Thank you for all for responding. I cannot describe in words how comforting it is to talk to other parents going through the same (or worse) as our family.
The emotional roller coaster is becoming unbearable at times. I start with being terrified for my child, being angry at her for her choices, being at peace, and being sad and disappointed, only to rinse and repeat. It's obsessive. When I do sleep, I wake up and I am reminded instantly of the reality of my world.
I'm starting to open up with people outside of my family about my kid's choices and behavior. I'm told over and over I'm doing the right thing. My head knows it, my heart is not there yet.
My last communication with her was on Tuesday. I told her that she'd never be back in this house. Ever. I haven't heard from her since and I'm sick to my stomach with worry but I will not reach out to her. I suspect that by late Saturday night or Sunday morning, I'll get a long text or email from her telling me the same old bs. The "I'm sorry, I'll change, I've learned my lesson". I know it's all BS but for some reason I'm hoping for that email. Sick, right? I want to hear "I'm sorry" but the truth is she's not. If she were, this behavior and choices would have changed many years ago, the first time she was "sorry".
I want peace. I'm terrified of learning new and terrible things about what she's doing in her life. I'm scared I'M the one who won't make it.
