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Parent Emeritus
Not Remembering How People Are: Going Into Denial About Them
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 714658" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Your daughter obviously knows how to push your buttons. What a very cruel thing she did. I agree, she is a bully.</p><p>I think the old saying of "out of sight out of mind" applies in situations like this. You don't see her on a day to day basis so I can see how easy it is to "forget" how mean she can be. I also think there's a part of us that always hopes when we see them, they will be nice.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You are correct, there is nothing you can do to about it.</p><p></p><p>The only control we have is how we respond to what family members do. For me, when it comes to my son I had to remind myself over and over again, DO NOT ENGAGE. My son and I'm sure many others including your daughter will bait us hoping we will bite. Again, there is nothing we can do to stop them from doing this but we can control how we respond. Easier said than done but with practice it's possible.</p><p>I have found the less I say the better and have "canned" responses. I also had to develop a thick skin, a callous if you will, to protect myself.</p><p>Cry if you must but never do it in front of your daughter. Bite the inside of your cheek or dig your fingernails into the palm of your hand, do something that will help you maintain control.</p><p></p><p>You: Would you please step back so I can get a picture of you and the amazing architecture.</p><p>Daughter: I'm not always going to do what you want.</p><p>You: That's fine. (then walk away and separate yourself from her)</p><p>When you said "You didn't have to say that" you engaged and when she saw you crying she did what bullies do, she kicked you while your down.</p><p></p><p>My son has been very ugly to me and verbally abusive. I have a very strong faith and he went on a an attack on Facebook telling me I was stupid, naïve, dumb, blind, lost, etc......</p><p>I learned that trying to defend myself was useless as he would just continue to attack. I found the best response was "I'm sorry you feel that way, this is no longer up for discussion" When he continued after that, I blocked him from my Facebook.</p><p></p><p>Again, we cannot change how people will treat us but we can change how we respond to them.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you had to endure such meanness from you daughter.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 714658, member: 18516"] Your daughter obviously knows how to push your buttons. What a very cruel thing she did. I agree, she is a bully. I think the old saying of "out of sight out of mind" applies in situations like this. You don't see her on a day to day basis so I can see how easy it is to "forget" how mean she can be. I also think there's a part of us that always hopes when we see them, they will be nice. You are correct, there is nothing you can do to about it. The only control we have is how we respond to what family members do. For me, when it comes to my son I had to remind myself over and over again, DO NOT ENGAGE. My son and I'm sure many others including your daughter will bait us hoping we will bite. Again, there is nothing we can do to stop them from doing this but we can control how we respond. Easier said than done but with practice it's possible. I have found the less I say the better and have "canned" responses. I also had to develop a thick skin, a callous if you will, to protect myself. Cry if you must but never do it in front of your daughter. Bite the inside of your cheek or dig your fingernails into the palm of your hand, do something that will help you maintain control. You: Would you please step back so I can get a picture of you and the amazing architecture. Daughter: I'm not always going to do what you want. You: That's fine. (then walk away and separate yourself from her) When you said "You didn't have to say that" you engaged and when she saw you crying she did what bullies do, she kicked you while your down. My son has been very ugly to me and verbally abusive. I have a very strong faith and he went on a an attack on Facebook telling me I was stupid, naïve, dumb, blind, lost, etc...... I learned that trying to defend myself was useless as he would just continue to attack. I found the best response was "I'm sorry you feel that way, this is no longer up for discussion" When he continued after that, I blocked him from my Facebook. Again, we cannot change how people will treat us but we can change how we respond to them. I'm sorry you had to endure such meanness from you daughter. ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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Not Remembering How People Are: Going Into Denial About Them
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