Not Surprised

[Hound dog]

Katie has made up an excuse not to attend the memorial.

I knew it was coming. I believe it is the whole reason she brought up the argument with Nichole in the first place. When that didn't work, she found another excuse.

M has supposedly gotten a job as a dishwasher for a steak house not far from them. He didn't want to "risk" his job by telling them katie had her father's memorial to attend on sat, even before they had the schedule made up. Today I pinned her down about it because we needed to know for transportation issues, and I wasn't waiting until the last second to find out.

She said M has to work and she has no one else to watch the boys.

I didn't make a big deal about it. It's up to her if she comes or not. I'll be darned if I'm begging her to come to her own Dad's memorial.

Disappointed? I think it's hard to be disappointed when I knew she was going to do it. Disgusted is more like it. It's not like it's going to be a long drawn out traumatic event or something. He's in a nice little box. His closest friend will be speaking and probably say a prayer. easy child may speak too, she's been working on something, so I'm not sure, she hasn't said anymore about it. That's it.

M may or may not have a job, I really could care less. He probably doesn't because she's made up some ridiculous excuses as to why Kayla isn't allowed to call me. (gee, I had 2 difficult children ...not counting katie...and I can't ever recall an occasion where I grounded them from talking to their grandma on the phone) Maybe she figures Kayla will spill the beans. Don't care.

I won't be contacting her anymore. She can be the one making the effort, or there will be no effort made. She's a waste of time. If she ever grows up and turns into a functional adult, she'll have to figure it out for herself. I think it would take a miracle just her get her head out of her own *ss, let alone to actually grow up.

I realize that people grieve differently. But this is a matter of respect. If it was a "normal" funeral with the visitation, burial ect..........Ok, no. I guess I couldn't understand it even then. This is her father, for Pete's sake.

We let this be her decision because it needed to be. But it showed us more than she could ever realize.

As far as we're concerned? It makes it more convenient. I don't have to drive, which I've been worrying about. There will be no difficult child drama, because that difficult child won't be there.

 

[susiestar]

in my opinion she is just a lazy witch. There is very little excuse to not go to your father's memorial. I am SURE that she could get a babysitter if she offered to pay someone. Sure, they wouldn't come a second time, but they would come once.

This may be a blessing though. I can see her creating a HUGE scene, sobbing and wailing about how she didn't "get" to spend time with him, truly being a selfish idiot, so at least you are spared that scene.

I am sorry this even has to be a topic of conversation. Please go to the doctor before the service. You NEED to see a doctor about the heart/kidney/digestive issues. The digestive issues CAN be from cardiac problems. Your daughters and son need you healthy.

 

[AnnieO]

I'm gonna sound awful, but GOOD, y'all do NOT need her histrionics.

 

[KTMom91]

I know you were expecting this, but I'm guessing it's still a disappointment. But Step is right; you don't need difficult child hysteria at a time like that.

Many, many hugs. We'll be thinking of you.

 

[crazymama30]

In a way? I think this is a blessing in disguise. On the other hand? It is very very sad that she feels she has to lie and continue to be dishonest. I think if I were you? I would cut contact way down too. You don't need the extra drama right now. You need to take care of you!

 

[DDD]

Ditto and hugs. DDD

 

[donna723]

I agree with the others. She might be doing this just to avoid the gathering at Nicole's house afterwards if she thinks that Nicole will put her in her place again. It's unbelievable that she would find an excuse to skip her own fathers memorial service but, all things considered, it's probably better that she doesn't go. If she did go, you know that she would just find a away to try to make it all about poor little her and you don't need to be putting up with her nonsense now! What she doesn't seem to realize is that her absence from her fathers memorial service is going to speak volumes to everyone else who is there and it won't look good. What are you going to say to all the people who will be asking you, "Where is Katie?"

And I too hope that you will see a doctor about your symptoms. When my mother died, I went through sort of a delayed stress reaction and that may be happening to you too. She was diagnosed with cancer and died a month later. My kids were only 5 and 10 at the time. I held up really well through the whole thing, the hospital, then daily visits to a nursing home 60 miles away, coping with visiting relatives. Then all the details and paperwork of the funeral, insurance, more visiting relatives, etc. I did everything I needed to do and held up like a champ! Then about two weeks later, when the dust had settled, when all the paperwork was done, the relatives gone, and things were getting back to"normal", it hit me! When I finally had time to deal with it, all that stress that I had been under came crashing down on me and I ended up in the ER with chest pains, unable to breathe, thinking I was having a heart attack. It turned out to be a panic attack, a delayed reaction to all I had been dealing with. Not saying that's what your symptoms are and you do need to see a doctor, but stress can definitely cause all kinds of alarming physical symptoms.

 

[rejectedmom]

Lisa, I am so sorry that Kate has been so disappointing inyour time of grief. Take care of you. Hugs, -RM

 

[DammitJanet]

Aww Lisa...Im sorry she is such a pain in the well...you know where. It is most likely best that she isnt there. In my heart, Im very sad for you because I have a feeling that you may be faced with her taking off with the kids again in the very near future. Now that her father isnt there anymore, I dont think she will hang around. She knows you have her pegged. Her only hope was him. She isnt going to change. She is what she is. At her age she is already set in what she is going to do.

 

[mstang67chic]

Lisa, I think this is a good thing. Like you and others have said....you don't need the drama. Heck, you don't need ANY drama right now.

Again, I wish I could be there tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you all tomorrow. I hope things go as best they can and I'll be hoping for more laughter and smiles than tears.

Hugs.

 

[elizabrary]

I'm sorry Lisa- I know you have enough going on right now and do not need to deal with GFGness. Focus on you and getting through this difficult time as best you can. Do something nice for yourself after the service. And if I were you and people ask "Where is Katie?" I would just say simply, "She couldn't be here" and leave it at that. You don't need to explain her, her situation or really anything tomorrow. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

 

[HaoZi]

I'm sorry hon. I wish we also could have been there today, but circumstances dictated otherwise. *hugs*

 

[buddy]

I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for peace and health for you as you go through this time. Sorry for your daughter. She's a big girl (in chronological age anyway) so will have to live with her decision. Sad to say I agree, a blessing for you to not have the stress/drama of her being there, though I'm sure you would have liked the whole thing to be different.

 

[pasajes4]

My heart is breaking for you.

 

[keista]

((((HUGS)))) Please don't let it bother you. The memorial isn't really for husband, it's for all of you left behind. Whether Katie goes or not, she's wreaking havoc on everyone else and not allowing everyone to say goodbye in peace. in my opinion you are all better off if she does not go. Her absence will be less disruptive than her presence. She and she alone will have to figure out how to make peace with this decision.

 

[Star*]

As much as a part of me really wishes your heart could be that much of a stone? ........I know you better. I know you wish you were that much of a stone too. I dunno Lis' maybe time, old age....wisdom........people and how they really can be despite mental illness and whatever......you just have enough of everyone elses 'junk' and finally start saying to yourself - "you know what self? I'm really happier knowing less people and sitting down on the floor with just me and Bruce and the Molly-ster." This is why my door mat says - GO AWAY....(no joke)

I'm only grateful there was no added grief at the memorial.

 

[Hound dog]

Starbie, you do know me too well.

I'd cut katie off in a heartbeat if it were just katie. I'd tell her to get in touch once she finally got her life together, until then......phht.

But there are the grandkids. And those kids need someone to actually give a d*mn about them. Sometimes that makes me really livid.

Katie's self centeredness prevented Kayla from getting to tell her grandpa goodbye. But I'll find a way to at least include her in planting the tree and flowers. She can say her goodbye then.