Thank you everyone. Really. For me to post on a forum (I read them all the time) means I have hit rock bottom.
I love her. So much. Too much obviously to let her affect our lives as she has. I really have tried everything and I made a promise to myself after the Xanax incident that when she turns 18 & continues with this behavior, she'll be out.
I was seeing a psychologist myself for a long time but had to stop as I couldn't afford for both my daughter and I to go. I sacrificed my own mental health to "save" my daughter. Ha! I'm a basket case and she's even worse than before. My counsellor told me last June that my daughter is abusive & should not be in our home. I remove her, and then get told her not being home is bad for her.
I'm SO sad! And I'm SO scared. She rules me by my own fear. And I know it. A friend of hers (male--she didn't hang around him or like him) recently lost his life to drugs. 17 years old. I can't imagine what his mother is going through. But no begging, pleading, or crying (or giving her everything she wants) has stopped her from her self sabotage.
I was the mom who watched intervention religiously with her. That won't happen to me, I thought, but here I am.
I've read posts for hours on here. I feel selfish because I have no advice to offer you amazing people. I feel desperate and crazy.
My younger daughter is 8. For the last four years she has witnessed crazy outbursts, broken things, holes in walls, screaming, swearing, you name it. And I feel terrible I kept allowing this in my home! We've explained to the small child that problem child is moving out and it's time to live her life. And my beautiful daughter seemed unfazed. I know somewhere in there she feels relief. How sad.
I'm praying that my problem child some day sees the light & changes her ways. But I'm praying more that I'll find the strength to make it through if she doesn't.
Thank you everyone.
