Im a LONG time lurker and have posted a few times. Seems I never know how to respond to posts since Im always pretty lost myself. I read the board multiple times each day and have gotten TONS of information. I figured you guys were the only ones who would understand and/or have advice, so I humbly come before you all. Hopefully this makes sense-this is the second time Ive written all of this out-I tried to post earlier and it ate my post. I apologize in advance for the length of this--I did attempt to put it in paragraphs to make it easier to read.
My somewhat brief background info: Ashleigh (difficult child-almost 9) has always had issues. Started Speech at age 2 (still in it), Occupational Therapist (OT) for sensory integration at 2, Special Education preschool from age 3-almost 6 when she started K. Didnt do well in K ADHD diagnosed suspected Bipolar-and medications started for ADHD, but went to summer school to try to catch up (she didnt) and was promoted to 1st. Didnt do so well in 1st, but did ok. Promoted to 2nd. Major behavior issues-laying on the floor, disruptive, mean, etc. Bipolar medications started. Was going to be retained but passed the FCAT, went to summer school and was promoted to 3rd which is where we are now. She currently has an F in reading and the lowest possible D in 3 other subjects. Has an F in conduct for inattention, distractibility, and not completing work. Over the years weve tried almost every medication: Strattera, Lithium, Depakote, Focalin, Abilify, Lamictal, Dexidrine, Tenex, Remeron, Clonidine, Adderall, Ritalin, Risperdal, Seroquel, and I know Im forgetting a few. All stims now give her a severe facial tic that cant be controlled even with other medications, so those are out.
Have been asking for help from the school since grade K but nothing was ever really done. Finally I learned from here about sending the certified letter to get testing done and it was done and we got the results yesterday. She has an AIP for reading-so pull out reading instruction with 2 other kids. ST once a week at school and once a week privately. Tutoring from a high school kid (at the school during school hours) once a week. Qualifies and has gone to the after school tutoring when they actually have it-they currently dont. Goes to psychiatrist biweekly, therapist monthly (less often because of husband).
They gave her a ton of tests-some I had to rate her on certain things such as aggression, hyperactivity, depression, social skills, etc and the teacher did the same with the same "test" thing. There were like 150 questions (Im sure you all know what Im talking about) and out of 15 main scales, she scored either "Clinically significant" or "At risk" on ALL of them by either me or the teacher or both. The clinically significant ones as indicated by the TEACHER were overall behavior symptoms, school problems composite, attention problems, and LEARNING PROBLEMS, withdrawal, depression,adaptive skills (social skills, daily living, etc), atypicality, and functional communication. The only area in the average range was anxiety.
Even the teacher got "attacked" by one of them--said that it was "strange" and "not common" and "hard to believe" that Ashleigh would feel lonely "most of the time" and is easily annoyed by others "almost always" which were 2 of the questions on one of the lists. The teacher seemed shocked when they said this and mentioned that that is what she saw and of course they said something to the effect of "well, we're not saying your answers are WRONG-but that just doesn't sound right".
For her adaptive behavior, she scored "extremely low" on all but 1 thing (which was "below average". Their tests also showed the same as our private shrink-very low visual motor integration skills.
Sooo....you'd think something would be done. Nope! Cause they also did an IQ test--which, like our psychiatrist, showed it within normal limits. (although her IQ has dropped over 10pts in a year) The academic testing they did showed her "low" and "below average" in almost all of the tests except the math ones. BUT--they said that there has to be a 15 point discrepancy between her IQ and her scores--and there was only between a 10-14 discrepancy. SO-the woman very smugly and with a small smile, let me know that she doesn't qualify for any help. Seems like a never ending battle with the school.
