I am as usual wondering where the hell all this stuff came from. I am killing myself wondering if all this came because we3 weren't strict enough or we got too angry at him when he was a defiant toddler.
First - as others have said - it isn't you.
So, where then does it come from?
That
should have been answered by the neuropsychologist appointment... but wasn't (just saw your post over on another thread...).
3 computerized tests = a comprehensive evaulation? NOT.
Your son is complex. Its going to take digging - not "easy" labels and computerized testing.
He may have NONE of these, but I'm going to toss these out there for consideration, partly because these demonstrate some possible explanations for the behavior... if ANY of these is accurate at all, its not too late to pursue separate evaluations.
1) Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) - auditory processing disorder(s). Usually, by this age, it would be obvious if there were a language processing problem or verbal language processing problem (this latter one is classical Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD)). But... there are other APDs. One is "auditory figure ground"... where the person has trouble picking out the intended sounds, in the presence of background noise. Makes life almost impossible in school. Mentally exhausted from trying to listen, putting so much effort into capturing the "words" that the "meaning" gets lost... and then getting into trouble for: not paying attention, bad attitude, fooling around, etc. There are accommodations and interventions that make a HUGE difference to these kids - including hearing systems that increase the volume of the teachers voice above the background noise... but even having teachers present ALL instructions in WRITTEN format really helps, and there's other stuff too.
Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) would normally be screened by Speech Language Pathologist (SLP), usually referred to advanced audiology for confirmation. Often hard to tell the difference between ADHD and Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) based on behavior...!!
2) Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD) - developmental coordination disorder - a motor skills problem affecting everyday life. Not a "disability". These kids "can"... nothing wrong with their muscles and joints and nerves... but the "can't". At least, not consistently, not up to speed, takes too long to learn motor skills, wear out in the middle of doing something, get frustrated... If its gross skills, they tend to be bullied, PE is a huge issue. If its fine skills, it affects dressing, eating,
handwriting, art, scissors, etc. In other words... affects almost everything in school.
This is the kid who can form every letter, but can't copy what's written on the board, and can't take notes. Refuses to write more than one-word or short-phrase answers. Didn't "get" basic math (whole story behind that one). It gets labelled as "attitude", which destroys the student's trust in teachers, which then escalates really fast. Like, off the rails before grade 3 is not unheard of.
Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD) is not a common diagnosis (yet, I'm trying to change that!). But an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation would be a good idea if there is any hint of motor skills issues. Occupational Therapist (OT) will not diagnosis, but Occupational Therapist (OT) report is useful to others (including neuropsychologist...). Occupational Therapist (OT) also has therapies that help.
3) Sensory issues... often go with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), but also go with all sorts of other things. If he complains about textures (hates tags, can't stand seams in socks, only wears "soft" clothes... or foods... or noises... or... <insert long list>), worth getting an evaluation.
Again, this would be Occupational Therapist (OT)... can get both done at the same time.
<end of list>
Any ONE of these is enough to drive a kid around the bend before the end of Grade 4.
What's worse is... if he has ONE of these, he may have ALL of them!
We've been told: 50% of kids with ADHD have Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD), and 70% of kids with ADHD + a Learning Disability (LD), have Auditory Processing Disorders (APD).
When I was in your shoes... we had to dig for ourselves. This is where we came to. Its made a WORLD of difference.
It may be something else other than what's on my list - you may want to rule those out, depending on what you see in your son. But if it isn't those, it will be something else. What you're seeing in behavior, and what you're getting on the neuropsychologist report, don't quite match.
Keep digging.