Not sure if difficult child is telling the truth

[shellyd67]

So I am pulling in the parking lot of my difficult child's baseball game tonight and his teacher is pulling in next to me for her sons baseball game and she says difficult child was very upset this afternoon at school and she wasn't sure why so she sent him down to the guidance counselor and all she could get out of him was that he was MAD. His teacher then asked me if he talked to me about anything that happened at school. I said no and that I would get to the bottom of it after the game. So husband asks difficult child what happened at school and he says one of his classmates told the teacher he was making fun of people on a movie they were watching so the teacher reprimanded him. I asked him his side of the story and he said that the people in the movie were making goats milk and something with ribs from cow. He said,"ew that is weird" and she told the teacher he said the people in the movie were ugly. He insists he didn't say it however he did not defend himself to the teacher fearing he would get in more trouble? He then starts crying saying the same girl told him yesterday he HAS ISSUES AND PROBLEMS. I told him I was going to speak with the teacher tomorrow morning and he said fine. He has been known to lie but he usually would tell me not to call anyone or just drop it if he is lying. Anyhow, he may have said it but I am more PO'd that the girl told him he has issues and problems ! What 3rd grader says **** like that ?

 

[Marguerite]

How did it go, talking to the teacher? Did you get any closer to what probably happened?

We had this sort of problem with difficult child 3, often. And even if his story didn't match what others said, sometimes it was because he had not understood a situation, or he only knew one side of the story. I had to learn how to interrogate him without prejudicing his answers; he learned very early on, how to give the answer he thought the questioner wanted to hear.
So difficult child may not have knowingly lied in any way, but he still might not be telling the true story - if his social skills are poor, then he could have misread all sorts of things, including the teacher's reaction

I spent a lot of time talking to teachers. I also found it helped to cultivate other kids in the class so I could get the story from their vantage point. Inviting kids round for a movie or computer games, with popcorn on tap (I love my popcorn machine!) opened up a lot of communication doors and loosened kids tongues...

Marg

 

[shellyd67]

Thanks Marguerite for the advice. He does have poor social skills and is very scared to get in trouble in school so he never defends himself because he feels that it will get him in more hot water. I put a call into the teacher but difficult child informed me she will be out today and he will have a substitute so I will have to wait until monday for a reply. I did tell him that if the student says that he has problems and issues again to nip it in the bud and say that she is mean and to stop her nonsense or he is going to report her to the principal. I do feel for him because his reality is so different from other kids and they are starting to notice and he is becoming aware of it also. OH, the trials.... I just hope his day is better today. Have a great weekend !

 

[aeroeng]

All kids will say things, and if one has herd the term "you have issues" from someone at home they will repeat it. And they might not even really know what it means. The only way to manage it is to keep the teacher informed of what is being said, how it effects the child, and work with her on strategies to get over the anger and avoid the next one. You might want to let the teacher know that he is afraid to stand up for himself. She should be able to develop a strategy for this too. Example: teach him to feel comfortable to ask to see the counselor, so he can tell the counselor his side of the story and talk through what made him mad. My 11 yr old does not like to verbally express what is bothering him, but he will write it down or draw a picture. (sometimes an encryptic challenge for the teacher)