Of course I brought out all of my evaluations, but that wasn't good enough. Started quoting IDEA laws and NCLB laws such as "The law requires school districts and schools to use "effective research based reading remediation programs so all children are reading at grade level by the end of third grade". They had NO idea what to say to that but again told me if she passed the FCAT, she'd be promoted to 4th gradeeven if she had all Fs for the year on report cards. Nothing I can do as a parent to retain her. I asked them if they were sure and they said yes so I actually said "so you're telling me that the only way she'll be retained and not progressed AGAIN without knowing the previous years stuff, is to have her purposely fail the FCAT". They literally covered their ears and their mouths dropped open and they didn't know what to say other than "I wish I hadn't heard that" . Of course the teacher, a staffing specialist, speech therapist, and school psychologist were in there and NONE of them knew the NCLB laws or IDEA laws. Said we'd have to try to get a meeting with the principal.
So then I said that I knew that just being ADHD (let alone bipolar) would qualify her for Other Health Impaired under the IDEA laws and they acted like "ooooh-well, we COULD do something like that". Then one of them pulls out a paper and says that at the teacher conference I had, I DECLINED that. Umm--NO--that's what I've been fighting for here you idiots. Come to find out, that was the paper they pulled out at the conference about "orthopedic impairments" which she doesn't have and I told them that "NO-she doesn't have an orthopedic problem-she has psychological issues but that's a health issue too". They again mentioned specifically an orthopedic problem and I restated about bipolar. They wrote on the form that I denied the OHI label. So now I have to get a medical doctor (not her therapist) to sign the form saying she has these diagnoses--doesn't matter that I gave them a copy of the psychiatrist (a medical doctor) LAST year for this SAME reason and nothing was done.
If that isn't bad enough-husband yelled all the way home about how I can't "threaten" then to have her flunk the FCAT, that if she does they are going to think it was on purpose, and they're following the state rules and I'm trying to get them to make exceptions (I'm not)and basically now it's MY fault--yet he changes his reasons. One reason is she's on medications and they're affecting her negatively and he's tired of it-another is that I have her on medications that aren't working and won't get her on something that does-another is that the medication guy isn't doing his job and I won't "make" him (kinda hard since he made me tell the therapist I'd only come once a month--like right now-we're trying another drug to help with attention and stuff-and it isn't working-yet I have to wait a month to let him know so we can try something else). therapist is an hour away. Supposedly there are only 2 tdocs in our city-one we used to see but he would ask me what drugs I wanted her to try, and say he didnt know what else could be done with her. The other, Ive heard has fallen asleep while people were in her office. So no real choice but to go an hour away.
So now were on the Lithium, Strattera, and Risperdal. She doesnt rage as much but her moods are more up and down. Not quite as violent and aggressive. Not technically misbehaving in school, but not doing good and cant pay attention and isnt learning ANYTHING. Strattera made her mean when we tried it before and is having no effect now. The medications seem to be dulling her cognitively-as shown by her work, testing, and the psychiatrist and therapist agree. husband wants her off all medications to see what happens (weve done this before and even though is strongly against drugging my kid, allowed me to put her back on them because it was out of control). He thinks shes no better so why medicate her. Major source of conflict on a daily basis. He also says that I pollute it since I read/research the laws, Special Education, bipolar, adhd, odd, etc constantly. Says I know to much about it all. I say Im an informed parent. He also claims that Im just telling the therapist what I want and that he just listens to what I say and cant do his job in the 15 minute appointment we get.
I could go on and on and on--these are just SOME of the issues. I know I'm forgetting half of it since I WAS attempting to keep this short (yeah-like that happened). Im sure Ill remember it all once I post this.
So, Im not sure exactly what Im asking. Im consumed by all of these issues-seems its all I think about. The school won't help, husband just gets irate, and I literally know NO ONE in this city so I don't even know where to turn. Seems she isnt functioning anywhere. Shes literally flunking school, and certainly isnt doing well in the family. Younger siblings are afraid of her and scream when shes near (3yr old is starting to exhibit a lot of the attitude and tantrums and defiance, although I'm pretty sure it's learned from difficult child), older sister just hates difficult child and resents her, husband doesnt even want to be around her. No friends except a 5 yr old boy that will occasionally play with her. So ANY advice on what to do or how to deal with her at home, her at school, and/or the school system itself? If you made it this far, I applaud you and THANK YOU!
