Not What I Expected

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by cameronellis, May 2, 2008.

  1. cameronellis

    cameronellis New Member

    I was prepared for more raging tonight from my son due to my not giving him the phone back and my refusal to drive him to the skating rink. But instead, it was a quiet peaceful night.

    He shocked me by coming to talk to me about his behavior. He said that he had been thinking about a lot of things and realized that everyone is really out for themselves, that you really can't count on anyone and that I am the only person in this world who will always be there for him and fight for him instead of just thinking about myself.

    Then he said " I treat you really bad." And he said that when he thought of my being the only person who is there for him and the fact that he treats me worse than anyone else, he felt so bad that he cried.

    I have never, ever heard him admit that. He always blames me for the way he acts. I am so mean, unreasonable, strict, unfair and on and on. I have never heard him admit that he knows he treats me poorly. And I have surely never seen any remorse.

    He then started talking about the fun that we used to have and all of the time we used to spend together and said he missed that.

    That is what makes him so difficult to deal with. Just when I am at the end of my rope, I'll see something in him that gives me hope. Until the next time.

    For all I know his new sense of awareness may be brought on by nothing more than a desire to calm me down enough to get the phone back. Or it may be sincere.

    I guess we'll see how the weekend plays out since he is still not getting that phone back. He hasn't asked today, but we'll see when he does, how he reacts to another "no".
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I doubt that he could really pull off tears unless they were authentic.
    Still, I agree about the manipulation. My son does that, too.
    Stay strong.
    Eventually he will learn and you won't doubt that the tears are sincere.
    For now, it's always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
    How old is he? Can you go into User CP and type up some things about yourself?
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It sounds like maybe a hint of maturity is peeking through? Or one of his friends said something.

    I know when a child came in to my son's class who was very badly abused, my son listened to what this child said his parents did. It made him see, for a little while, that we really were there for him. He wanted to do more with me for quite a while after that, because it scared him that people like that were out there. (Sadly, my son never felt his dad, my husband, was really "there" for him the way I was.)

    I am glad your son saw, if even for a minute, that you are really there looking out for him, even when it isn't fun for you.


  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Enjoy it while you can. Hope that this self awareness is the beginning of growth and stick to your guns. Let him prove to you that he deserves your trust.
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope, like you, that there is sencerity in his words, rather than manipulation. Sometimes our difficult children suprise us and maturity awareness sneek in!

    Do us a favor, please do a profile sig that will show up at the bottom of your posts like you see on ours. With so many members, it is difficult to remember each one, how old their children are, what the diagnosis's are, are there medications, etc., when reading a post.

  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How nice! It's nice when they show glimpses of maturity. Just makes you wonder where that goes when they're acting up!
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am so happy for you! It sure makes your day when kids start to appreciate you. I am anxiously awaiting the next chapter in this event. Let us know how it goes.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    This is a Lighbulb moment. Savor it. If you're lucky, there will be many more to come. Doesn't mean the gfgness will magically disappear, it just means he is beginning to grow up a little.

    Good for difficult child. Lightbulb moments are a good sign.