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No contact 3 months with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 584941" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>RM said it well. Also, when my son left our family, I found counseling very good at helping me to both understand what happened, why it happened, and to be less dependent on making sure my kids liked me. My son had not come into our family until age six and we loved him like all the other kids, but he couldn't feel that way. He got angry about a bunch of petty things and wouldn't allow us to fix it so we learned to go on without him. I, in particular, have learned to value deeply those who do care about me and my feelings and who display love toward me...maybe I would have taken them for granted if this event had not happened. My son is a very angry person and it's really HIS problem, not mine. It has been six years now and life is good. </p><p></p><p>I'm not telling you to give up on your daughter, but at some point she should get over this or else it is really HER personality, HER problem, not yours. Also, I don't recommend pushing her to contact you. I think that just makes things worse. I used to write letters. I found out my son archived all my letters in his computer for chits and giggles. They did not move him one bit and I haven't written anything to him since I found that out. </p><p></p><p>I can understand your daughter being upset in the short term. But if you hereafter leave her out of your romantic life, and she never forgives you, doesn't it seem as if the problem is with her? Think back and I'll bet you will see she has been difficult, inflexible, and unreasonable at other times. It's one thing to disagree with your family members. That happens to all of us all of the time. It's another one to NEVER forgive. That takes a special kind of meanness unless an incredible incident of trust was broken. </p><p></p><p>Concentrate on the things you love to do...your hobbies, your ways of relaxing, anything. Be kind and interactive with those who you know love you unconditionally. I wish my own mother had loved me as much as you love your daughter. Instead, she didn't like something I did (and it wasn't a big thing either) and she never spoke to me again in a normal way then she disinherited me, which broke my heart. It wasn't the money either. She didn't have much. It was the fact that she was telling me how little I meant to her even from the grave.</p><p></p><p>I had to get over that too.</p><p></p><p>Go for help so that you can learn to take care of yourself in a healthy way. With or without your daughter, you deserve a good rest of your life. The less you worry or think about her, perhaps the more apt she is to come back, but dwelling on it won't make her do it. </p><p></p><p>I wish you the best and understand how it feels to be rejected by a loved one too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 584941, member: 1550"] RM said it well. Also, when my son left our family, I found counseling very good at helping me to both understand what happened, why it happened, and to be less dependent on making sure my kids liked me. My son had not come into our family until age six and we loved him like all the other kids, but he couldn't feel that way. He got angry about a bunch of petty things and wouldn't allow us to fix it so we learned to go on without him. I, in particular, have learned to value deeply those who do care about me and my feelings and who display love toward me...maybe I would have taken them for granted if this event had not happened. My son is a very angry person and it's really HIS problem, not mine. It has been six years now and life is good. I'm not telling you to give up on your daughter, but at some point she should get over this or else it is really HER personality, HER problem, not yours. Also, I don't recommend pushing her to contact you. I think that just makes things worse. I used to write letters. I found out my son archived all my letters in his computer for chits and giggles. They did not move him one bit and I haven't written anything to him since I found that out. I can understand your daughter being upset in the short term. But if you hereafter leave her out of your romantic life, and she never forgives you, doesn't it seem as if the problem is with her? Think back and I'll bet you will see she has been difficult, inflexible, and unreasonable at other times. It's one thing to disagree with your family members. That happens to all of us all of the time. It's another one to NEVER forgive. That takes a special kind of meanness unless an incredible incident of trust was broken. Concentrate on the things you love to do...your hobbies, your ways of relaxing, anything. Be kind and interactive with those who you know love you unconditionally. I wish my own mother had loved me as much as you love your daughter. Instead, she didn't like something I did (and it wasn't a big thing either) and she never spoke to me again in a normal way then she disinherited me, which broke my heart. It wasn't the money either. She didn't have much. It was the fact that she was telling me how little I meant to her even from the grave. I had to get over that too. Go for help so that you can learn to take care of yourself in a healthy way. With or without your daughter, you deserve a good rest of your life. The less you worry or think about her, perhaps the more apt she is to come back, but dwelling on it won't make her do it. I wish you the best and understand how it feels to be rejected by a loved one too. [/QUOTE]
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