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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 451769" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>Marcie, I think you are also completely NORMAL in your grief process with your Mom.</p><p></p><p>Who says that anyone should be more or less tearful in their grieving process? </p><p></p><p><strong>Marcie</strong>, Why should there be any more? Grieving is a process you do for yourself, not the deceased.</p><p></p><p><strong>Steely</strong>, Why should there be any less? Grieving is a process you do for yourself, not the deceased.</p><p></p><p></p><p>2 years ago I was blindsided when an old friend died. He was more than "just a friend" but not a 'flame' either. We met and shared one weekend at a mutual friend's wedding. Our time was brief, but he was one of the few that I always remembered. Apparently I was the same for him. I just could not stop crying, and thought something was "wrong" with me, but I realized that what I was grieving was the "could have been"s because since my husband left, I had started resurrecting fantasies from the past. Eventually I learned some things about him that instantly eradicated any fantasies I had of a 'possible' reunion. Once the "could have been"s were gone, my grieving was done.</p><p></p><p>My own mother died when I was 5. I grieved for decades. When I was about 32 I finally came to terms with the "could have been"s of the loss of my mother. I had always believed that my life "would have been" different if she had not died. And yes, it really would have been monumentally different, <strong>but different does not always mean better</strong>. When I realized THAT, my grieving was finally done.</p><p></p><p>I think that it's these "could have been"s or "should have been"s or "would have been"s are what we are pining for, and that is what we call grieving. One more kiss, one more hug, one more chat, reunification, resolution, forgiveness, an apology, acceptance, understanding, more time, whatever. I think that people who don't seem to grieve as much simply accept things for the way they are and move on (Marcie and Steely's Mom). Doesn't make the more emotional grievers less normal. (Steely and me)</p><p></p><p> Grief is <strong>your own</strong> process, not for anyone else.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 451769, member: 11965"] Marcie, I think you are also completely NORMAL in your grief process with your Mom. Who says that anyone should be more or less tearful in their grieving process? [B]Marcie[/B], Why should there be any more? Grieving is a process you do for yourself, not the deceased. [B]Steely[/B], Why should there be any less? Grieving is a process you do for yourself, not the deceased. 2 years ago I was blindsided when an old friend died. He was more than "just a friend" but not a 'flame' either. We met and shared one weekend at a mutual friend's wedding. Our time was brief, but he was one of the few that I always remembered. Apparently I was the same for him. I just could not stop crying, and thought something was "wrong" with me, but I realized that what I was grieving was the "could have been"s because since my husband left, I had started resurrecting fantasies from the past. Eventually I learned some things about him that instantly eradicated any fantasies I had of a 'possible' reunion. Once the "could have been"s were gone, my grieving was done. My own mother died when I was 5. I grieved for decades. When I was about 32 I finally came to terms with the "could have been"s of the loss of my mother. I had always believed that my life "would have been" different if she had not died. And yes, it really would have been monumentally different, [B]but different does not always mean better[/B]. When I realized THAT, my grieving was finally done. I think that it's these "could have been"s or "should have been"s or "would have been"s are what we are pining for, and that is what we call grieving. One more kiss, one more hug, one more chat, reunification, resolution, forgiveness, an apology, acceptance, understanding, more time, whatever. I think that people who don't seem to grieve as much simply accept things for the way they are and move on (Marcie and Steely's Mom). Doesn't make the more emotional grievers less normal. (Steely and me) Grief is [B]your own[/B] process, not for anyone else. [/QUOTE]
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