Estherfromjerusalem
Well-Known Member
He phoned me today. I was at work, and I took my cellphone outside because obviously I couldn't talk to him when I was surrounded by fellow-workers. (I work at a newspaper, and it is all open plan, and everyone can hear everyone all the time.)
He said "You said you wanted to talk to me." So I told him first of all, that I love him, and that I have always done everything imaginable for him, that I had done more for him than for all the other children put together. He said "I know." Then he said, "Why don't you want me to come back home? Do you really mean it, that you don't want me back home?" For a split second I felt sorry for him, and then I thought, I won't be able to face my friends on the Board if I let him come home, so be strong Esther. And I told him: "No, I do not want you to come back home." He asked me why, and I said: No one threw you out. You have been living oi your own place with your girlfriend for six months, you had a good job which you left. You are young and healthy, go out and find work, and support yourself." He said: "But I won't have anywhere to live, and I will be out in the street!" I said, "You won't be out in the street, you know you can cope. And I just can't cope with having you back at home. This past six months I got used to a different pace of life, and I can't cope with the nerves and the arguments between you and your father. My blood pressure is very high, I'm going to be 64." And then -- I can't believe I said this -- I said: "I'm going to be 64. Soon I will be old. I want some time to enjoy life still while I can. After all these years, I have decided that I have to consider myself first!" I can't believe I said that. He was flabbergasted. He started bad-mouthing me."Sure, put yourself first, how selfish, when your son will be out on the street etc. etc. etc."
I don't know. Something deep inside me seems to have changed gear. I did raise my voice a bit because he was shouting at me down the phone. But I felt calm, and in the end he said to me: "Have a good life, and have a good Passover because you won't be seeing me again! Goodbye."
Of course I am a bit upset, but not very badly. First of all, I know he will not stay out of touch for long. And I kept on remembering what you all had said in my other post -- I think it was Witz who said it -- that he would advance and grow from this. Anyway, in my mind that's what I had to do, and I did it.
I wonder how long it will be until he tries again! Probably a couple of days, but my mind is now so made up. My oldest child is 40. I think 40 years is long enough to devote myself to my family and wear myself out for them. Enough is enough. Truly, I want some peace and quiet.
Love, Esther
He said "You said you wanted to talk to me." So I told him first of all, that I love him, and that I have always done everything imaginable for him, that I had done more for him than for all the other children put together. He said "I know." Then he said, "Why don't you want me to come back home? Do you really mean it, that you don't want me back home?" For a split second I felt sorry for him, and then I thought, I won't be able to face my friends on the Board if I let him come home, so be strong Esther. And I told him: "No, I do not want you to come back home." He asked me why, and I said: No one threw you out. You have been living oi your own place with your girlfriend for six months, you had a good job which you left. You are young and healthy, go out and find work, and support yourself." He said: "But I won't have anywhere to live, and I will be out in the street!" I said, "You won't be out in the street, you know you can cope. And I just can't cope with having you back at home. This past six months I got used to a different pace of life, and I can't cope with the nerves and the arguments between you and your father. My blood pressure is very high, I'm going to be 64." And then -- I can't believe I said this -- I said: "I'm going to be 64. Soon I will be old. I want some time to enjoy life still while I can. After all these years, I have decided that I have to consider myself first!" I can't believe I said that. He was flabbergasted. He started bad-mouthing me."Sure, put yourself first, how selfish, when your son will be out on the street etc. etc. etc."
I don't know. Something deep inside me seems to have changed gear. I did raise my voice a bit because he was shouting at me down the phone. But I felt calm, and in the end he said to me: "Have a good life, and have a good Passover because you won't be seeing me again! Goodbye."
Of course I am a bit upset, but not very badly. First of all, I know he will not stay out of touch for long. And I kept on remembering what you all had said in my other post -- I think it was Witz who said it -- that he would advance and grow from this. Anyway, in my mind that's what I had to do, and I did it.
I wonder how long it will be until he tries again! Probably a couple of days, but my mind is now so made up. My oldest child is 40. I think 40 years is long enough to devote myself to my family and wear myself out for them. Enough is enough. Truly, I want some peace and quiet.
Love, Esther
-RM
