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<blockquote data-quote="Marcie Mac" data-source="post: 451755" data-attributes="member: 47"><p>I am not a cryer - I was taught early if I cried, I would really get something to cry about. My mother died in May, and I have yet to shed more than a tear or two. Am sure that side of the family thought I was a cold fish that I was not tearing at my hair and wailing, but honestly, she and I were not close. I felt guilty because I felt a sense of relief, partly because she was not suffering as I hate to see anyone suffer, and was grateful she was clueless at the end about her situation. But moreover, I was finally free of all of the negative imput I was given any time I talked to her. I wanted to claw at my face as her take on life was all doom and gloom, and nothing I ever did was right. </p><p></p><p>SO's mom is living with us now - I think about my mom from time to time when his mom and I are having a laugh, or having fun looking thru stuff brought from storage, when we all sit down for a meal and no one comments on whether or not I made too much, or too little, didn't cook it long enough, used too much salt, overcooked it LOL. </p><p></p><p>It makes me sad that these are the kinds of thoughts that remain with me about my mother whenever I think about her - negative to the inth degree. I told SO I was worried something was wrong with me that I wasn't "tearful" enough. LOL </p><p></p><p>I think the fact that I do think about her and feel sad now and then is all I am going to be able to muster on her behalf</p><p></p><p>Marcie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marcie Mac, post: 451755, member: 47"] I am not a cryer - I was taught early if I cried, I would really get something to cry about. My mother died in May, and I have yet to shed more than a tear or two. Am sure that side of the family thought I was a cold fish that I was not tearing at my hair and wailing, but honestly, she and I were not close. I felt guilty because I felt a sense of relief, partly because she was not suffering as I hate to see anyone suffer, and was grateful she was clueless at the end about her situation. But moreover, I was finally free of all of the negative imput I was given any time I talked to her. I wanted to claw at my face as her take on life was all doom and gloom, and nothing I ever did was right. SO's mom is living with us now - I think about my mom from time to time when his mom and I are having a laugh, or having fun looking thru stuff brought from storage, when we all sit down for a meal and no one comments on whether or not I made too much, or too little, didn't cook it long enough, used too much salt, overcooked it LOL. It makes me sad that these are the kinds of thoughts that remain with me about my mother whenever I think about her - negative to the inth degree. I told SO I was worried something was wrong with me that I wasn't "tearful" enough. LOL I think the fact that I do think about her and feel sad now and then is all I am going to be able to muster on her behalf Marcie [/QUOTE]
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