Not easily shocked anymore

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Sep 21, 2013.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Did I mention that I went back to OR for a visit over Labor Day? I had a very nice time, saw who I wanted, went where I wanted, ate what I wanted... and somehow managed to lose 7 pounds in the process!

    I did make time to see M while I was there. Lunch the day before I left. His fiance did not join us. He said she was at yoga class. Whatever. I think we had an enjoyable lunch. Of course, the moment he sat down he asked me to "look at his car". "Just because". I had planned to and did tell him that I was at this point in our lives putting the past behind me, and while I am his mother, I'm not his mommy. He's 27 years old and if he needs something from his dad and I that he has to ask, and we will discuss it with each other and do what we think is right. Which might be something and it might be nothing, it will depend upon the circumstance. He showed me his car and talked about the brakes. I reminded him who our shade tree mechanic in OR was and said he should really call, B wouldn't steer him wrong. Mind you, he did not ask for brakes or anything else. If he had, I would have discussed it with husband.

    Yesterday, M called "to keep in touch". He's working part time security and driving cars off the dock, and he and his fiance eloped in December of 2012 and he thought he should tell us. I just laughed and said, "And you're telling me this now? Why?" He mumbled something about how my family is so judgmental. Whatever. I don't know that I could care less. Then he told me that B the mechanic hadn't phoned him back and did I think he did transmissions? I told him I'm sure he could, and had M checked the transmission fluid (in his 25 year old car that he didn't have B look over for him before he bought as I had suggested)? "Where does that go? In the radiator? by the way, Dad never answers his phone." He called again last night after husband was in bed, then called me to find out why husband wasn't answering his phone. He said he'd call back today, but didn't. Oh, well.

    For anyone sweating their grown child's nonsense, I can strongly recommend moving 2,500 miles away.
  2. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Witz, I am so happy to hear that you were able to have an enjoyable and drama-free visit to OR.
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He eloped almost a year ago? Why tell you know? A wedding gift??? Bizarre moments with him, huh?

    Glad you enjoyed your visit!
  4. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Good job, Witz.

    I am only beginning to feel those kinds of non-attached to the outcome feelings. It's very freeing. I still love the kids, still encourage them to do their best, still hope for the best for them...but I can see where they are going wrong, too.

    And somehow, I am not so much feeling responsible for that.

    I am glad you posted this for us, Witz. It is good to see what is happening to us reflected in someone else's posts. It helps me to clarify what I am feeling.

    Wishing you (and me!) continued success. I think it is good for the kids. Like Recovering said in her Mother's Musings post...we're giving them back the pieces they need to create their own wholeness.

    And we find ourselves lighter, more transparent, in the process.

  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm impressed! So glad that you went on the trip and even happier that you did it on YOUR terms. Hugs DDD