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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 451967" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>I think this whole post is very interesting....on so many levels. </p><p></p><p>My whole family was "stoic" and I was the one who expressed my feelings. Therefore I was labeled the liable one - the one who "had issues". It is like someone said on this thread my family acted out their emotions through me. Yet they resented me for having the feelings. Many, many times I was yelled at for "being upset".</p><p></p><p>I am not sure what would have happened had I grown up in a family like me. I hardly EVER cry in public because it seems a sin to do so in my mind. Yet sometimes it will overtake me - and then that is horrible - because I have held in whatever emotion it is for so long - that it comes out in horrible embarrassing sobs. So obviously I have to process the feelings in more depth than others may have to - but here is the deal breaker - I don't want to be that person. I want to be "stoic" - I want to be that person that brushes off death - without emotion.</p><p></p><p>So I guess it is all about - Acceptance of myself? Changing myself? Envy towards my Mom? Anger towards my Mom for doing something I cannot seem to do? Anger at being labeled my whole childhood as the "fragile" one? Perplexed that people can walk through life's fire without deep emotion, and I can't?</p><p></p><p>Seriously not sure why this is eating at my mind lately - I guess it is just a conundrum that I cannot rationalize out - and therefore it bugs me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 451967, member: 3301"] I think this whole post is very interesting....on so many levels. My whole family was "stoic" and I was the one who expressed my feelings. Therefore I was labeled the liable one - the one who "had issues". It is like someone said on this thread my family acted out their emotions through me. Yet they resented me for having the feelings. Many, many times I was yelled at for "being upset". I am not sure what would have happened had I grown up in a family like me. I hardly EVER cry in public because it seems a sin to do so in my mind. Yet sometimes it will overtake me - and then that is horrible - because I have held in whatever emotion it is for so long - that it comes out in horrible embarrassing sobs. So obviously I have to process the feelings in more depth than others may have to - but here is the deal breaker - I don't want to be that person. I want to be "stoic" - I want to be that person that brushes off death - without emotion. So I guess it is all about - Acceptance of myself? Changing myself? Envy towards my Mom? Anger towards my Mom for doing something I cannot seem to do? Anger at being labeled my whole childhood as the "fragile" one? Perplexed that people can walk through life's fire without deep emotion, and I can't? Seriously not sure why this is eating at my mind lately - I guess it is just a conundrum that I cannot rationalize out - and therefore it bugs me. [/QUOTE]
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