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Parent Emeritus
Not coping well, missing my difficult child and heartsick that he doesn't care.
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 472400"><p>I don't speak Italian!! I wish I did. I can understand a bit when it is spoken - but I can neither read nor write it. I wish I could. My dad was 1st generation (my mom 2nd) and grew up speaking Italian to the grandparents who raised him but he never spoke it with us. ThreeS , thank you so much for your vote of confidence.</p><p></p><p>Zulu - welcome to the board, none of us *want* to be here, but it really is a welcome and soft place to land. I've learned so much in the 2 months I've been posting..you will find a great support network here.</p><p></p><p>As far as FB - I am not ds's friend on FB - AFAIK, he has no fb page. I do not interact with DS's girlfriend, and was mighty chagrined to see my sister in law posting semi frequently on her wall. Even more-so when I politely asked her to cool the "friendship" a bit and she blew me off and actually posted on her wall again a few hours later. In fact, she just sent me a rather b!tchy email in response to my initial polite request. (Which I am ignoring.) I have no idea how this became about her all of a sudden but I probably shouldn't be surprised. She's a busybody.</p><p></p><p>I won't stay away from FB - it's actually a source of joy in my life -- with the exception of sister in law - my friends are really my friends from past or present or my cousins, even a few aunts in their 70s!. And I love keeping in touch with them. No facebook drama until sister in law pulled this stunt. And no one one there knows anything about the drama or about difficult child's situation. Plus my "single forever" HS bff is getting married and I love keeping up with all of the details and happy posts! We are attending her big southern wedding in 6 weeks and I can't wait.</p><p></p><p>As much as I would like to believe the cold war is growing pains and unrelated to his drug use/family break - it's not. We were always in regular contact - even over the summer when he was living at home and our relationship was a bit strained. He'd still text me a few times a day and often sent a good night text around 10pm. Our relationship was very warm and very close and I anticipated him pulling away eventually but this abrupt cut off is more than growing pains. Yes, I knew better than to think he would be in touch initially, but I expected a thaw by this point in time. And it's just the opposite. And no news is never good news with this kid. I'd love to think otherwise, but the phonecall was while he was preparing for mid terms which he said he would ace. (been there done that) Had he done well, he would've called. This kid's first drug of choice is (was?) praise and positive feedback. (if I am wrong and he aced them, I will happily eat my words) Since the day he was born, singing his own praises has been second nature to him. I think I freaked at 3am bc it was a Saturday night ( and the added emotion of parent's weekend.) Weekends are the danger zone and his college also has a history of dead drunk college boys "sleeping" at the bottom of the river. uggghhh.</p><p></p><p>Star, I cringed when I read your screen name because I thought you were going to (rightfully) call me out from here to eternity! And you didn't. Thank you for your kind words and for understanding. And for reminding me that Moms can survive anything. You inspire me.</p><p></p><p>To EVERYONE - THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. As always, I am humbled by the kindness of virtual yet very true and real friends.</p><p></p><p>I've spent enough time reading posts to know where this is heading with my difficult child. Anyone play pinball? You know that indented recess that catches the ball? I think it's called an "eject hole?" The ball goes in there and is held - racking up points - yet shimmering and vibrating - building velocity until it is forcibly ejected and you have to save it before it heads straight for the drain. That's where I am... I only hope if and when the call comes, it's girlfriend's voice at the other end of the phone line...</p><p></p><p><em>We asked him to stay home, get help and go to school locally until he got back on his feet - never fathoming that he would leave. And when he left, I thought we'd have some </em><em>progression after 2 months...nada. No known mental illness, no adoptive issues, no trauma or abuse or dysfunction. Just great schools, Church on Sundays, family dinners on the table 5 nights a week, a college fund, <em>2 brothers who adore him, </em>2 parents who love each other and their kids very much, we are NOWHERE near perfect parents nor a perfect family but certainly much better than our own parents, sure no ski vacations in Aspen but never a hungry tummy or the "wrong" shoes...no logical explanation... I want to shake him sometimes...good thing that therapist appointment is only 16 hours away... GOOD GRIEF!