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Parent Emeritus
Not coping well, missing my difficult child and heartsick that he doesn't care.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 472215" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, it's not true that all difficult child's want back in our lives...my adopted son (who we got at age six) walked out and never looked back and his wife doesn't help. I did learn to just let him go because that was what he wanted and I have a life too and a hub and other kids who DO need and want me in their lives. </p><p></p><p>Your difficult child may very well come back one day, but my guess is because he isn't doing that now, he is still involved in the very things that you disapprove of. His girlfriend is probably not helping, but obsessing over him is pointless. It's easy to do, but it doesn't solve anything except for making you very sad and unhelpful to your other child and others in your life who WANT to be there. Also...and this is touchy...I believe that the more they know they can hurt us, the more they will try. </p><p></p><p>I thought I was close to my son too. In fact, we WERE close until he met his wife. It will never be the same...I don't even know if I want him in my life anymore, even if he came back, because he has changed so much and is so vile and controlling and, yes, deliberately mean. </p><p></p><p>In your case, I would take one day at a time and think about your son who cares so much about you that he texted your difficult child to please get in touch with you. Think of how much HE loves you and needs you to be in good spirits and emotional help\th for him. Think about all other people in your life who value you dearly. Live in the moment (this helps me) and don't think about twenty years from now and how maybe he wont' contact you by then. You have no way of predicting the future. Either way it turns out, you can't control it.</p><p></p><p>(((Hugs))). Since I've been there, I know how it is. Until I got that lightbulb moment that this difficult child isn't the nice boy I raised anymore, I was sort of stuck. It is a big relief to finally move on. </p><p></p><p>Please keep us posted because we care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 472215, member: 1550"] Well, it's not true that all difficult child's want back in our lives...my adopted son (who we got at age six) walked out and never looked back and his wife doesn't help. I did learn to just let him go because that was what he wanted and I have a life too and a hub and other kids who DO need and want me in their lives. Your difficult child may very well come back one day, but my guess is because he isn't doing that now, he is still involved in the very things that you disapprove of. His girlfriend is probably not helping, but obsessing over him is pointless. It's easy to do, but it doesn't solve anything except for making you very sad and unhelpful to your other child and others in your life who WANT to be there. Also...and this is touchy...I believe that the more they know they can hurt us, the more they will try. I thought I was close to my son too. In fact, we WERE close until he met his wife. It will never be the same...I don't even know if I want him in my life anymore, even if he came back, because he has changed so much and is so vile and controlling and, yes, deliberately mean. In your case, I would take one day at a time and think about your son who cares so much about you that he texted your difficult child to please get in touch with you. Think of how much HE loves you and needs you to be in good spirits and emotional help\th for him. Think about all other people in your life who value you dearly. Live in the moment (this helps me) and don't think about twenty years from now and how maybe he wont' contact you by then. You have no way of predicting the future. Either way it turns out, you can't control it. (((Hugs))). Since I've been there, I know how it is. Until I got that lightbulb moment that this difficult child isn't the nice boy I raised anymore, I was sort of stuck. It is a big relief to finally move on. Please keep us posted because we care. [/QUOTE]
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Not coping well, missing my difficult child and heartsick that he doesn't care.
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