Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Now she's not turning herself in!!!!???
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 249801" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I agree, don't validate the ghetto persona.</p><p></p><p>I'm wondering - I'd be suspecting she's doing it for an audience, she's calling out of bravado (maybe a friend suggested shecall you, maybe she's calling to ask for money or whatever) but her "attitude" sounds to me like a show she's putting on for whever else in in the room with her. "Listen to me, I can talk real tough with my mother, I'm really hard, I'm one of you lot, look up to me and respect me."</p><p></p><p>I used to get something a bit like this with easy child when she brought friends home. Normally a really grat kid who showed respect, she would suddenly back-talk me, make insulting remarks and try to lauh about it, generally try to sound rude but superior, as if trying to send the message to her friends, "I rule the roost in tis house" and seemingly confident that I wouldn't shame her in front of her friends. Of course, when I DID call her on it in front of her friends, ir provoked the mother of all rows.</p><p></p><p>With easy child I was able to say to her (after her friends had left), "Why do you behave so badly when your friends are there? What are you trying to prove to them? Do you think they will respect you more, when they hear you disrespecting me? Because if you can't keep a civil tongue in your head when you talk to me like that because you have friends over, then your friends will not be welcome even though THEY are not the problem."</p><p></p><p>Your daughter sounds like this, but ramped up a few orders of magnitude. If she's doing this to try to impress, then HER audience needs to see her get hung up on. The consequences need to be bigger. Stay polite, don't shout back or lower yourself to her level, but your attitude has to be - "I received a very unpleasant phone call from some ghetto freak who I don't know. We don't receive calls like that in this household, we deserve better tretment than that."</p><p>And the message to her - just as she talks disrespectfully and in this ghetto act, with whoever listening on to her in the room with her, they will see her suddenly talking to a dead phone. They will personally witness the let-down in her of suddenly no audience. She will lose face immediately in front of others. THAT will work better than any quiet interaction just between you two.</p><p></p><p>Ghetto talk doesn't work, it doesn't get you what you want. It's an act, it's stupid, it's a waste of a phone call. It's not HER. And the sooner she gets that message, the better for all of you.</p><p></p><p>She's treating you terribly, so stand your ground (not that it's going to make any difference now, she's done herself too much damage). Your nightmares are your fears. If sh'e prostituting herself - you can't do anything about it. She will do what she will do. All you can do is be there for her within your own limitations, when the crunch comes. Sorry. It's not pretty right now. She needs treatment, but until she takes responsibility for herself, I don't think there's anything more you can do, except work hard to not enable her in any way. The sooner she hits rock bottom, the sooner she can begin her own climb back up.</p><p></p><p>Until then - it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. All you can do is roll bandages and wait.</p><p></p><p>I wish I could say something more cheerful, but I won't give you false hope and try to say things untrue, just to make you feel better. Just keep telling yourself - you are not to blame. She is doing this to herself. she is an adult. You have done a superhuman job but now you have to let her find her own feet because she won't let you do a parenting job any more.</p><p></p><p>Be strong, and focus on your son.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 249801, member: 1991"] I agree, don't validate the ghetto persona. I'm wondering - I'd be suspecting she's doing it for an audience, she's calling out of bravado (maybe a friend suggested shecall you, maybe she's calling to ask for money or whatever) but her "attitude" sounds to me like a show she's putting on for whever else in in the room with her. "Listen to me, I can talk real tough with my mother, I'm really hard, I'm one of you lot, look up to me and respect me." I used to get something a bit like this with easy child when she brought friends home. Normally a really grat kid who showed respect, she would suddenly back-talk me, make insulting remarks and try to lauh about it, generally try to sound rude but superior, as if trying to send the message to her friends, "I rule the roost in tis house" and seemingly confident that I wouldn't shame her in front of her friends. Of course, when I DID call her on it in front of her friends, ir provoked the mother of all rows. With easy child I was able to say to her (after her friends had left), "Why do you behave so badly when your friends are there? What are you trying to prove to them? Do you think they will respect you more, when they hear you disrespecting me? Because if you can't keep a civil tongue in your head when you talk to me like that because you have friends over, then your friends will not be welcome even though THEY are not the problem." Your daughter sounds like this, but ramped up a few orders of magnitude. If she's doing this to try to impress, then HER audience needs to see her get hung up on. The consequences need to be bigger. Stay polite, don't shout back or lower yourself to her level, but your attitude has to be - "I received a very unpleasant phone call from some ghetto freak who I don't know. We don't receive calls like that in this household, we deserve better tretment than that." And the message to her - just as she talks disrespectfully and in this ghetto act, with whoever listening on to her in the room with her, they will see her suddenly talking to a dead phone. They will personally witness the let-down in her of suddenly no audience. She will lose face immediately in front of others. THAT will work better than any quiet interaction just between you two. Ghetto talk doesn't work, it doesn't get you what you want. It's an act, it's stupid, it's a waste of a phone call. It's not HER. And the sooner she gets that message, the better for all of you. She's treating you terribly, so stand your ground (not that it's going to make any difference now, she's done herself too much damage). Your nightmares are your fears. If sh'e prostituting herself - you can't do anything about it. She will do what she will do. All you can do is be there for her within your own limitations, when the crunch comes. Sorry. It's not pretty right now. She needs treatment, but until she takes responsibility for herself, I don't think there's anything more you can do, except work hard to not enable her in any way. The sooner she hits rock bottom, the sooner she can begin her own climb back up. Until then - it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. All you can do is roll bandages and wait. I wish I could say something more cheerful, but I won't give you false hope and try to say things untrue, just to make you feel better. Just keep telling yourself - you are not to blame. She is doing this to herself. she is an adult. You have done a superhuman job but now you have to let her find her own feet because she won't let you do a parenting job any more. Be strong, and focus on your son. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Now she's not turning herself in!!!!???
Top