My somewhat brief background info: Ashleigh (difficult child-almost 9) has always had issues. Started Speech at age 2 (still in it), Occupational Therapist (OT) for sensory integration at 2, Special Education preschool from age 3-almost 6 when she started K. Didnt do well in K ADHD diagnosed suspected Bipolar-and medications started for ADHD, but went to summer school to try to catch up (she didnt) and was promoted to 1st. Didnt do so well in 1st, but did ok. Promoted to 2nd. Major behavior issues-laying on the floor, disruptive, mean, etc. Bipolar medications started. Was going to be retained but passed the FCAT, went to summer school and was promoted to 3rd which is where we are now. She currently has an F in reading and the lowest possible D in 3 other subjects. Has an F in conduct for inattention, distractibility, and not completing work. Over the years weve tried almost every medication: Strattera, Lithium, Depakote, Focalin, Abilify, Lamictal, Dexidrine, Tenex, Remeron, Clonidine, Adderall, Ritalin, Risperdal, Seroquel, and I know Im forgetting a few. All stims now give her a severe facial tic that cant be controlled even with other medications, so those are out.
Have been asking for help from the school since grade K but nothing was ever really done. Finally I learned from here about sending the certified letter to get testing done and it was done and we got the results yesterday. She has an AIP for reading-so pull out reading instruction with 2 other kids. ST once a week at school and once a week privately. Tutoring from a high school kid (at the school during school hours) once a week. Qualifies and has gone to the after school tutoring when they actually have it-they currently dont. Goes to psychiatrist biweekly, therapist monthly (less often because of husband).
They gave her a ton of tests-some I had to rate her on certain things such as aggression, hyperactivity, depression, social skills, etc and the teacher did the same with the same "test" thing. There were like 150 questions (Im sure you all know what Im talking about) and out of 15 main scales, she scored either "Clinically significant" or "At risk" on ALL of them by either me or the teacher or both. The clinically significant ones as indicated by the TEACHER were overall behavior symptoms, school problems composite, attention problems, and LEARNING PROBLEMS, withdrawal, depression,adaptive skills (social skills, daily living, etc), atypicality, and functional communication. The only area in the average range was anxiety.
Even the teacher got "attacked" by one of them--said that it was "strange" and "not common" and "hard to believe" that Ashleigh would feel lonely "most of the time" and is easily annoyed by others "almost always" which were 2 of the questions on one of the lists. The teacher seemed shocked when they said this and mentioned that that is what she saw and of course they said something to the effect of "well, we're not saying your answers are WRONG-but that just doesn't sound right".
For her adaptive behavior, she scored "extremely low" on all but 1 thing (which was "below average". Their tests also showed the same as our private shrink-very low visual motor integration skills.
Sooo....you'd think something would be done. Nope! Cause they also did an IQ test--which, like our psychiatrist, showed it within normal limits. (although her IQ has dropped over 10pts in a year) The academic testing they did showed her "low" and "below average" in almost all of the tests except the math ones. BUT--they said that there has to be a 15 point discrepancy between her IQ and her scores--and there was only between a 10-14 discrepancy. SO-the woman very smugly and with a small smile, let me know that she doesn't qualify for any help. Seems like a never ending battle with the school.
Of course I brought out all of my evaluations, but that wasn't good enough. Started quoting IDEA laws and NCLB laws such as "The law requires school districts and schools to use "effective research based reading remediation programs so all children are reading at grade level by the end of third grade". They had NO idea what to say to that but again told me if she passed the FCAT, she'd be promoted to 4th gradeeven if she had all Fs for the year on report cards. Nothing I can do as a parent to retain her. I asked them if they were sure and they said yes so I actually said "so you're telling me that the only way she'll be retained and not progressed AGAIN without knowing the previous years stuff, is to have her purposely fail the FCAT". They literally covered their ears and their mouths dropped open and they didn't know what to say other than "I wish I hadn't heard that" . Of course the teacher, a staffing specialist, speech therapist, and school psychologist were in there and NONE of them knew the NCLB laws or IDEA laws. Said we'd have to try to get a meeting with the principal.
