Not earthshattering but really bugging me..

[DDD]

husband and I are old. He is a wonderful man and very softspoken. He has a hearing deficit that requires a hearing and he has one with no intention of getting a 2nd one. That's his choice.

About a month ago husband said to me "you really talk too loudly". He has repeated that more than once since then and when I replied "I must have gotten into that habit with-o realizing it in order to make sure you hear me." His response was "No, you have always been loud."

Now, I'm trying to figure out if it is true how to change it. I honestly don't think I have "always been loud" beause I have always been well received by people and used to have alot of friends...someone would have said something. So how do I find out? I don't have close friends around anymore. My relatives would tell me I'm "perfect", lol.

I'd hate to think I am received as loud by the world. That's not good! DDD

 

[AnnieO]

DDD - I wouldn't sweat it too bad - father in law and Jett do not have volume controls. Last night I told father in law repeatedly that he was breaking my eardrums. He was talking to husband - too loudly - I was outside and could hear him - husband walked into the next room (open floor plan) - and father in law was so loud I could now understand him perfectly. I went in and told him - no joke - "Please use your inside voice." Offended him. Too bad.

So... You may be loud to husband... I would not worry about others, because as you said you've been well received. But... Do have your hearing checked. I did that this year just in case...

And... OLD is a state of mind. It's just a number.

 

[hearts and roses]

Aw DDD, your post really made me smile. I have a friend who is loud by any and all standards and believe me, she knows it. She says "Hey, this is how I am, I'm sorry if it seems obnoxious, but I'm loud. I have five kids and a husband who don't listen to me..." lol. I once asked her if she was loud before H and kids and she said, "Probably, I don't know." She has more friends than you can imagine and I know that her loudness probably turns some people off, but to me, I just love her and I find her forthright manner and loudness endearing because she's such a wonderful person.

Your H just sounds a bit crochety and maybe, just maybe, because he KNOWS he should have another aid, he's trying to make it seem as if he doesn't? Just a guess, probably not correct, but it's all I can think of.

My H sometimes will tell me about a habit I have that he says doesn't bother him, but just wanted to point it out. I'm thinking, then why mention it at all if it doesn't bother you? Ahem. I have a habit of asking a lot of questions of people that I am getting to know or have just met - nothing inappropriate, but I guess I come off as an interrogator. I have made a note of it and am now able to stop asking so many questions. H still tells me I'm nosy and calls me Mrs. Kravitz. I called myself Mrs. Kravitz jokingly for years, but for some reason when he says it, I am bothered by it.

Also, I should mention that my H, from years of working with loud tools is going deaf, seriously, and we call him Guy Smiley (Sesame Street character who was always very loud) and he just laughs it off. Sometimes it's embarrassing how loud he is in small tight restaurants!

Listen to yourself without any effort of changing the volume of your conversation and take notice. I think you will be able to figure out if you're truly loud.

 

[cakewalk]

My favorite line from Bill Cosby is: "Freedom of speech includes volume!"

I am a very loud person... passionate about every topic. When I find myself being too loud, I throw in that phrase as an explanation.

 

[DDD]

Your input is interesting and supportive. Thanks.

Actually I'm thinking about purposely adjusting my volume down a notch "just in case". If I use my "library voice" husband won't be able to hear a word I say. Hmmm....something to think about, lol. DDD

 

[busywend]

Tell him to turn the hearing aid down. Then you will talk just fine!

 

[witzend]

I always thought I was loud, but I often find that people don't hear me because I am speaking softly. It's very difficult to judge...

 

[svengandhi]

My H has a very loud voice and no recognition of this. He has some hearing loss but is not ready for a hearing aid yet.

Our daughter is studying ASL this summer at college. Last week, she had to attend a deaf event to practice her ASL. It was too far away for her to drive to alone so H and I took her. H was trying to talk to the teacher, who is deaf but lipreads and has some speech. We saw everyone laughing and my daughter explained that the hearing students were telling the teacher that H was YELLING at him and he was saying "Yell away, I can't hear a word he's saying!" We were at a gaming arcade and it was very loud in there and you could still hear H over the sound!

 

[Star*]

About a month ago husband said to me "you really talk too loudly". He has repeated that more than once since then and when I replied "I must have gotten into that habit with-o realizing it in order to make sure you hear me." So how do I find out?

Mutter something under your breath as you walk away and see if he can hear THAT. If he can? You'll know exactly how loud you'll have to talk for him to hear you - just change the verbage to something appropriate.

-Hugs Starbie - the whispering Barbie - because when she talks directly to KEN? He says "You talk too loud." and then when you say something really important like "The dog is loose!" He says "What? What? I can't hear you." So I just whisper....lol. Either way I have to repeat myself.

 

[mrscatinthehat]

sounds like your husband could be compensating for his own things.

hugs

 

[susiestar]

I live with a bunch of people who seem very loud. Often it is not the volume but the fact that they are projecting their voice. My father is AWFUL about it. He always projects as though he is in a room of 100 kids who won't stop talking. My hearing has always been far better than normal and if I am not very careful it gives me migraines - and I am even MORE sensitive to noise then!

What truly amazes me is that he has read some kids books onto tapes. Mostly Uncle Wiggily for Wiz when he was younger. NO ONE can play them unless they want to go to sleep. Wiz used to beg us to play them in the car. The one time we did we almost had an accident the first five minutes. I do not know how someone's voice can be so forceful in conversation and so soothing other times.

on the other hand, people tend to complain they cannot hear me. After years of the family badgering me because they cannot hear me over their shouting I just stopped talking around them. It is what it is.

DDD, his hearing perception is probably quite off. The volume on his hearing aid may need to be adjusted. Hearing aids affect how you hear because everything is louder. The brain usually filters background noises out so that they are not noticeable. With a hearing aid it doesn't quite work like that. I don't know exactly how to explain it, but my Gpa used to have times that he insisted my Gma was shouting all the time. In fact she was one of the softest voiced people I ever knew. Often when someone has a hearing problem their perceptions of sound are different than they were previously. Problems can creep up slowly so that you don't really remember how things used to sound because it seems that they have always been that way. Sort of like when you get new glasses and all the colors seem much brighter and only then do you realize how your sight had deteriorated. My grandparents always had hearing aids and I ended up learning a lot about them for a kid because I tended to listen to everything.

Just remember, other people's opinions of you are none of your business.

 

[busywend]

Oh yeah - you might want to get your own hearing checked, too. Perhaps your volume has changed.