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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 418471" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Welcome to the board. Many of us have been through this, including me. My daughter started smoking pot at 12 and did so much more than pot, although I was too dumb to figure it out until she quit and told me the whole, frightening story. Because your daughter is doing such dangerous things...things that can kill her...I don't suggest being so lenient. I have some suggestions. We couldn't stop daughter from using drugs, but we certainly gave her consequences and I think that our constant vigilance got her to think things over and make her decide that this was not a good life for her. She completely quit, doesn't even smoke cigarettes anymore. </p><p></p><p>Suggestions:</p><p></p><p>1/NO money for anything. We cut our daughter off as soon as we knew just that she was smoking cigarettes. She got a part time job at sixteen and that was one bright spot in those drug years. She worked after school and weekends, less time on the street. That was her only way of getting money. We only bought her essentials and clothes from thrift shops or Walmart. She learned a good work ethic that she still has today (at 26).</p><p></p><p>2/No chores for no money works for me. And I mean NONE.</p><p></p><p>3/No cell phone or, when the time comes, driver's license. If she wants adult things, she needs to behave like one. She can get in trouble on that cell phone and kill somebody in the car.</p><p></p><p>4/You have the right, since she lives in your house, to search her room at will. We did and found out a lot about what was going on. Once we found a letter with a phone number that was a plan for her to run away to see some internet boy in Colorado. We were able to call and put the kabosh on that. Turns out he didn't know she was a minor and the phone was his mother's phone. She wasn't happy. </p><p></p><p>5/NATURAL CONSEQUENCES: In our case, I turned my daughter in when we found pot. It didn't stop her from using drugs, but it made her watch herself and she had to be in early. I've told my kids (and I have raised five to at least age fourteen so far) that if they do something illegal and I know about it, I will turn them in. I don't think it's good to enable the kids...then they just have an easy time self-destructing and I wanted my daughter to have a good life. I thought the best way to maybe give her one was to make it very hard for her to be a drug user. I do not buy t hat teen girls can't behave because of hormones. I have a fourteen year old daughter who is my best behaved child. It's a poor excuse in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>6/You need to get into counseling with husband, even if you don't include daughter because she won't cooperate. Holding things back from husband because he may ground her in my opinion is wrong. I think he's right to ground her. She is not able to take care of herself responsibly. Now if she gets violent or is a threat to you, then perhaps you have to look into something more than grounding as a punishment...like out of home treatment. It seems you don't want to ground her because she is difficult to live with. Whose house it it anyway?</p><p></p><p>Just a few ideas. Others will come alone and welcome to the board (but sorry you had to come on it). <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 418471, member: 1550"] Welcome to the board. Many of us have been through this, including me. My daughter started smoking pot at 12 and did so much more than pot, although I was too dumb to figure it out until she quit and told me the whole, frightening story. Because your daughter is doing such dangerous things...things that can kill her...I don't suggest being so lenient. I have some suggestions. We couldn't stop daughter from using drugs, but we certainly gave her consequences and I think that our constant vigilance got her to think things over and make her decide that this was not a good life for her. She completely quit, doesn't even smoke cigarettes anymore. Suggestions: 1/NO money for anything. We cut our daughter off as soon as we knew just that she was smoking cigarettes. She got a part time job at sixteen and that was one bright spot in those drug years. She worked after school and weekends, less time on the street. That was her only way of getting money. We only bought her essentials and clothes from thrift shops or Walmart. She learned a good work ethic that she still has today (at 26). 2/No chores for no money works for me. And I mean NONE. 3/No cell phone or, when the time comes, driver's license. If she wants adult things, she needs to behave like one. She can get in trouble on that cell phone and kill somebody in the car. 4/You have the right, since she lives in your house, to search her room at will. We did and found out a lot about what was going on. Once we found a letter with a phone number that was a plan for her to run away to see some internet boy in Colorado. We were able to call and put the kabosh on that. Turns out he didn't know she was a minor and the phone was his mother's phone. She wasn't happy. 5/NATURAL CONSEQUENCES: In our case, I turned my daughter in when we found pot. It didn't stop her from using drugs, but it made her watch herself and she had to be in early. I've told my kids (and I have raised five to at least age fourteen so far) that if they do something illegal and I know about it, I will turn them in. I don't think it's good to enable the kids...then they just have an easy time self-destructing and I wanted my daughter to have a good life. I thought the best way to maybe give her one was to make it very hard for her to be a drug user. I do not buy t hat teen girls can't behave because of hormones. I have a fourteen year old daughter who is my best behaved child. It's a poor excuse in my opinion. 6/You need to get into counseling with husband, even if you don't include daughter because she won't cooperate. Holding things back from husband because he may ground her in my opinion is wrong. I think he's right to ground her. She is not able to take care of herself responsibly. Now if she gets violent or is a threat to you, then perhaps you have to look into something more than grounding as a punishment...like out of home treatment. It seems you don't want to ground her because she is difficult to live with. Whose house it it anyway? Just a few ideas. Others will come alone and welcome to the board (but sorry you had to come on it). :) [/QUOTE]
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