Not ready

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Mar 19, 2009.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    for dinner out together. husband e-mailed me at work yesterday that he wished the kids could get along enough for us to all go out for dinner. Then when we were leaving difficult child's staffing he said he wanted to try going out to dinner so we decided to try it last night.

    I went to pick up easy child and told her that we really needed a peaceful night so could she please make her best effort with difficult child. husband drove difficult child home and had the same talk with him about easy child.

    The conversation was pointless. We made it about 1/2 mile before the two kids were fighting like crazy over an open window in the van. I told husband maybe we should turn around (he was upset but really wanted a night of being waited on so we kept going).

    They were arguing in the parking lot and as we walked into the restaurant. Then they had to argue in the restaurant (at least not super loudly).

    Poor husband who just wanted a night of peace and a pleasant meal-he told me the next time he gets an idea to have all of us go out to be sure to remind him that it's not a good idea.

    I told him next time we will wait till difficult child is sleeping and easy child can watch him and we will go out to a late dinner by ourselves.

    How frustrating that at age 11 and 15 the kids cannot make it peacefully through one dinner out!
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Great idea!!

    Some of that is typical teen, I believe. I can remember it with my step-brother and step-sister about that age.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    We make it a policy that if kids are in "argue" mode, we put one in the front seat and a parent sits in the back with the other two to police the situation. And we also let them know what the consequences will be for disrupting the peace, especially IN the restaurant. We also do not let the kids sit next to eachother when they are bickering. It helps a lot to have a parent inbetween each kid.

    Invariably, we get a mile from the house and somebody provokes somebody else. We remind them that if they continue to argue, they all will get out of the car at the bottom of our hill and WALK the 3/4 mile UP to our house. Usually shuts them up, but there are times when it doesn't and they get some exercise :D

    Sorry they ruined your evening.
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    husband sounds like a good guy. I feel bad too just reading it. Kids yup typical teen stuff. Thing is the more you do it the better they will get at it i bet. it'll be painful to get to that point granted lol, yet you two seem like you could totally handle it.

    i'm sorry you didnt' get your calm night with-the family. you should go eat dinner the two of you also, you guys deserve it.
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Wiped out, my guys weren't too bad except when sitting in the car. I'd pull over and stop the car. It got their attention.
    Once when they were a little older than your two, I pulled over and made them get out and walk home. We weren't too far away but if I heard another argument, I was going to hit my head on the steering wheel in frustration.
    I hate arguing in the confined space of a car.
    I don't want to be a victim to their unpleasant behavior. Eventually we didn't take them if they were going to fight.
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    My brother and I were just like that if not worse!
    We would start thumping on each other everywhere and anywhere!
    Even if we were separated we would still F with each other!
    Under the table, throwing stuff...
    Yeah, I would skip the kids!
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    K-I know some of it is typical teen for sure, my brother and I were always arguing. These two though take it over the top-I think because of the difficult child factor (in both of them to an extent).

    GVC-I hear you on that! On the ride home we made difficult child ride in the back of the minivan, easy child rode up front and I sat in the middle section. It helped some but there was still some arguing.

    Fran-That's exactly how I feel about banging the head on the steering wheel (only husband was driving). I've thought about doing the pull over thing but seriously think one of the kids (probably difficult child )would end up getting hurt by the other.

    T-Yep-we are going to skip the kids next time!
  8. Stella

    Stella New Member

    Have you got a local babysitter that would brave minding the kids for a few hours? I know it's difficult finding a babysitter when you have a difficult child(s) but if you do have one I would defintely make it a weekly thing for you and your husband to have some quality time together without the kiddos. I would also make it a rule that during that time you do not even talk about the kids. It's too easy to let difficult child's consume your entire life!!!
  9. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I can definitely relate to this!!! husband and I used to really enjoy an occasional meal out. However, the difficult children made going out to dinner a living HE77. We decided it wasn't worth it. We haven't taken our kids out to dinner in a very, very long time.

    When the economy was better, I would give the kids dinner early on Friday nights and send them upstairs to do whatever they wanted to do. husband would bring home take-out and a movie for us. Although it wasn't ideal, and definitely not peaceful all of the time, it was still a way for us to spend a bit of time together without the kids right in our faces.

    Sorry the kids spoiled the evening for you and husband. I can understand your frustration - I agree - At 11 and 15, they SHOULD be able to behave for a meal out:mad:. It always bothered me too.

    I hope today is a better day and you and husband get some peace and quiet this weekend... WFEN
  10. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I understand wanting to have family bonding type outings.
    I think separating them until they are mature enough to behave is a good strategy. Of course, in your case they would love it and you would be delegated to the back seat(which I hate)forever.
  11. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    WO, why don't you try just taking difficult child some of the time? My teen would love an empty peaceful house for a few hours and could be trusted to behave and my difficult child would love the one on one time. Bring home a favorite dessert for easy child and she should be happy.

    I understand husband wanting to have a life outside of GFGdom and while I don't always take my own advice, I believe it is worth the effort it takes to get out and enjoy each other.