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Nice 11 yo Boy with- Big Passive Aggressive Problems
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 149974" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome aboard. And nobody here is going to judge you for smacking the child occasionally, in the past. For many of us here, we've found it doesn't work, and there can be other reasons for us to not smack, but if a parent here says smacking is working for them, and they are not doing it to cause harm or for vengeance - who are we to argue? I suspect that with just about all of us, very few of us haven't smacked at some stage. If you went back a generation, i would say that even fewer of us were raised with no smacking.</p><p></p><p>Times change. Smacking is falling out of favour now, but that doesn't mean that those who have ever smacked their kids, are evil or abusive. We're a bit more wary on the subject here in Australia, because right next door in New Zealand it is now illegal to smack your child. That was brought in because apparently in some families there, the smacking DOES reach the point of abuse but the parents don't see it that way because it was how they were raised. So the government, to make it a blanket rule, said "no smacking ever, at all, by anyone."</p><p></p><p>You definitely are not a wicked stepmother, not with all you're doing. I understand the level of your concern - how on earth do you cope?</p><p></p><p>While some of his behaviour might be him trying to break up your marriage, I think there is a great deal more going on here. I had a good friend i my teens who was trying to break up her mother's remarriage, and I remember (with shame) the things we used to do and say to her stepfather, at her instigation. But she never did anything like this. Breaking his own toys? Cleaning the pool for hours? And yet showing no anger or irritation, ever. And yet he keeps disappearing? He's got to be feeling anger in there, somewhere. And yet he won't express it? Frankly, if he were trying to harm your relationship then venting his anger constantly would be a good start.</p><p></p><p>I think you are very right to be so concerned for him - this goes way beyond, "I'm not happy that my father has remarried." He is unstable and trying to find his own ways to regain stability, only he doesn't know what is wrong or where to start.</p><p></p><p>Stick around here, people here can help. Also, if you can get your husband to stick around here too, it might help him. There are other blokes here, so he won't be on his own in an all-female enclave!</p><p></p><p>I hope you can get the answers you need for this poor lad. It sounds like he's been falling through the cracks of the system for far too long.</p><p></p><p>If nothing else, the people on this site will give you the confidence to say to doctors, "There IS something wrong - help him."</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 149974, member: 1991"] Welcome aboard. And nobody here is going to judge you for smacking the child occasionally, in the past. For many of us here, we've found it doesn't work, and there can be other reasons for us to not smack, but if a parent here says smacking is working for them, and they are not doing it to cause harm or for vengeance - who are we to argue? I suspect that with just about all of us, very few of us haven't smacked at some stage. If you went back a generation, i would say that even fewer of us were raised with no smacking. Times change. Smacking is falling out of favour now, but that doesn't mean that those who have ever smacked their kids, are evil or abusive. We're a bit more wary on the subject here in Australia, because right next door in New Zealand it is now illegal to smack your child. That was brought in because apparently in some families there, the smacking DOES reach the point of abuse but the parents don't see it that way because it was how they were raised. So the government, to make it a blanket rule, said "no smacking ever, at all, by anyone." You definitely are not a wicked stepmother, not with all you're doing. I understand the level of your concern - how on earth do you cope? While some of his behaviour might be him trying to break up your marriage, I think there is a great deal more going on here. I had a good friend i my teens who was trying to break up her mother's remarriage, and I remember (with shame) the things we used to do and say to her stepfather, at her instigation. But she never did anything like this. Breaking his own toys? Cleaning the pool for hours? And yet showing no anger or irritation, ever. And yet he keeps disappearing? He's got to be feeling anger in there, somewhere. And yet he won't express it? Frankly, if he were trying to harm your relationship then venting his anger constantly would be a good start. I think you are very right to be so concerned for him - this goes way beyond, "I'm not happy that my father has remarried." He is unstable and trying to find his own ways to regain stability, only he doesn't know what is wrong or where to start. Stick around here, people here can help. Also, if you can get your husband to stick around here too, it might help him. There are other blokes here, so he won't be on his own in an all-female enclave! I hope you can get the answers you need for this poor lad. It sounds like he's been falling through the cracks of the system for far too long. If nothing else, the people on this site will give you the confidence to say to doctors, "There IS something wrong - help him." Marg [/QUOTE]
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Nice 11 yo Boy with- Big Passive Aggressive Problems
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