So then I said that I knew that just being ADHD (let alone bipolar) would qualify her for Other Health Impaired under the IDEA laws and they acted like "ooooh-well, we COULD do something like that". Then one of them pulls out a paper and says that at the teacher conference I had, I DECLINED that. Umm--NO--that's what I've been fighting for here you idiots. Come to find out, that was the paper they pulled out at the conference about "orthopedic impairments" which she doesn't have and I told them that "NO-she doesn't have an orthopedic problem-she has psychological issues but that's a health issue too". They again mentioned specifically an orthopedic problem and I restated about bipolar. They wrote on the form that I denied the OHI label. So now I have to get a medical doctor (not her therapist) to sign the form saying she has these diagnoses--doesn't matter that I gave them a copy of the psychiatrist (a medical doctor) LAST year for this SAME reason and nothing was done.
If that isn't bad enough-husband yelled all the way home about how I can't "threaten" then to have her flunk the FCAT, that if she does they are going to think it was on purpose, and they're following the state rules and I'm trying to get them to make exceptions (I'm not)and basically now it's MY fault--yet he changes his reasons. One reason is she's on medications and they're affecting her negatively and he's tired of it-another is that I have her on medications that aren't working and won't get her on something that does-another is that the medication guy isn't doing his job and I won't "make" him (kinda hard since he made me tell the therapist I'd only come once a month--like right now-we're trying another drug to help with attention and stuff-and it isn't working-yet I have to wait a month to let him know so we can try something else). therapist is an hour away. Supposedly there are only 2 tdocs in our city-one we used to see but he would ask me what drugs I wanted her to try, and say he didnt know what else could be done with her. The other, Ive heard has fallen asleep while people were in her office. So no real choice but to go an hour away.
So now were on the Lithium, Strattera, and Risperdal. She doesnt rage as much but her moods are more up and down. Not quite as violent and aggressive. Not technically misbehaving in school, but not doing good and cant pay attention and isnt learning ANYTHING. Strattera made her mean when we tried it before and is having no effect now. The medications seem to be dulling her cognitively-as shown by her work, testing, and the psychiatrist and therapist agree. husband wants her off all medications to see what happens (weve done this before and even though is strongly against drugging my kid, allowed me to put her back on them because it was out of control). He thinks shes no better so why medicate her. Major source of conflict on a daily basis. He also says that I pollute it since I read/research the laws, Special Education, bipolar, adhd, odd, etc constantly. Says I know to much about it all. I say Im an informed parent. He also claims that Im just telling the therapist what I want and that he just listens to what I say and cant do his job in the 15 minute appointment we get.
I could go on and on and on--these are just SOME of the issues. I know I'm forgetting half of it since I WAS attempting to keep this short (yeah-like that happened). Im sure Ill remember it all once I post this.
So, Im not sure exactly what Im asking. Im consumed by all of these issues-seems its all I think about. The school won't help, husband just gets irate, and I literally know NO ONE in this city so I don't even know where to turn. Seems she isnt functioning anywhere. Shes literally flunking school, and certainly isnt doing well in the family. Younger siblings are afraid of her and scream when shes near (3yr old is starting to exhibit a lot of the attitude and tantrums and defiance, although I'm pretty sure it's learned from difficult child), older sister just hates difficult child and resents her, husband doesnt even want to be around her. No friends except a 5 yr old boy that will occasionally play with her. So ANY advice on what to do or how to deal with her at home, her at school, and/or the school system itself? If you made it this far, I applaud you and THANK YOU!
