I have read THE Explosive Child, and something he mentions in the book got me thinking.... He mentions that our children don't behave the way they do on PURPOSE and that they don't really WANT to behave that way, but that there are times they just can't help it.... I tend to think that statement could be true for some children, and for the ones that it DOES hold true for, Dr. Greene's method is PERFECT. However, I am starting to doubt that our difficult child FITS into that category at all. And this is just me venting, and I really need some insight, I guess, into what all of this means.... I don't buy into the theory that our children can be fully funtional everywhere else and then turn around and become totally helpless the minute they walk into their own house. Meaning, that if she is exploding at home over the STUPIDEST little things, I simply cannot blame it on her disorder when she managed to do the SAME thing FINE someplace else. For example, unattaching herself from the television to go put shoes on so we can leave to go somewhere...when I go pick her up from someplace and she has to do this, she does fine. When we are at home and I ask her to do this, she goes completely CRAZY!!! Unable to change tasks or simply doesn't want to???? Also, all the claims that once they begin a meltdown, they are completely uncontrollable, I am not sure I buy that one either. See, she was at home with me one day, my mom was there and we were trying to have an IMPORTANT conversation. She was interrupting and I asked her to wait, and then she went into FULL MELTDOWN mode because I was "IGNORING HER", and started flipping out completely. Right smack in the middle of FULL MELTDOWN mode where they are supposedly not able to control themselves or their actions, she starts spouting off swearing at me, and then stops herself, mid-sentence, and CALMLY AND NICELY apologizes to MY MOTHER for swearing in front of her, and then proceeds to continue the meltdown, curse-word free until my mom leaves. It appears to me that, she doesn't have PROBLEMS changing activities, she just doesn't WANT to. And although I will agree that she does have problems doing her homework, she will INTENTIONALLY throw the biggest fit she can to see if we will let her out of it because she doesn't WANT to do it because it is hard for her. Do I think that in the midst of a tantrum she reaches a point where she loses control, sure. But I DON'T think they start out because of any "disorder" or "handicap", I think they start out becasue she simply doesn't want to do it. She has the capacity of a 2 year old in the middle of the "terrible twos" who will PREDICTABLY throw a fit ANYTIME they are asked to do something they don't WANT to do, just to see if it will get them out of it. I don't really SEE any of the "inabilities" described in the book with our difficult child, all I see is BLATANT rebellion and INTENTIONAL temper tantrums. I know it is a hard concept to understand why any child would do these things intentionally, because not only is everyone else miserable, but so is she...but do you think it's possible that maybe she is putting on this HUGE con, making us all think she has all these problems, when all it really boils down to is that she doesn't want to live with us and thinks that if she acts horrible enough, that we will just give up and send her away?!?!?!?!?!?!?! If so, how do you HANDLE the INTENTIONAL bad behavior and obviously, we are NOT going to give up on her and send her away...but for her to believe that, and hopefully find a way for her to enjoy living with us, we have to build a good relationship with her. But HOW do we do that when she is CONSTANTLY in trouble?!?!?!?! Don't get me wrong, I think that I got a LOT out of the book and still highly recommend it, but I just don't think that it fits our difficult child. I DO think that it offers a great insight into how to "pick your battles" and how prioritize...but as for how his mention of what goes into each basket, I think that using his "safety issues only, in Basket A", will just be giving our difficult child the excuse she is looking for to NOT have to do anything, and I don't buy it. Does anyone else feel this way about your difficult child's behavior? If so, how do you handle it?