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Newbie - Wondering if it is too late to help my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Running_for_the_shelter" data-source="post: 405474" data-attributes="member: 2960"><p>Here's another 2 cents for the pile:</p><p></p><p>Your son is already self-medicating. His brain chemistry is already messed up and he is going to do something to make himself feel better in the short term. If you get a real diagnosis from a real psychiatrist and medications are prescribed, yes, you still play a bit of a roulette game to find out which drug will work. But: 1) these drugs are chemically well-defined unlike the stuff the child is using and 2) the child will be monitored for side effects and improvement. Coming from a family of alcoholics and depressed people, I firmly believe that sheer will very seldom trumps the genetics of brain chemistry. The folks in my family who tried the anti-depressant route are doing much better than those who "didn't need" medical help or the "crutches" of pharmaceuticals. [Odd how Prozac was a crutch but liquor wasn't, huh?]</p><p></p><p>Second, many people do not do well in the face of anger. Anger scares them, so they are going to pound it down if they can. While I don't doubt this is worse for females in Utah, every situation I have seen in an educational or legal environment has been extremely punitive toward the person who expresses anger, whether male or female. It's not so much the "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar" method of persuasion, but the fact that people feel threatened when they find themselves with an angry person. Plus, it's a lot quicker to throw an angry person out or arrest him/her than it is to listen to the concerns, reflect and validate, and work toward a good solution. This is why documentation (I like bullet points with simple facts) is so valuable. When you yell, all they hear is yelling. A sheet of plain facts doesn't seem anywhere near as threatening. The irony is that the yelling is usually over soon and doesn't lead to physical violence but the sheet of facts can ultimately demonstrate of pattern of negligence on the part of the recipient and therefore actually be much more serious a threat. But that's not how humans are programmed and to get what you want, you have to work with the programming developed when saber-toothed tigers went after the guy with the stone spear looking for a mammoth.</p><p> </p><p></p><p>Good luck to you. And by the way -- it's never too late!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Running_for_the_shelter, post: 405474, member: 2960"] Here's another 2 cents for the pile: Your son is already self-medicating. His brain chemistry is already messed up and he is going to do something to make himself feel better in the short term. If you get a real diagnosis from a real psychiatrist and medications are prescribed, yes, you still play a bit of a roulette game to find out which drug will work. But: 1) these drugs are chemically well-defined unlike the stuff the child is using and 2) the child will be monitored for side effects and improvement. Coming from a family of alcoholics and depressed people, I firmly believe that sheer will very seldom trumps the genetics of brain chemistry. The folks in my family who tried the anti-depressant route are doing much better than those who "didn't need" medical help or the "crutches" of pharmaceuticals. [Odd how Prozac was a crutch but liquor wasn't, huh?] Second, many people do not do well in the face of anger. Anger scares them, so they are going to pound it down if they can. While I don't doubt this is worse for females in Utah, every situation I have seen in an educational or legal environment has been extremely punitive toward the person who expresses anger, whether male or female. It's not so much the "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar" method of persuasion, but the fact that people feel threatened when they find themselves with an angry person. Plus, it's a lot quicker to throw an angry person out or arrest him/her than it is to listen to the concerns, reflect and validate, and work toward a good solution. This is why documentation (I like bullet points with simple facts) is so valuable. When you yell, all they hear is yelling. A sheet of plain facts doesn't seem anywhere near as threatening. The irony is that the yelling is usually over soon and doesn't lead to physical violence but the sheet of facts can ultimately demonstrate of pattern of negligence on the part of the recipient and therefore actually be much more serious a threat. But that's not how humans are programmed and to get what you want, you have to work with the programming developed when saber-toothed tigers went after the guy with the stone spear looking for a mammoth. Good luck to you. And by the way -- it's never too late! [/QUOTE]
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