.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes people who are having a bad day take it out on other people. The older generation especially, will sometimes take things out on a kid or teenager, because in their experience, kids are not allowed to answer back and therefore are fair game. They can't vent and shriek at another adult for fear of being attacked or criticised, but kids have to take it. </p><p></p><p>I wish I'd been there when it happened; I probably would have praised difficult child 3, in front of the man, for his forbearance.</p><p></p><p>It is really important to catch your kid out doing something right, and praise him for it.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 379725, member: 1991"] You should be able to find the book at your local library. In the meantime, there are a lot of references to it on this site, including a sticky in the Early Childhood forum. It gives a bit of preview. The incident you described with the neighbour - we had something similar happen on Wednesday. difficult child 1 had an appointment with the pediatrician. mother in law came along for the ride so I could take her shopping afterwards. I parked over the road from the doctor, angle parking rear to kerb. The doctor was running late so difficult child 3 & I looked through a nearby op-shop while mother in law sat in the car. difficult child 3 bought a board game and took it back to the car. He got in the car, put the game down then got back out. A man was about to back in to the spot beside us. When he parked, he got out and yelled abuse at difficult child 3 for standing there with the door open for so long, in the man's way while he parked. But mother in law and difficult child 3 both say that difficult child 3 had barely opened the car door to get out as the man drove up, and he then got out of the way in the usual time any person takes to get out of a car. mother in law said it was an old man, who should have known better. She said she was embarrassed by the man's language. Now, she is usually very quick to blame difficult child 3 for rudeness or for failing to behave in an appropriately subservient manner, but in this case her taking difficult child 3's side tells me that this old man was totally in the wrong. But to his credit, difficult child 3 did not react; he did not say anything to the man but let him vent, then walked away. In years past, difficult child 3 would have yelled back at the man and got very defensive. He did not tis time, because he seems to have learned that in some cases, if you wait and ignore it, it will go away; it is of no consequence and the old man's opinion was clearly irrelevant. difficult child 3 was on his way to meet up with me to go see the doctor. He told me about it as we walked in. mother in law told me about it later from her point of view when we got back to the car; her story matched difficult child 3's. The other car was long gone. Sometimes people who are having a bad day take it out on other people. The older generation especially, will sometimes take things out on a kid or teenager, because in their experience, kids are not allowed to answer back and therefore are fair game. They can't vent and shriek at another adult for fear of being attacked or criticised, but kids have to take it. I wish I'd been there when it happened; I probably would have praised difficult child 3, in front of the man, for his forbearance. It is really important to catch your kid out doing something right, and praise him for it. Marg [/QUOTE]
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