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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 531819" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>It seems to bother you a lot that your son and his girlfriend are sexually active. And I understand a worry (I do hope my easy child isn't yet sexually active and doesn't become so a year or two, but to be honest, I'm not holding my breath.) In my life experience it is very difficult, or more like impossible, to control teens sexuality. And after they have started their sex life, it is loosing battle to try to prevent them continuing doing so. It's of course relatively possible to forbid kids spending a night or sleeping in the same bed, but that doesn't mean they are not able to have sex. When I was young there were couples who were having sex in school bathrooms during the breaks because that was their only opportunity. It is simply impossible to control. You can talk to the kid, you can try to instil values, you can make opportunities less etc. but in the end you can not control other person's sexuality. You also have to remember sexuality is the second strongest urge any animal has and teenage brains are wired for preproduction. In complicated world teen kids brains and situation in life is often not yet ready for the baby, but their bodies think they are. So if I were you, I would maybe think about damage limitation when it comes to this topic. Try to press the idea that they are not at all ready for the baby and using reliable birth control - and making sure they do have an access to that. Luckily it at least seems that girlfriend has her act together enough to maybe take care also this.</p><p></p><p>Maybe it would help to make a written list about the problem behaviours your son has, a list about the things he should absolutely do and things you hope he would do and a list about what you are and are not ready to make for/with him. If I have understood right and your problematic situation is something rather new, it probably feels like total mess. Those lists could make it easier for you to see, what is going on, what options you may have and also help you to prioritize and pick your battles. And also come up with the boundaries that are not to be broken (for example how much destructiveness you can stand in your home considering not only you parents but also his little sister.) Things like that. It doesn't solve anything per se, but may help to make some sense and order to the chaos.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 531819, member: 14557"] It seems to bother you a lot that your son and his girlfriend are sexually active. And I understand a worry (I do hope my easy child isn't yet sexually active and doesn't become so a year or two, but to be honest, I'm not holding my breath.) In my life experience it is very difficult, or more like impossible, to control teens sexuality. And after they have started their sex life, it is loosing battle to try to prevent them continuing doing so. It's of course relatively possible to forbid kids spending a night or sleeping in the same bed, but that doesn't mean they are not able to have sex. When I was young there were couples who were having sex in school bathrooms during the breaks because that was their only opportunity. It is simply impossible to control. You can talk to the kid, you can try to instil values, you can make opportunities less etc. but in the end you can not control other person's sexuality. You also have to remember sexuality is the second strongest urge any animal has and teenage brains are wired for preproduction. In complicated world teen kids brains and situation in life is often not yet ready for the baby, but their bodies think they are. So if I were you, I would maybe think about damage limitation when it comes to this topic. Try to press the idea that they are not at all ready for the baby and using reliable birth control - and making sure they do have an access to that. Luckily it at least seems that girlfriend has her act together enough to maybe take care also this. Maybe it would help to make a written list about the problem behaviours your son has, a list about the things he should absolutely do and things you hope he would do and a list about what you are and are not ready to make for/with him. If I have understood right and your problematic situation is something rather new, it probably feels like total mess. Those lists could make it easier for you to see, what is going on, what options you may have and also help you to prioritize and pick your battles. And also come up with the boundaries that are not to be broken (for example how much destructiveness you can stand in your home considering not only you parents but also his little sister.) Things like that. It doesn't solve anything per se, but may help to make some sense and order to the chaos. [/QUOTE]
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