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now son wants to leave country....!
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 680220" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>My daughter also did not have her bio-dad in her life and has not been one to be ok with her dad out of her life. (It was his choice and he virtually abandoned her.) Since she has become an adult, she has "re-connected" with him. He is a drug addict, an alcoholic, and I believe also suffers from the same mental illness she does (only undiagnosed). The way my therapist explained it is that when children finally meet a long absent parent, children will naturally look for similarities between themselves and their absent parent and one of two things can happen. (1) The child is old enough and matured enough to be confident in who they are as a person to meet the parent and see him or her objectively. (2) When the child suffers lack of confidence, maturity, mental illness, addictions, etc, they have an "OH, now I see where I get it from" and it becomes an unhealthy bond where the adult absent parent may actually reinforce those negative behaviors and choices. That is exactly what happened with my daughter. Her first meeting with bio-dad had them drinking and doing drugs together. </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do now that he is an adult. He has to see it himself. He probably won't. He will probably be blind to his father's negatives in his need to be loved and accepted by him. Keeping his birth certificate will do nothing except create resentment toward you. He can get it so you do nothing by withholding it except give him a reason to be angry with you. I would do nothing else, however. Passports are expensive, there is a lot of paperwork to fill out, and NO, you cannot get it in 2 weeks. Chances are, the process of it, if he has to do it on his own, will weigh him down before he gets through it. And he will have a lot of things he will have to figure out: money, his car, his belongings, etc. Let him get bogged down in the totality of how much work it is going to take to "go hang with Dad for a few months." It isn't just a suitcase and a few hours drive.</p><p></p><p>I would in no way help him, either, but I wouldn't disparage his dad (it will come back to bite you no matter how true it is) or try to treat him like a child. Make him be the adult and do the work, suffer the consequences. When he asks you to handle something so he can get started on his "getaway" just politely say, "I'm sorry, son, I can't do that for you. This is your business and you need to take care of it. I wish you the best." That is all you can do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 680220, member: 19905"] My daughter also did not have her bio-dad in her life and has not been one to be ok with her dad out of her life. (It was his choice and he virtually abandoned her.) Since she has become an adult, she has "re-connected" with him. He is a drug addict, an alcoholic, and I believe also suffers from the same mental illness she does (only undiagnosed). The way my therapist explained it is that when children finally meet a long absent parent, children will naturally look for similarities between themselves and their absent parent and one of two things can happen. (1) The child is old enough and matured enough to be confident in who they are as a person to meet the parent and see him or her objectively. (2) When the child suffers lack of confidence, maturity, mental illness, addictions, etc, they have an "OH, now I see where I get it from" and it becomes an unhealthy bond where the adult absent parent may actually reinforce those negative behaviors and choices. That is exactly what happened with my daughter. Her first meeting with bio-dad had them drinking and doing drugs together. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do now that he is an adult. He has to see it himself. He probably won't. He will probably be blind to his father's negatives in his need to be loved and accepted by him. Keeping his birth certificate will do nothing except create resentment toward you. He can get it so you do nothing by withholding it except give him a reason to be angry with you. I would do nothing else, however. Passports are expensive, there is a lot of paperwork to fill out, and NO, you cannot get it in 2 weeks. Chances are, the process of it, if he has to do it on his own, will weigh him down before he gets through it. And he will have a lot of things he will have to figure out: money, his car, his belongings, etc. Let him get bogged down in the totality of how much work it is going to take to "go hang with Dad for a few months." It isn't just a suitcase and a few hours drive. I would in no way help him, either, but I wouldn't disparage his dad (it will come back to bite you no matter how true it is) or try to treat him like a child. Make him be the adult and do the work, suffer the consequences. When he asks you to handle something so he can get started on his "getaway" just politely say, "I'm sorry, son, I can't do that for you. This is your business and you need to take care of it. I wish you the best." That is all you can do. [/QUOTE]
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