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Substance Abuse
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 637136" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>PG, you are definitely between a rock and a hard place. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like she is not in recovery. She may/may not be using drugs but she has not learned how to live in the real world. That is really what true recovery is all about. Does she go to meetings? Is she working the steps? What is she doing to stay off drugs?</p><p></p><p>Sadly, unless she changes, she will not be able to take care of her child---at all or in any way that spells her being a good mother = mother that he needs. I can understand that you love him so much. You don't want him to have that type of mother or life either. </p><p></p><p>What are the options? I would explore them all, whatever they are, and then decide on a strategy and lay the groundwork. </p><p></p><p>You can't go on like this, and sadly, it is likely only to get worse and worse. One day you will look up and you ARE his parents/guardians/people who do everything for him---and she's lying in the bed asleep or gone. </p><p></p><p>Right now it's the devil you know, not the devil you don't know. You are in a transition with her, and you are learning something new that will be useful down the road. </p><p></p><p>It is so very true that if we do for them, they do not do for themselves. We have to step back and let them take the natural consequences of their actions. And when there is a grandchild, I can only imagine how hard that is and would be.</p><p></p><p>What is best for you and husband? What is best for Connor? What is best for difficult child? Are there any intersections on those paths of what is best for each of you? </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry. Please keep us posted. We are here for you, no matter what you decide to do. Warm hugs today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 637136, member: 17542"] PG, you are definitely between a rock and a hard place. It sounds like she is not in recovery. She may/may not be using drugs but she has not learned how to live in the real world. That is really what true recovery is all about. Does she go to meetings? Is she working the steps? What is she doing to stay off drugs? Sadly, unless she changes, she will not be able to take care of her child---at all or in any way that spells her being a good mother = mother that he needs. I can understand that you love him so much. You don't want him to have that type of mother or life either. What are the options? I would explore them all, whatever they are, and then decide on a strategy and lay the groundwork. You can't go on like this, and sadly, it is likely only to get worse and worse. One day you will look up and you ARE his parents/guardians/people who do everything for him---and she's lying in the bed asleep or gone. Right now it's the devil you know, not the devil you don't know. You are in a transition with her, and you are learning something new that will be useful down the road. It is so very true that if we do for them, they do not do for themselves. We have to step back and let them take the natural consequences of their actions. And when there is a grandchild, I can only imagine how hard that is and would be. What is best for you and husband? What is best for Connor? What is best for difficult child? Are there any intersections on those paths of what is best for each of you? I'm sorry. Please keep us posted. We are here for you, no matter what you decide to do. Warm hugs today. [/QUOTE]
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