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Not coping well, missing my difficult child and heartsick that he doesn't care.
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 472228" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>Hugs, S. I'm sorry you're feeling so distraught. I'm sure there's a lot more to the story than I'm aware of, but I don't see you as losing your son. Rather, I just see it as him exploring this next stage of his life, independent of you and H. </p><p></p><p>When my easy child went off to college, I felt so much of what you describe! As if she moved out and away and never looked back! No calls, no texts, no contact-until she needed something. I remember feeling like she was being so cold and mean, as if she was just waiting for the opportunity to flee our home (which would have been understandable, actually!). Eventually, as we both adapted to this new stage in both of our lives, me accepting her as an individual with her own set of beliefs, and she of me in my newer role as not so much mommy, we developed a 'different' relationship. </p><p></p><p>I think you need to find healthy ways of coping and filling your life so you are not expending so much time thinking of this transition as a great loss. It's a change, it doesn't have to be a loss. Stay in touch, just as you're doing, but don't get clingy. Figure out a balance that keeps the lines of communication open. And try not to think of this change as a loss, but instead as a development. Just as he is growing into his own person, you are growing in new ways of understanding him as an adult. Try not to worry about sister in law getting into the mix-you have no control over her or the friendship anyway. </p><p></p><p>Lastly, there is NOTHING wrong or inappropriate about your 14y/o reaching out to his brother on your behalf. That is what family does for one another. At 14, it's totally appropriate for your son to experience empathy for his mom when she's hurting, I would not try to discourage that as it is a healthy reaction. </p><p></p><p>Hugs~</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 472228, member: 2211"] Hugs, S. I'm sorry you're feeling so distraught. I'm sure there's a lot more to the story than I'm aware of, but I don't see you as losing your son. Rather, I just see it as him exploring this next stage of his life, independent of you and H. When my easy child went off to college, I felt so much of what you describe! As if she moved out and away and never looked back! No calls, no texts, no contact-until she needed something. I remember feeling like she was being so cold and mean, as if she was just waiting for the opportunity to flee our home (which would have been understandable, actually!). Eventually, as we both adapted to this new stage in both of our lives, me accepting her as an individual with her own set of beliefs, and she of me in my newer role as not so much mommy, we developed a 'different' relationship. I think you need to find healthy ways of coping and filling your life so you are not expending so much time thinking of this transition as a great loss. It's a change, it doesn't have to be a loss. Stay in touch, just as you're doing, but don't get clingy. Figure out a balance that keeps the lines of communication open. And try not to think of this change as a loss, but instead as a development. Just as he is growing into his own person, you are growing in new ways of understanding him as an adult. Try not to worry about sister in law getting into the mix-you have no control over her or the friendship anyway. Lastly, there is NOTHING wrong or inappropriate about your 14y/o reaching out to his brother on your behalf. That is what family does for one another. At 14, it's totally appropriate for your son to experience empathy for his mom when she's hurting, I would not try to discourage that as it is a healthy reaction. Hugs~ [/QUOTE]
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Not coping well, missing my difficult child and heartsick that he doesn't care.
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