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Not her parent, but still need help
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<blockquote data-quote="silverlilly1" data-source="post: 631295" data-attributes="member: 18194"><p>Thanks Echo. We tried tonight. My husband asked her if she was coming home for supper and tonight. Her answer was "Yes." My husband told her he'd like to talk to her tonight. She came home at 6 pm (supper's generally at 5), and said, "Well, I didn't say when I would be home." She didn't work today, just walked around a nearby town all day.</p><p></p><p>After supper, she started to prepare for a date. Around 7:30 pm, we finally manoeuvered to co-op the bathroom so husband could start her talking. When I came out of the bathroom, she resisted continued talking, saying that she had already made plans before now to meet up, but husband convinced her to contact the guy and stay longer to talk. We discussed the major issues that have arisen, first getting her side, then mine/husband's. She still couldn't accept any responsibility, but agreed to changes for the future.</p><p></p><p>She says that she works 8-4 every day this week. Tomorrow is my birthday. She has not been in the same place as me for a birthday in 13 years. She has plans to go to a volunteer orientation that evening, even though she will only be able to volunteer 3-5 times at the most before she leaves. Wednesday night we're busy. Thursday and Friday nights are the only times she plans to be home while we are. And she wants help with her sewing during that time, even though we will have other preparations to make then. She continues to say she will gladly help with packing and loading and unloading of the vehicle, but actually will not be here, or will be too busy sewing, to help. She decided she only wants to go on vacation for one week instead of two. That puts us out tremendously because we will then have to set up or tear down camping for her, will not receive the babysitting she promised in return for her having parts of the trip paid for, and may have to make a 6-mile walk to get her things. She thought she could stay here and sew. husband decided that she cannot stay in our house while we are away on vacation because he can't trust her enough, and she must find elsewhere to be during that time.</p><p></p><p>I told her that we have been going out of our way for her as she makes choices to not help or participate since day one. If she wants us to go out of our way for her and have her with us at all on vacation, she must seriously go out of her way to help us this week, as we struggle to get everything done. She must make hard choices. We did not define the desired action precisely, as husband does not want to give her the black and white of telling her what to do. Her response? "Well I'm going to the orientation tomorrow, because if I don't I can't volunteer at all while I'm here. I made those plans and I am doing this."</p><p></p><p>Afterward we discussed between ourselves. He would like to see her spend some time with me to make my birthday special tomorrow. He'd also like to see her stay home to sew. Because if she doesn't sew, she will not have enough time to both help us prepare and sew her garments. And thus can't come with us on vacation at all. If she doesn't try to make my birthday special in any way and isn't there for supper, he feels she is putting us last and she probably shouldn't continue to stay with us.</p><p></p><p>This is so hard. How do you kick someone out and still maintain a relationship? Because if certain actions don't happen tomorrow (and I really don't expect them to; she has an excuse for why everything she has planned to do is vitally important, including dates), that's exactly where we'll be. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="silverlilly1, post: 631295, member: 18194"] Thanks Echo. We tried tonight. My husband asked her if she was coming home for supper and tonight. Her answer was "Yes." My husband told her he'd like to talk to her tonight. She came home at 6 pm (supper's generally at 5), and said, "Well, I didn't say when I would be home." She didn't work today, just walked around a nearby town all day. After supper, she started to prepare for a date. Around 7:30 pm, we finally manoeuvered to co-op the bathroom so husband could start her talking. When I came out of the bathroom, she resisted continued talking, saying that she had already made plans before now to meet up, but husband convinced her to contact the guy and stay longer to talk. We discussed the major issues that have arisen, first getting her side, then mine/husband's. She still couldn't accept any responsibility, but agreed to changes for the future. She says that she works 8-4 every day this week. Tomorrow is my birthday. She has not been in the same place as me for a birthday in 13 years. She has plans to go to a volunteer orientation that evening, even though she will only be able to volunteer 3-5 times at the most before she leaves. Wednesday night we're busy. Thursday and Friday nights are the only times she plans to be home while we are. And she wants help with her sewing during that time, even though we will have other preparations to make then. She continues to say she will gladly help with packing and loading and unloading of the vehicle, but actually will not be here, or will be too busy sewing, to help. She decided she only wants to go on vacation for one week instead of two. That puts us out tremendously because we will then have to set up or tear down camping for her, will not receive the babysitting she promised in return for her having parts of the trip paid for, and may have to make a 6-mile walk to get her things. She thought she could stay here and sew. husband decided that she cannot stay in our house while we are away on vacation because he can't trust her enough, and she must find elsewhere to be during that time. I told her that we have been going out of our way for her as she makes choices to not help or participate since day one. If she wants us to go out of our way for her and have her with us at all on vacation, she must seriously go out of her way to help us this week, as we struggle to get everything done. She must make hard choices. We did not define the desired action precisely, as husband does not want to give her the black and white of telling her what to do. Her response? "Well I'm going to the orientation tomorrow, because if I don't I can't volunteer at all while I'm here. I made those plans and I am doing this." Afterward we discussed between ourselves. He would like to see her spend some time with me to make my birthday special tomorrow. He'd also like to see her stay home to sew. Because if she doesn't sew, she will not have enough time to both help us prepare and sew her garments. And thus can't come with us on vacation at all. If she doesn't try to make my birthday special in any way and isn't there for supper, he feels she is putting us last and she probably shouldn't continue to stay with us. This is so hard. How do you kick someone out and still maintain a relationship? Because if certain actions don't happen tomorrow (and I really don't expect them to; she has an excuse for why everything she has planned to do is vitally important, including dates), that's exactly where we'll be. :( [/QUOTE]
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