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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 682805" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>It is normal to feel these emotions regarding our d cs choices and lifestyle. We did not raise them to become drug addicts. The old saying "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" doesn't apply anymore. There are just too many variables in our modern times for children to go off the rails.</p><p>You know Looking, there are many folks out there going through the very same thing. I understand how you are feeling, been there myself, but really this is on your daughter. This is her choices.</p><p>It's hard when folks at work are talking about their kids going off to college, yadayadayada..... our kids stories would be cause for awkward silence, nervous throat clearing, and exiting the room. I confide with a couple of my work friends. I trust them and also they know when I am having a rough time and am not quite myself. Being here on CD, posting my own woes and ups and downs with my two has given me an outlet. It is important to get the feelings that come along with this journey OUT. At least here, there isn't anything we could write that would shock parents. This is your path with your daughter, it is your decision what you choose to do, or not do. There is no judgement here.</p><p>I do know that my two have said some awful stuff to other people about me. They have blamed me to my face for their problems. I feel that is their way of being able to continue as is, without feeling badly. If one is busy blaming someone else they don't have to look in the mirror. Don't fall into that trap. These d cs will use our feelings of guilt and sorrow to try to get us to continue enabling.</p><p>I think we all go through a gamut of emotions from time to time, more intensely so, when we draw the line in the sand and say no more. Kind of puts one into a whirlwind of feelings and running the tapes of "if I did this or that, then maybe....." It really is a grieving we go through with all of the stages, anger, guilt, remorse, bargaining, etc. Just be prepared for different waves of feelings to hit you. Although, writing here feels like rock bottom for you, it really is a way to start to climb up out of the pit we sink in when our beloveds make terrible choices. We are here for each other. Don't feel as if you are not helping others, or you can't. You help in a way just by posting, because when we reply, we are remembering all that we went/go through and it helps to reaffirm our course of staying firm and stopping the cycle of helping/enabling. The goal is to take back our lives and try to grow stronger and switch the focus from the crazy our d cs are going through to regaining our sanity and our lives back. I truly believe that by remaining strong, by focusing on ourselves and rebuilding our lives, we are showing our d cs how to live by our example.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 682805, member: 19522"] It is normal to feel these emotions regarding our d cs choices and lifestyle. We did not raise them to become drug addicts. The old saying "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" doesn't apply anymore. There are just too many variables in our modern times for children to go off the rails. You know Looking, there are many folks out there going through the very same thing. I understand how you are feeling, been there myself, but really this is on your daughter. This is her choices. It's hard when folks at work are talking about their kids going off to college, yadayadayada..... our kids stories would be cause for awkward silence, nervous throat clearing, and exiting the room. I confide with a couple of my work friends. I trust them and also they know when I am having a rough time and am not quite myself. Being here on CD, posting my own woes and ups and downs with my two has given me an outlet. It is important to get the feelings that come along with this journey OUT. At least here, there isn't anything we could write that would shock parents. This is your path with your daughter, it is your decision what you choose to do, or not do. There is no judgement here. I do know that my two have said some awful stuff to other people about me. They have blamed me to my face for their problems. I feel that is their way of being able to continue as is, without feeling badly. If one is busy blaming someone else they don't have to look in the mirror. Don't fall into that trap. These d cs will use our feelings of guilt and sorrow to try to get us to continue enabling. I think we all go through a gamut of emotions from time to time, more intensely so, when we draw the line in the sand and say no more. Kind of puts one into a whirlwind of feelings and running the tapes of "if I did this or that, then maybe....." It really is a grieving we go through with all of the stages, anger, guilt, remorse, bargaining, etc. Just be prepared for different waves of feelings to hit you. Although, writing here feels like rock bottom for you, it really is a way to start to climb up out of the pit we sink in when our beloveds make terrible choices. We are here for each other. Don't feel as if you are not helping others, or you can't. You help in a way just by posting, because when we reply, we are remembering all that we went/go through and it helps to reaffirm our course of staying firm and stopping the cycle of helping/enabling. The goal is to take back our lives and try to grow stronger and switch the focus from the crazy our d cs are going through to regaining our sanity and our lives back. I truly believe that by remaining strong, by focusing on ourselves and rebuilding our lives, we are showing our d cs how to live by our example. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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