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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 560053" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Susie, what a sad story, I am so sorry. I wasn't around for the time you were actually going through this but I can certainly understand your heartache and the uncertainty of how to proceed. I agree with Janet, in that, at this point in time, there is nothing you can do but accept the choices he's made. I know how difficult that is. I've had family members extricate me from their lives for some misguided reasons only they understood. My sister and my daughter both at different times threw me under the bus. I was blamed for horrible atrocities that were conjured up in wounded brains with no resemblance to the truth and it hurt like heck. It took me a very long time to come to grips with the fact that I didn't do anything to deserve it and there was also nothing I could do to change it.. Like you I wandered around through guilt and remorse until I finally reached a place within me of acceptance. It's a long road. I still feel sad about it but it isn't a big part of my life anymore, I had to learn to move on. I don't say that lightly, I know the pain you feel, but you have 2 other children who need your attention and love and they deserve you there 100%. </p><p></p><p>You did the best you could with what you knew at the time, as we all do, none of us are perfect parents <em>there is no such thing.</em> We're human, we make mistakes, we learn from them and then we forgive ourselves and move on. You had enormous odds working against you with your mother working behind the scenes, with your son raging and now simply forgetting that fact. Just know you did the very best you could and yes you made mistakes but what is important, always, is the intention behind your choices and from what I can see, your intention was all about love. That's where to focus your attention. The rest is now your sons life. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry about your mother and brother and your son, they made choices which hurt many people and you're left with the baggage of that. I know how that feels on a very deep level and I empathize with you. My advice to you is to let go, accept what is, for now, it could change, it may not, but you have a life to live and to live it fully and joyfully, you'll need to accept what is. No easy task I understand, but necessary. Forgive yourself, accept what is and stay in the present moment, not the past and not the future, right here, right now where you're with a husband who loves you and is your best friend and with 2 kids who are thriving. Let go of the guilt, it only serves to hurt you now, let go of the pain, there is nothing you can do right now, let go of all of it and bless him where he is, send him love and go have your life...................(((HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 560053, member: 13542"] Susie, what a sad story, I am so sorry. I wasn't around for the time you were actually going through this but I can certainly understand your heartache and the uncertainty of how to proceed. I agree with Janet, in that, at this point in time, there is nothing you can do but accept the choices he's made. I know how difficult that is. I've had family members extricate me from their lives for some misguided reasons only they understood. My sister and my daughter both at different times threw me under the bus. I was blamed for horrible atrocities that were conjured up in wounded brains with no resemblance to the truth and it hurt like heck. It took me a very long time to come to grips with the fact that I didn't do anything to deserve it and there was also nothing I could do to change it.. Like you I wandered around through guilt and remorse until I finally reached a place within me of acceptance. It's a long road. I still feel sad about it but it isn't a big part of my life anymore, I had to learn to move on. I don't say that lightly, I know the pain you feel, but you have 2 other children who need your attention and love and they deserve you there 100%. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time, as we all do, none of us are perfect parents [I]there is no such thing.[/I] We're human, we make mistakes, we learn from them and then we forgive ourselves and move on. You had enormous odds working against you with your mother working behind the scenes, with your son raging and now simply forgetting that fact. Just know you did the very best you could and yes you made mistakes but what is important, always, is the intention behind your choices and from what I can see, your intention was all about love. That's where to focus your attention. The rest is now your sons life. I'm sorry about your mother and brother and your son, they made choices which hurt many people and you're left with the baggage of that. I know how that feels on a very deep level and I empathize with you. My advice to you is to let go, accept what is, for now, it could change, it may not, but you have a life to live and to live it fully and joyfully, you'll need to accept what is. No easy task I understand, but necessary. Forgive yourself, accept what is and stay in the present moment, not the past and not the future, right here, right now where you're with a husband who loves you and is your best friend and with 2 kids who are thriving. Let go of the guilt, it only serves to hurt you now, let go of the pain, there is nothing you can do right now, let go of all of it and bless him where he is, send him love and go have your life...................(((HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
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