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Not liking the way 2011 is starting out....
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 398399" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry things are so rough. The 3 day family thing cannot be enforced. It will help your son greatly if you can go, but it is actually fairly rare for the family to show up and/or stay for anything that long. They won't kick him out for that, not if they are reputable. Send husband or have husband care for things/people at home. It would be in everyone's best interest if you entered alanon as though you were a newly diagnosis'd alcoholic. I DON"T mean that you are, but the entire family - every single generation - has this disease and needs treatment desperately. Even if they are not drinking, the family has dysfunctional patterns. So making 7 meetings in 7 days a goal is an excellent thing for the first week. Then try to hit as many as you can for several months. They have meetings at all sorts of times and in a LOT of places, so you should be able to find them. Look in the phone booth or online. If you are doing meetings and cannot go to the rehab thing I would not worry too much. You have YOUR life also.</p><p> </p><p>I think that many rehabs try to scare families into attendance by saying it is "mandatory". I know several people who work in and/or operate rehab programs and they have ALL told me that they tell families that it is "required" or "mandatory" and then when family cannot all be there it usually isn't a big deal. If no one can show up they sometimes keep the client longer to give extra support - and there are a LOT LOT LOT of families who simply refuse to show up because "they" don't have a problem. It would be very unlikely that they will throw a client out if family didn't show up unless the client was breaking all the rules or was disruptive.</p><p> </p><p>If you cannot make it now, you cannot make it. Rehab is difficult child's priority and his responsibility. NOT yours. So don't allow them to make you feel, and act, trapped. As for your Gma, get an assessment by social services and eldercare. In home help may be available very reasonable or even free. Lisa's suggestion about "change clothes or go to a home where they will make you" is a good idea - IF follow through will happen. Sitting in waste soaked clothing is very harmful and even if Gma refuses, your mom could be charged with elder abuse (or whomever is in charge of her when it is discovered). If alzheimers or other types of dementia are causing problems they can sometimes be used to make things easier.</p><p> </p><p>My family feels it wasn't very "nice" of me to do this, but it made life vastly easier for all who were caring for an elderly relative of mine. He had very little short term memory and it was often like handling a very fragile, very large two year old. When I needed him to do something I would tell him he asked to do it, or he was excited when we talked about it. Much of the time he thought I was his older sister or his wife instead of being sort of an adopted granddau. Lieing isn't good, but this saved a LOT of stress, anger, outbursts, tantrums, and injuries - both for him and for every one who cared for him. I am NOT ashamed, though I have been told I should be. I fully expect my family to do this when and/or if I develop that type of dementia/mental problems. just be cheerful and give it a shot. It won't always work but it can help sometimes. </p><p> </p><p>They make these awesome rubber/cloth pads for baby beds that don't rattle or make that awful crackly sound. They are great for preserving furniture from accidents. Check baby stores and hospital supply stores. You can also find puppy training pads to be helpful - I have been told they fit on car seats better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 398399, member: 1233"] I am sorry things are so rough. The 3 day family thing cannot be enforced. It will help your son greatly if you can go, but it is actually fairly rare for the family to show up and/or stay for anything that long. They won't kick him out for that, not if they are reputable. Send husband or have husband care for things/people at home. It would be in everyone's best interest if you entered alanon as though you were a newly diagnosis'd alcoholic. I DON"T mean that you are, but the entire family - every single generation - has this disease and needs treatment desperately. Even if they are not drinking, the family has dysfunctional patterns. So making 7 meetings in 7 days a goal is an excellent thing for the first week. Then try to hit as many as you can for several months. They have meetings at all sorts of times and in a LOT of places, so you should be able to find them. Look in the phone booth or online. If you are doing meetings and cannot go to the rehab thing I would not worry too much. You have YOUR life also. I think that many rehabs try to scare families into attendance by saying it is "mandatory". I know several people who work in and/or operate rehab programs and they have ALL told me that they tell families that it is "required" or "mandatory" and then when family cannot all be there it usually isn't a big deal. If no one can show up they sometimes keep the client longer to give extra support - and there are a LOT LOT LOT of families who simply refuse to show up because "they" don't have a problem. It would be very unlikely that they will throw a client out if family didn't show up unless the client was breaking all the rules or was disruptive. If you cannot make it now, you cannot make it. Rehab is difficult child's priority and his responsibility. NOT yours. So don't allow them to make you feel, and act, trapped. As for your Gma, get an assessment by social services and eldercare. In home help may be available very reasonable or even free. Lisa's suggestion about "change clothes or go to a home where they will make you" is a good idea - IF follow through will happen. Sitting in waste soaked clothing is very harmful and even if Gma refuses, your mom could be charged with elder abuse (or whomever is in charge of her when it is discovered). If alzheimers or other types of dementia are causing problems they can sometimes be used to make things easier. My family feels it wasn't very "nice" of me to do this, but it made life vastly easier for all who were caring for an elderly relative of mine. He had very little short term memory and it was often like handling a very fragile, very large two year old. When I needed him to do something I would tell him he asked to do it, or he was excited when we talked about it. Much of the time he thought I was his older sister or his wife instead of being sort of an adopted granddau. Lieing isn't good, but this saved a LOT of stress, anger, outbursts, tantrums, and injuries - both for him and for every one who cared for him. I am NOT ashamed, though I have been told I should be. I fully expect my family to do this when and/or if I develop that type of dementia/mental problems. just be cheerful and give it a shot. It won't always work but it can help sometimes. They make these awesome rubber/cloth pads for baby beds that don't rattle or make that awful crackly sound. They are great for preserving furniture from accidents. Check baby stores and hospital supply stores. You can also find puppy training pads to be helpful - I have been told they fit on car seats better. [/QUOTE]
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Not liking the way 2011 is starting out....
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