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<blockquote data-quote="HowMuchLonger" data-source="post: 418818" data-attributes="member: 11280"><p>Welcome to the board <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I have this weird self esteem issue myself where I feel like a huge hypocrite and a fake offering any kind of advice to people as I can barely control my own son...so I don't usually reply to a whole lot of threads...more of a reader/lurker.</p><p></p><p>But when I read your thread I felt I could respond with something as I was in this same spot as your daughter once myself. I first tried smoking at 8 and addicted and smoking full time by 13. Marijuana at 10 (luckily never liked the effects and left it and other drugs alone). Drinking by 12 and unfortunately liked that far too much. I was drinking whenever/wherever I could find it....at school, or home alone in my room I didn't care. My parents were substance abusers themselves and it was usually readily available and they were always too drunk or high to care or notice. I thought I was cool and fun and likeable and my friends were all doing it, so I fit in. </p><p></p><p>In reality...had my mom EVER even once approached me and asked if I would seek counselling or even just go to a doctor I think I would've broke down and been so grateful for an "out". I hated that I did it, hated myself when I did it, hated who I became and was quickly loosing friends. I was out of control and noone bothered to take the time to help me. When I was 17 I (funny to say) luckily got in trouble with the law. I had been drinking at the time and was sentenced to probation and mandatory alcohol/drug counselling. To this day...20 years later...I KNOW that woman (the counsellor) saved my life. I ended up staying in the counselling LOOOONG after my year probation was up...and later the same counsellor helped my husband and I through some rough patches in our marriage. I can't stress enough how much offering your child an "out" might actually have the opposite effect you think it may.</p><p></p><p>Of course there are going to be kids that don't want to quit....but that one in a few, like myself, may just be waiting for the offer to come. Also to note, when I started on the birth control pill (for the same reasons as your daughter), it did quite a number on me. I became extremely depressed which led me to drink more which made me more depressed...extreme vicious cycle. I'm glad you are addressing these things, and so happy to hear your daughter is willing to talk to someone. This may be the chance she needs <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HowMuchLonger, post: 418818, member: 11280"] Welcome to the board :) I have this weird self esteem issue myself where I feel like a huge hypocrite and a fake offering any kind of advice to people as I can barely control my own son...so I don't usually reply to a whole lot of threads...more of a reader/lurker. But when I read your thread I felt I could respond with something as I was in this same spot as your daughter once myself. I first tried smoking at 8 and addicted and smoking full time by 13. Marijuana at 10 (luckily never liked the effects and left it and other drugs alone). Drinking by 12 and unfortunately liked that far too much. I was drinking whenever/wherever I could find it....at school, or home alone in my room I didn't care. My parents were substance abusers themselves and it was usually readily available and they were always too drunk or high to care or notice. I thought I was cool and fun and likeable and my friends were all doing it, so I fit in. In reality...had my mom EVER even once approached me and asked if I would seek counselling or even just go to a doctor I think I would've broke down and been so grateful for an "out". I hated that I did it, hated myself when I did it, hated who I became and was quickly loosing friends. I was out of control and noone bothered to take the time to help me. When I was 17 I (funny to say) luckily got in trouble with the law. I had been drinking at the time and was sentenced to probation and mandatory alcohol/drug counselling. To this day...20 years later...I KNOW that woman (the counsellor) saved my life. I ended up staying in the counselling LOOOONG after my year probation was up...and later the same counsellor helped my husband and I through some rough patches in our marriage. I can't stress enough how much offering your child an "out" might actually have the opposite effect you think it may. Of course there are going to be kids that don't want to quit....but that one in a few, like myself, may just be waiting for the offer to come. Also to note, when I started on the birth control pill (for the same reasons as your daughter), it did quite a number on me. I became extremely depressed which led me to drink more which made me more depressed...extreme vicious cycle. I'm glad you are addressing these things, and so happy to hear your daughter is willing to talk to someone. This may be the chance she needs :) [/QUOTE]
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