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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 560070" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Susie - Gentle hugs for your hurting heart. I'm so very sorry. Our kids really can bring us to our knees.</p><p></p><p>Wiz is still *incredibly* young, and I'm not sure it's possible for a kid his age to have the insight necessary to understand why you made the choices you did. Esp with- the added complication of whatever junk other family members may have been spoon feeding him. I know the longing to have a relationship with- a kid who just isn't interested - I think it's something you have to wait out. Maybe he will be like my thank you and eventually come around. thank you shocked me a couple of weeks ago by saying something along the lines of how he was starting to realize how hard our family circumstances must have been for me and that he gets now what a good job I did considering what I had to work with. I was stunned. Or... maybe Wiz won't ever get it. I'm not sure that anything you do right now will make him go one way or the other.</p><p></p><p>Our kids turn out to be who they are. It would be really nice to have some understanding and mutual respect or compassion or something along those lines, but I really don't think kids see us as people - we're the parents. Does that make sense? Wiz right now doesn't see your side during those really bad years. Maybe it will come with time, maybe not.</p><p></p><p>I think the only thing you can do is keep the lines of communication open, at least from your end. And you need to forgive yourself for whatever flaws, real or imagined, that you think you had as a mother. Goodness - none of us expected to be dealing with what we ended up dealing with, and I don't think there's a person on the board who doesn't have several of those "I was a horrible mom" memories, but we got the best help we could, we tried our hardest, and we got better. Most importantly, none of us intentionally meant to cause our kids harm.</p><p></p><p>And you also need to remember that with- some kids, a mom is *never* going to win. You wouldn't *believe* the garbage that comes out of my beloved daughter's mouth, all the ways I've ruined her childhood, and by extension her life. I'm okay with- that, though I do hope someday she will get some help, but... I can't do anything about her perceptions.</p><p></p><p>At the end of the day, Susie, we did the very best that we could. We can't control what our kids do with that, but we can and *should* take comfort from the fact that we could not have done any better than our best.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 560070, member: 8"] Susie - Gentle hugs for your hurting heart. I'm so very sorry. Our kids really can bring us to our knees. Wiz is still *incredibly* young, and I'm not sure it's possible for a kid his age to have the insight necessary to understand why you made the choices you did. Esp with- the added complication of whatever junk other family members may have been spoon feeding him. I know the longing to have a relationship with- a kid who just isn't interested - I think it's something you have to wait out. Maybe he will be like my thank you and eventually come around. thank you shocked me a couple of weeks ago by saying something along the lines of how he was starting to realize how hard our family circumstances must have been for me and that he gets now what a good job I did considering what I had to work with. I was stunned. Or... maybe Wiz won't ever get it. I'm not sure that anything you do right now will make him go one way or the other. Our kids turn out to be who they are. It would be really nice to have some understanding and mutual respect or compassion or something along those lines, but I really don't think kids see us as people - we're the parents. Does that make sense? Wiz right now doesn't see your side during those really bad years. Maybe it will come with time, maybe not. I think the only thing you can do is keep the lines of communication open, at least from your end. And you need to forgive yourself for whatever flaws, real or imagined, that you think you had as a mother. Goodness - none of us expected to be dealing with what we ended up dealing with, and I don't think there's a person on the board who doesn't have several of those "I was a horrible mom" memories, but we got the best help we could, we tried our hardest, and we got better. Most importantly, none of us intentionally meant to cause our kids harm. And you also need to remember that with- some kids, a mom is *never* going to win. You wouldn't *believe* the garbage that comes out of my beloved daughter's mouth, all the ways I've ruined her childhood, and by extension her life. I'm okay with- that, though I do hope someday she will get some help, but... I can't do anything about her perceptions. At the end of the day, Susie, we did the very best that we could. We can't control what our kids do with that, but we can and *should* take comfort from the fact that we could not have done any better than our best. [/QUOTE]
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