Non-easy child learns a hard lesson

[Andy]

Unbelievable - I have warned non-easy child that J is a con-artist and to not get involved. Well, she has paid for part of his rent AND put an internet account for him in HER name. She is legally responsible to pay for monthly internet, he is to rent the modem (in her name so again she is legally responsible).

So, J skips town - no forwarding address - no nothing. He left his apt open so non-easy child diva entered it to get the numbers she needed to cancel the account. She had J's ex-girlfriend S (mom of his baby girl) take the modem out of the apt so she can return it to the company. J gave S keys to his apartment so she has authority to enter it.

While non-easy child was in the apt finding the numbers to discontinue the internet service that is in her name, she found the address of J's latest victim who bought him a brand new car - imagine that! I told non-easy child to write up a bill of what J owes her and mail it to him certified. She will never get that money back.

I told non-easy child diva to NEVER EVER put anyone's expenses in her name. If it is not able to be put in the person's name, that person will almost 100 percent not pay her.

I think she got out of this one cheap. I am almost hoping he will not pay her back (I am sure he skipped town as rent, child expenses, unpaid personal loans, etc. piled so high that someone started to pressure him to own up to his bills). If she does not get the money back, the lesson will be sure to start sinking in! (I can hope)

husband is going to hit the roof when he hears about this one. Non-easy child diva owes him so much money and here she is supporting others instead of paying her debts.

Non, Non, Non, Non easy child DIVA!!!!

 

[totoro]

Oh, I hope she learns something from this! Is it naive, gullible, needy or what? Why do kids or anyone for that matter do things like this.
I know why the druggy people do it!
But why do other people do it!
Don't people have any morals? I guess another one that will get his Karma... hopefully!

 

[Andy]

Non-easy child Diva is a naive enabler. She isn't mature enough to recognize a con-artist. J is about 5/6 years older and a charmer. He can talk his way out of anything. I think she had a crush on him.

She also has a huge heart and will do whatever she can to help someone, thus the taxi cab she has become (though she does make people pay for gas) and whatever other ways she thinks she can help.

This is one reason we do not give her gas money. She can earn her own and if she doesn't have the gas to taxi, her friends have to provide the gas if they want a ride.

She usually has better judgment of people but she is still so young for that judgment to be as healthy as it should be.

 

[Jena]

Andy i know your upset, yet you have been warning her left and right about this person. This is actually a good thing if you look at it in a positive way. not that you get to say hey i was right, i know tha'Tourette's Syndrome not the point of it for you. Yet for her to realize her lack of judement regarding the entire thing.

Maybe now she can take some quiet time and realize at the end of the day that you were doing this out of your love for her not your need to control her friends etc.

i'd also let her get outta this one on her own also. I think this is going to really teach her something. I"m glad it finally came to a head, it was so due.

I'm so sorry your frustrated though. it can be so hard when their almost adults yet not. so confusing also.

 

[Andy]

I am actually doing a great job being detached from this one.

She has J's dad's name and asked me if I would call him. I said "No, you can call J's dad. Tell him J owes you money and ask where you can send the bill." However, she is sure he is living with his newest girlfriend. I did tell her if she did send him a bill to send it certified. So, she gets to learn what a certified letter is all about.

I also told her to drop it, let it go and go forward.

She is being a drama queen about it. She is so angry she says she will punch him in the face if she sees him again. She also told me that if I ran into him to back up and drive over him again. (Gladly, except for the fact I want nothing to do with this one)

I just tell her to take this as a hard lesson, walk away, and don't ever loan money or put anything in your name again.

She really doesn't know how easy she got out of this one!

So, I will give advise but it is up to her to follow through on anything - I will not take on that responsibility. I will not make phone calls, write letters, whatever. She put herself in, she can take herself out (hokey pokey!) It is nice that she is 18 and an adult. Makes my detaching easier - maybe "18" is a magical number and a good thing for parents (it has been my favorite number for forever - now it has a new reason to be a favorite).

 

[TerryJ2]

I will not take on that responsibility. I will not make phone calls, write letters, whatever. She put herself in, she can take herself out

Absolutely. I'd have read her the riot act on that one. YOU should call the dad? I don't think so!!!

So sorry.
But I'm glad it's a reasonably small amt of $, that she can pay back in a few mo's if she's got a steady income.
Sigh.

 

[ML]

You're doing great. I'm sorry to hear she somehow inherited the enabling gene. If she can learn from this you're right, the cost will be cheap indeed. Your detaching from this is also a good example for her to learn. You're showing her that the rescue cycle stops here.

 

[Hound dog]

Yep. She got off cheap. My easy child and sister in law didn't listen to me about co-signing for people. They are currently paying back a 40,000 loan that isn't even really theirs.

Hopefully it's a lesson learned. Fingers crossed.

Hugs

 

[trinityroyal]

Andy, good for you for staying detached and letting Non-easy child-Diva deal with the consequences of her actions.

And you're right. She is getting off relatively cheaply on this. I hope that J doesn't have access to any of her account information. If he has all of the numbers, and clearance to make changes to the internet service, then there's not a lot stopping him from using your daughter's information to set up new accounts wherever he has skipped to, leaving her stuck with the bills.

I hope that she does learn from this. I know that it can feel good to be the youngest in a crowd and still be the most "together". However, there's usually a good reason why the older folks in the group need to be looked after. The flip-side of helpful is patsy.

Sending hugs,
Trinity

 

[Wiped Out]

Andy,
You are handling this beautifully and hopefully she will learn her lesson!!