Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Not sure where to begin...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Lookingforthelight" data-source="post: 682935"><p>It's Good Friday.</p><p></p><p>It doesn't feel very good. I've spent all day packing Princess's things. She wants her clothes so I packed all of that and her bathroom things in separate bins which my husband will bring to her as I can't see her. We are just waiting to hear from her to tell us she's at the place she wants her things at. Sigh.</p><p></p><p>I then packed all of her other things into "storage" bins. I'm washing all the bedding and packing that too. I was nice about it, and made sure I've cleaned and folded everything, and wrapped breakable items. She doesn't deserve that kindness from me but I'm her mom and I'm not mean. I hope someday she sees that.</p><p></p><p>We have rented a storage unit and will be putting all of her furniture and the other bins in there for her. I know we shouldn't pay for that but we will with the hopes that someday she'll smarten up and maybe find permanent living arrangements and want her furniture. It's my furniture actually (and a nice bedroom suite) but I want it out of my house. THIS is new for me. Very new. I have always made it easy for her (and me!!) for her to come back. And I can't this time.</p><p></p><p>I've kept some things for myself. That I don't want to get lost or broken. Things that I found that she had since she's been very small. They mean a lot to me, but clearly not her considering I've found them under the bed or stuffed wherever. But again, someday, I hope when we can have a relationship and she's on a positive path, I'll be able to give her those things and they'll mean something to her too.</p><p></p><p>Other times I've moved her out, I've been angry. I packed her things with a vengeance. This time was different and it truly makes me sad. Because, I know....this is it.</p><p></p><p>I'm a cleanser. I like to get rid of things that bring negative energy around me. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten rid of really nice things because they represented something "fake" or bad to me. I feel like I'm doing this to my own daughter. And I'm devastated.</p><p></p><p>Leafy mentioned to me something about higher power and handing it over. I do believe in a higher power (not necessarily a "God") but I believe our energy doesn't just die. My mom died almost 20 years ago. I talk to her everyday. I believe it's been her that has clued me into things surrounding my daughter. I've been told my "gut instinct" is almost frightening, how I know something is wrong. And I can never drop it. Like how I knew my kid was pregnant. She was only a few weeks pregnant but for a week my head kept telling me to get her to take a test. And I couldn't get it out of my head, so before school one day, I made her take a test. Or about the Xanax. Something felt wrong. While she was at her boyfriends, I went through her bags she uses to sleep over wherever, and I found a tightly rolled up $5 bill. I have drug tests here. I didn't freak out (on her--inside I was DYING) but asked her to come home for a drug test, and she instantly told me she did Xanax. I've tested her twice since then and it's been negative but I can't ignore my gut. Fast forward to this week, what the hell made me check my drawer for the missing money? I had no reason to check it but I'm laying in bed and my head says "check the drawer". So, I believe it's my mom. I believe she's trying to help me help her, like she couldn't do with me when she was alive.</p><p></p><p>All day, I've been saying to my mom, please help her. Please reassure me I'm doing the right thing. Because the way I'm feeling now, feels like I'm giving up on her. That I'm throwing her to the wolves.</p><p></p><p>There's a reason I've joined this site...I'd never think of doing it before but the night I joined I was pushed to by "my head". I need the support. I need other suffering, scared parents to tell me I'm doing the right thing. I would love to know what my next five years are going to be like, and to know this will "work" and she'll be a thriving, happy adult. I know that's not possible but I'm reassured knowing I have that chance by doing what I'm doing today.</p><p></p><p>It's Good Friday. I'm hoping that something good comes out of this.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for reading.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lookingforthelight, post: 682935"] It's Good Friday. It doesn't feel very good. I've spent all day packing Princess's things. She wants her clothes so I packed all of that and her bathroom things in separate bins which my husband will bring to her as I can't see her. We are just waiting to hear from her to tell us she's at the place she wants her things at. Sigh. I then packed all of her other things into "storage" bins. I'm washing all the bedding and packing that too. I was nice about it, and made sure I've cleaned and folded everything, and wrapped breakable items. She doesn't deserve that kindness from me but I'm her mom and I'm not mean. I hope someday she sees that. We have rented a storage unit and will be putting all of her furniture and the other bins in there for her. I know we shouldn't pay for that but we will with the hopes that someday she'll smarten up and maybe find permanent living arrangements and want her furniture. It's my furniture actually (and a nice bedroom suite) but I want it out of my house. THIS is new for me. Very new. I have always made it easy for her (and me!!) for her to come back. And I can't this time. I've kept some things for myself. That I don't want to get lost or broken. Things that I found that she had since she's been very small. They mean a lot to me, but clearly not her considering I've found them under the bed or stuffed wherever. But again, someday, I hope when we can have a relationship and she's on a positive path, I'll be able to give her those things and they'll mean something to her too. Other times I've moved her out, I've been angry. I packed her things with a vengeance. This time was different and it truly makes me sad. Because, I know....this is it. I'm a cleanser. I like to get rid of things that bring negative energy around me. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten rid of really nice things because they represented something "fake" or bad to me. I feel like I'm doing this to my own daughter. And I'm devastated. Leafy mentioned to me something about higher power and handing it over. I do believe in a higher power (not necessarily a "God") but I believe our energy doesn't just die. My mom died almost 20 years ago. I talk to her everyday. I believe it's been her that has clued me into things surrounding my daughter. I've been told my "gut instinct" is almost frightening, how I know something is wrong. And I can never drop it. Like how I knew my kid was pregnant. She was only a few weeks pregnant but for a week my head kept telling me to get her to take a test. And I couldn't get it out of my head, so before school one day, I made her take a test. Or about the Xanax. Something felt wrong. While she was at her boyfriends, I went through her bags she uses to sleep over wherever, and I found a tightly rolled up $5 bill. I have drug tests here. I didn't freak out (on her--inside I was DYING) but asked her to come home for a drug test, and she instantly told me she did Xanax. I've tested her twice since then and it's been negative but I can't ignore my gut. Fast forward to this week, what the hell made me check my drawer for the missing money? I had no reason to check it but I'm laying in bed and my head says "check the drawer". So, I believe it's my mom. I believe she's trying to help me help her, like she couldn't do with me when she was alive. All day, I've been saying to my mom, please help her. Please reassure me I'm doing the right thing. Because the way I'm feeling now, feels like I'm giving up on her. That I'm throwing her to the wolves. There's a reason I've joined this site...I'd never think of doing it before but the night I joined I was pushed to by "my head". I need the support. I need other suffering, scared parents to tell me I'm doing the right thing. I would love to know what my next five years are going to be like, and to know this will "work" and she'll be a thriving, happy adult. I know that's not possible but I'm reassured knowing I have that chance by doing what I'm doing today. It's Good Friday. I'm hoping that something good comes out of this. Thank you for reading. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Not sure where to begin...
Top