Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
newbie seeking advice on dealing with sons behaviors
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="helpangel" data-source="post: 614852" data-attributes="member: 7170"><p>If this post is all over the place I apologize, having a bit of an ADD moment myself (too many idea's at once)</p><p></p><p>First and feel free to share this part with your son, ask him if when he was potty training how well he would have responded to being hit or scolded when ever he went somewhere other then in the toilet? He had gone in his diaper up till then but suddenly when he goes there he's being hit, can he imagine how confused his baby self would have been? Would he have learned how to use the potty or would he learn to fear whoever was hitting him?</p><p></p><p>When that little puppy was still with it's mom life was good, he went potty wherever and his mom cleaned it up. Now he has no mom, no litter mates and is in the hands of 2 giants that it can't figure out what they want from him. All he knows is they aren't happy.</p><p></p><p>I truly believe when training an animal if every time it potty's on the floor you whop it with a newspaper then throw it out the window eventually the animal will pee on the floor yelp like it's been hit and jump out the window. Because that's what you trained it to do... anyway how ever you need to twist this story to get thru to him he's doing it wrong and if continues is gonna ruin that dog do it.</p><p></p><p> ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p></p><p>Part 2 to this post </p><p>I noticed a lot of similarities to your situation with my own, though I have 3 "explosive kids" (that are now adults or real close) instead of one. My harsh reality is if I booted one of the girls out of here I would barely make rent and we couldn't afford utilities or food without the rent they pay me from their SSI. So a threat of "kicking them out" they know I can't enforce it, would do nothing but under mind me as the leader. They are also listed on the lease so landlord would have to legally evict that person. So kicking out is not an option - I had to figure out a way for this to not feel like a war zone all the time. I have a twisted version of PTSD (not post - cumulative or ongoing)and can't let myself get worked up to the point I snap and pose a danger to my kids.</p><p></p><p>Our 1 basic house rule is "treat others the way you want them to treat you" broken down into 3 subcategories</p><p></p><p>As common courtesy let someone know when you are leaving, when gonna be back - violators don't get yelled at but they come home to find out dinner was delicious but unfortunately gone (we didn't save you any thought you had dinner plans...)</p><p></p><p>No verbal aggression - screaming , swearing at, name calling they get ignored, if I have to leave room I do - my response is no response also I have nothing to say to verbal bully until whoever they offended has been honestly apologized to.</p><p></p><p>No physical aggression - assault is an automatic trip to jail or psychiatric hospital. (police choose which) no exceptions, destruction or disruption of property the guilty one has to make full restitution.</p><p></p><p>I'm sure many here are shaking their heads thinking this "do nothing discipline" couldn't possibly work; it's the best thing I've come up with so far. It is based on the idea's in a couple of Amy Sutherlands books about training exotic animals. Pretty much reward behavior you like and ignore the ones you don't. I can imagine a trainer who smacks a tiger doesn't live very long.</p><p></p><p>My son was diagnosis when 4yo, Angel diagnosis when she was 6yo and youngest has gotten services since 13 months. I don't think there is a parenting class out there I haven't completed -these kids whole life there were therapists coming in here with their proven DBT approved methods and sticker charts, rewards etc... I got injured many times, many therapists got injured and 2 that I know of switched careers and got out children's mental health after dealing with my kids.</p><p></p><p>The point I'm trying to make is every family is different so there is no one proven "cookie cutter" approach to discipline, figuring out what fits your family is gonna take some thought & research; when you figure out how want to proceed remember consistency is very important and never make a consequence that you can't enforce. </p><p></p><p>I hope some of this is helpful, use what you can and discard the rest... Nancy</p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="helpangel, post: 614852, member: 7170"] If this post is all over the place I apologize, having a bit of an ADD moment myself (too many idea's at once) First and feel free to share this part with your son, ask him if when he was potty training how well he would have responded to being hit or scolded when ever he went somewhere other then in the toilet? He had gone in his diaper up till then but suddenly when he goes there he's being hit, can he imagine how confused his baby self would have been? Would he have learned how to use the potty or would he learn to fear whoever was hitting him? When that little puppy was still with it's mom life was good, he went potty wherever and his mom cleaned it up. Now he has no mom, no litter mates and is in the hands of 2 giants that it can't figure out what they want from him. All he knows is they aren't happy. I truly believe when training an animal if every time it potty's on the floor you whop it with a newspaper then throw it out the window eventually the animal will pee on the floor yelp like it's been hit and jump out the window. Because that's what you trained it to do... anyway how ever you need to twist this story to get thru to him he's doing it wrong and if continues is gonna ruin that dog do it. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Part 2 to this post I noticed a lot of similarities to your situation with my own, though I have 3 "explosive kids" (that are now adults or real close) instead of one. My harsh reality is if I booted one of the girls out of here I would barely make rent and we couldn't afford utilities or food without the rent they pay me from their SSI. So a threat of "kicking them out" they know I can't enforce it, would do nothing but under mind me as the leader. They are also listed on the lease so landlord would have to legally evict that person. So kicking out is not an option - I had to figure out a way for this to not feel like a war zone all the time. I have a twisted version of PTSD (not post - cumulative or ongoing)and can't let myself get worked up to the point I snap and pose a danger to my kids. Our 1 basic house rule is "treat others the way you want them to treat you" broken down into 3 subcategories As common courtesy let someone know when you are leaving, when gonna be back - violators don't get yelled at but they come home to find out dinner was delicious but unfortunately gone (we didn't save you any thought you had dinner plans...) No verbal aggression - screaming , swearing at, name calling they get ignored, if I have to leave room I do - my response is no response also I have nothing to say to verbal bully until whoever they offended has been honestly apologized to. No physical aggression - assault is an automatic trip to jail or psychiatric hospital. (police choose which) no exceptions, destruction or disruption of property the guilty one has to make full restitution. I'm sure many here are shaking their heads thinking this "do nothing discipline" couldn't possibly work; it's the best thing I've come up with so far. It is based on the idea's in a couple of Amy Sutherlands books about training exotic animals. Pretty much reward behavior you like and ignore the ones you don't. I can imagine a trainer who smacks a tiger doesn't live very long. My son was diagnosis when 4yo, Angel diagnosis when she was 6yo and youngest has gotten services since 13 months. I don't think there is a parenting class out there I haven't completed -these kids whole life there were therapists coming in here with their proven DBT approved methods and sticker charts, rewards etc... I got injured many times, many therapists got injured and 2 that I know of switched careers and got out children's mental health after dealing with my kids. The point I'm trying to make is every family is different so there is no one proven "cookie cutter" approach to discipline, figuring out what fits your family is gonna take some thought & research; when you figure out how want to proceed remember consistency is very important and never make a consequence that you can't enforce. I hope some of this is helpful, use what you can and discard the rest... Nancy Nancy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
newbie seeking advice on dealing with sons behaviors
Top