Good for you Looking. You matter very much. How about your 8 year old, is she okay? I ended up having my son see someone, just to be able to share his feelings. He has been through so much with all of this, always been a good kid, an old soul.
You know, I had to think about this one. I think I am the same. When the drama and turmoil was in high gear in my home, I was like SUPER mom, got lots accomplished, well for awhile, then it would start swinging the other way. I am the one who says "THATS IT!" Hubs is quiet, hard worker, but quiet. So, I am the "bad" guy, the enforcer. I digress....
Anyway, I am glad you know this about yourself. I get it, what you are saying. The eye of the storm.....the peace and quiet that settles in on the home after the d cs leave, gives us time to think and fret and worry, for what is coming round the bend. It is probably too, that we have time to zero in on ourselves, to let the wall dissolve and feel what we are really feeling. It is PTSD, you know. We have gone through an awful lot, dealing with these kids, years......of ups and downs, falling for the promises and being disappointed, angry, scared. PTSD.
AWESOME, Looking. It will be good for you to have face to face time with other people.
You are doing really well. Keep up the good work, and let us know how you are doing. Take it one day at a time.
I am glad you have found us.
(((HUGS)))
leafy
