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General Parenting
Nope, she just doesn't stop....
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 387461" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Marg is completely right. NO WAY will any of the hyenas who surround people who make choices like your difficult child does give her a dime without expecting a substantial return on that investment. The only options for her to give them that repayment are pretty ugly. </p><p> </p><p>difficult child does NOT want to come home and live by your rules. As going to treatment and then making choices that abide by the rules in your home are the conditions that you put on her return to your home, I don't see much that you can really do for her. If the relatives do not want her at their homes it is perfectly reasonable and understandable. Maybe now they will be more supportive of the hard choices you have had to make regarding your difficult child. After all, they had a chance to do what they thought that you couldn't or wouldn't. Now they know that all those things that they thought they could do better than you could do for difficult child simply don't work as she refuses to follow even the most basic rules of a family. </p><p> </p><p>I think it is time to throw the responsibility for what happens to/for/with difficult child onto difficult child's shoulders. You have done all that could be done to try to get her to live a life that follows the most basic rules of a family. The relatives won't let her in their homes. Ask her what SHE plans to do now that she has gotten kicked out of the last relative's home that was open to her, now that the last of the "rescuing relatives" has learned the harsh realities of life with difficult child and her choices.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of figuring out somewhere for her to live and trying to find another person to give her a roof to sleep under and food to eat, let HER figure all this out. She is adult enough to do drugs, to steal medications from relatives, to abuse the hospitality of every single relative who ever gave her even 1/4 of a chance to change her life. Let difficult child stand, or fall, on her own two feet.</p><p> </p><p>I am NOT saying cut off all contact. Just let her know that the $$ won't be coming if she expects any from you, that if she shows up on your doorstep she won't be allowed to stay for even one night, and that she has consistently shown that she does NOT want to live life by anyone else's rules so she can go live it by her own rules and make her own way.</p><p> </p><p>In other words, give her the independence she has demanded by her actions. She has shown you, and most every other family member, that she wants to live life by her own rules. Well, those rules are choices and choices have consequences. Her consequences (NOT punishment or reward imposed by you, NATURAL and LOGICAL consequences of her CHOICES) are that she has to find a place to live, food to eat, and money to support herself. She can get a J-O-B to put food on the table and to get a table if she so desires, or she can continue to choose drugs and the rough life of an addict, but she won't be doing it on your $$.</p><p> </p><p>It isn't going to be easy, fun or anything you ever dreamed that life with an "adult" child would be, but it is what SHE is choosing. Keep focusing on the knowledge that she is CHOOSING to live a certain way, and you have to let her go until she finds her own bottom and rescues herself. </p><p> </p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 387461, member: 1233"] Marg is completely right. NO WAY will any of the hyenas who surround people who make choices like your difficult child does give her a dime without expecting a substantial return on that investment. The only options for her to give them that repayment are pretty ugly. difficult child does NOT want to come home and live by your rules. As going to treatment and then making choices that abide by the rules in your home are the conditions that you put on her return to your home, I don't see much that you can really do for her. If the relatives do not want her at their homes it is perfectly reasonable and understandable. Maybe now they will be more supportive of the hard choices you have had to make regarding your difficult child. After all, they had a chance to do what they thought that you couldn't or wouldn't. Now they know that all those things that they thought they could do better than you could do for difficult child simply don't work as she refuses to follow even the most basic rules of a family. I think it is time to throw the responsibility for what happens to/for/with difficult child onto difficult child's shoulders. You have done all that could be done to try to get her to live a life that follows the most basic rules of a family. The relatives won't let her in their homes. Ask her what SHE plans to do now that she has gotten kicked out of the last relative's home that was open to her, now that the last of the "rescuing relatives" has learned the harsh realities of life with difficult child and her choices. Instead of figuring out somewhere for her to live and trying to find another person to give her a roof to sleep under and food to eat, let HER figure all this out. She is adult enough to do drugs, to steal medications from relatives, to abuse the hospitality of every single relative who ever gave her even 1/4 of a chance to change her life. Let difficult child stand, or fall, on her own two feet. I am NOT saying cut off all contact. Just let her know that the $$ won't be coming if she expects any from you, that if she shows up on your doorstep she won't be allowed to stay for even one night, and that she has consistently shown that she does NOT want to live life by anyone else's rules so she can go live it by her own rules and make her own way. In other words, give her the independence she has demanded by her actions. She has shown you, and most every other family member, that she wants to live life by her own rules. Well, those rules are choices and choices have consequences. Her consequences (NOT punishment or reward imposed by you, NATURAL and LOGICAL consequences of her CHOICES) are that she has to find a place to live, food to eat, and money to support herself. She can get a J-O-B to put food on the table and to get a table if she so desires, or she can continue to choose drugs and the rough life of an addict, but she won't be doing it on your $$. It isn't going to be easy, fun or anything you ever dreamed that life with an "adult" child would be, but it is what SHE is choosing. Keep focusing on the knowledge that she is CHOOSING to live a certain way, and you have to let her go until she finds her own bottom and rescues herself. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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Nope, she just doesn't stop....
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