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now son wants to leave country....!
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<blockquote data-quote="rebelson" data-source="post: 680222" data-attributes="member: 19966"><p>His dad has 'been around' for his life, but not ever consistently. He missed all the summers our parental agreement assigned him to son, he missed all the 'assigned' weekends with, birthdays of son, he missed a lot. Most. Though I never let son know that his dad was missing. He just 'was'. I used to fax copies of son's soccer game schedules to grammy's house (son's father's mother) in hopes that bio dad would show up to one. HE did show up to ONE. For that one, he brought a 'bimbo' looking girl, she must have been 18 to his 30....and they sat far away from field, not even paying attention to game. That was the ONE game I ever remember he showed up at.</p><p></p><p>Son lived with him for almost a year, maybe when son was 16ish...when he (bio dad) was doing well with a pool business he had started. He was doing very well at that time, had a condo on the beach, nice sports car. He and son were a hot mess together. Son was bringing girls in and out of there, drinking, while in high school! Would call me and tell me dad was hitting on one of them!</p><p></p><p>The dad is a mess. Now, son wants to join him, for a 'few months'. I'm sure son seeing the pics of beautiful Colombian women, on dad's FB page, is a temptation.</p><p></p><p>I think my son is the #2 that you referred to, TheWalrus. <em>"OH, now I see where I get it from" and it becomes an unhealthy bond where the adult absent parent may actually reinforce those negative behaviors and choices. That is exactly what happened with my daughter. Her first meeting with bio-dad had them drinking and doing drugs together."</em></p><p></p><p>As I said before, they are a hot mess when together. Competing for young women, drinking together, watching football together like young buddies, it's unhealthy. Your dtr needs her father, and my son needs his father. Both fathers are UNhealthy for them. What can we do? Nothing.</p><p></p><p>I need to stop saying negative things about his going to Colombia. Because if it doesn't work out, he will BLAME ME for not being supportive, right? Isn't this what they do? Blame. Blame. Blame. Everyone but themselves. I'm not even actually really saying negative things, just realistic things. Like the questions that I posted above. But, he doesn't appreciate reality. It's moment by moment.</p><p></p><p>I told him that I would not give him my original copy of his birth certificate. But, that he could obtain one on his own. That satisfied him. How he will do this? No idea. He has NO $. NO job. My husband is like 'how is he going to get the plane ticket there? It can't be cheap?' I have NO idea. I do know that he said the dad told him how and where to go to get a passport. So, likely the dad is on board with this plan. I have not spoken to or texted son today. He texted me that message that I posted in original thread above, here. But, I did not respond. He was very rude to me last night on the phone. More personal berating of husband and me. And pumping up of the bio alcoholic father and HIS dysfunctional family. Unbelievable.</p><p></p><p>I just looked online and one can fly round trip from Miami to Medellin for under $400. I wish it were more expensive! </p><p></p><p>I got off the phone and husband told me, <em>'if we are so horrible, why does he keep calling us instead of them?' </em>You know? That was a great question......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rebelson, post: 680222, member: 19966"] His dad has 'been around' for his life, but not ever consistently. He missed all the summers our parental agreement assigned him to son, he missed all the 'assigned' weekends with, birthdays of son, he missed a lot. Most. Though I never let son know that his dad was missing. He just 'was'. I used to fax copies of son's soccer game schedules to grammy's house (son's father's mother) in hopes that bio dad would show up to one. HE did show up to ONE. For that one, he brought a 'bimbo' looking girl, she must have been 18 to his 30....and they sat far away from field, not even paying attention to game. That was the ONE game I ever remember he showed up at. Son lived with him for almost a year, maybe when son was 16ish...when he (bio dad) was doing well with a pool business he had started. He was doing very well at that time, had a condo on the beach, nice sports car. He and son were a hot mess together. Son was bringing girls in and out of there, drinking, while in high school! Would call me and tell me dad was hitting on one of them! The dad is a mess. Now, son wants to join him, for a 'few months'. I'm sure son seeing the pics of beautiful Colombian women, on dad's FB page, is a temptation. I think my son is the #2 that you referred to, TheWalrus. [I]"OH, now I see where I get it from" and it becomes an unhealthy bond where the adult absent parent may actually reinforce those negative behaviors and choices. That is exactly what happened with my daughter. Her first meeting with bio-dad had them drinking and doing drugs together."[/I] As I said before, they are a hot mess when together. Competing for young women, drinking together, watching football together like young buddies, it's unhealthy. Your dtr needs her father, and my son needs his father. Both fathers are UNhealthy for them. What can we do? Nothing. I need to stop saying negative things about his going to Colombia. Because if it doesn't work out, he will BLAME ME for not being supportive, right? Isn't this what they do? Blame. Blame. Blame. Everyone but themselves. I'm not even actually really saying negative things, just realistic things. Like the questions that I posted above. But, he doesn't appreciate reality. It's moment by moment. I told him that I would not give him my original copy of his birth certificate. But, that he could obtain one on his own. That satisfied him. How he will do this? No idea. He has NO $. NO job. My husband is like 'how is he going to get the plane ticket there? It can't be cheap?' I have NO idea. I do know that he said the dad told him how and where to go to get a passport. So, likely the dad is on board with this plan. I have not spoken to or texted son today. He texted me that message that I posted in original thread above, here. But, I did not respond. He was very rude to me last night on the phone. More personal berating of husband and me. And pumping up of the bio alcoholic father and HIS dysfunctional family. Unbelievable. I just looked online and one can fly round trip from Miami to Medellin for under $400. I wish it were more expensive! I got off the phone and husband told me, [I]'if we are so horrible, why does he keep calling us instead of them?' [/I]You know? That was a great question...... [/QUOTE]
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