</em></p><p><em>(true but also a vent - an attempt at dark mockery of myself and my frustration)</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 472400"] I don't speak Italian!! I wish I did. I can understand a bit when it is spoken - but I can neither read nor write it. I wish I could. My dad was 1st generation (my mom 2nd) and grew up speaking Italian to the grandparents who raised him but he never spoke it with us. ThreeS , thank you so much for your vote of confidence. Zulu - welcome to the board, none of us *want* to be here, but it really is a welcome and soft place to land. I've learned so much in the 2 months I've been posting..you will find a great support network here. As far as FB - I am not ds's friend on FB - AFAIK, he has no fb page. I do not interact with DS's girlfriend, and was mighty chagrined to see my sister in law posting semi frequently on her wall. Even more-so when I politely asked her to cool the "friendship" a bit and she blew me off and actually posted on her wall again a few hours later. In fact, she just sent me a rather b!tchy email in response to my initial polite request. (Which I am ignoring.) I have no idea how this became about her all of a sudden but I probably shouldn't be surprised. She's a busybody. I won't stay away from FB - it's actually a source of joy in my life -- with the exception of sister in law - my friends are really my friends from past or present or my cousins, even a few aunts in their 70s!. And I love keeping in touch with them. No facebook drama until sister in law pulled this stunt. And no one one there knows anything about the drama or about difficult child's situation. Plus my "single forever" HS bff is getting married and I love keeping up with all of the details and happy posts! We are attending her big southern wedding in 6 weeks and I can't wait. As much as I would like to believe the cold war is growing pains and unrelated to his drug use/family break - it's not. We were always in regular contact - even over the summer when he was living at home and our relationship was a bit strained. He'd still text me a few times a day and often sent a good night text around 10pm. Our relationship was very warm and very close and I anticipated him pulling away eventually but this abrupt cut off is more than growing pains. Yes, I knew better than to think he would be in touch initially, but I expected a thaw by this point in time. And it's just the opposite. And no news is never good news with this kid. I'd love to think otherwise, but the phonecall was while he was preparing for mid terms which he said he would ace. (been there done that) Had he done well, he would've called. This kid's first drug of choice is (was?) praise and positive feedback. (if I am wrong and he aced them, I will happily eat my words) Since the day he was born, singing his own praises has been second nature to him. I think I freaked at 3am bc it was a Saturday night ( and the added emotion of parent's weekend.) Weekends are the danger zone and his college also has a history of dead drunk college boys "sleeping" at the bottom of the river. uggghhh. Star, I cringed when I read your screen name because I thought you were going to (rightfully) call me out from here to eternity! And you didn't. Thank you for your kind words and for understanding. And for reminding me that Moms can survive anything. You inspire me. To EVERYONE - THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. As always, I am humbled by the kindness of virtual yet very true and real friends. I've spent enough time reading posts to know where this is heading with my difficult child. Anyone play pinball? You know that indented recess that catches the ball? I think it's called an "eject hole?" The ball goes in there and is held - racking up points - yet shimmering and vibrating - building velocity until it is forcibly ejected and you have to save it before it heads straight for the drain. That's where I am... I only hope if and when the call comes, it's girlfriend's voice at the other end of the phone line... [I]We asked him to stay home, get help and go to school locally until he got back on his feet - never fathoming that he would leave. And when he left, I thought we'd have some [/I][I]progression after 2 months...nada. No known mental illness, no adoptive issues, no trauma or abuse or dysfunction. Just great schools, Church on Sundays, family dinners on the table 5 nights a week, a college fund, [I]2 brothers who adore him, [/I]2 parents who love each other and their kids very much, we are NOWHERE near perfect parents nor a perfect family but certainly much better than our own parents, sure no ski vacations in Aspen but never a hungry tummy or the "wrong" shoes...no logical explanation... I want to shake him sometimes...good thing that therapist appointment is only 16 hours away... GOOD GRIEF! (true but also a vent - an attempt at dark mockery of myself and my frustration)[/I] [/QUOTE]
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Not coping well, missing my difficult child and heartsick that he doesn't care.
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