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Now that I kicked my 18 year old daughter out, where do I go from here?
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<blockquote data-quote="Cindy Marie" data-source="post: 709256" data-attributes="member: 21540"><p>I am trying to take all the right steps. This agency is calling me back today. I could not go back to sleep as this is just keeping me in knots. Since just my last post from last night, my daughter texted me that she can not wait to see me again today, that she loves me(she actually wrote "I love you mommy."..this always makes me smile when she calls me mommy at 18). Then she said she loves me more than anything and that she knows I am not happy with her but that she loves me and she is trying to make me proud. My heart aches for her as this by far is making me proud. I have also come to learn of more lies as that his mother and stepfather-where she is staying-think that we just got into some type of argument-not sure about what as she would not say-but that they apparently thought I knew of this so called relationship. I did not and from what I understand they would not let her stay if they were aware of that. She has continued to go back there this week after her part time job. She continues asking about the dinner she wants us to all go to with him and after this Friday-after seeing how it goes-then she can bring the rest of her belongings home. I asked her why she has not gone ahead and brought the rest of them as during the week she has brought inside what was inside her trunk and car. I have told her that I do not think it is best that we go to dinner as I know if we let our guards down, she will have him over our house and not to mention..if we do go to dinner and still inform her he can not come to our house -how is she going to understand this or perceive this? I think the reason for continuing to go back to that house this week is because she is not telling them what she is telling me and keeping them thinking we are still in an argument until this weekend provided we go to dinner and then she will be comfortable to bring her things back knowing he could come over anytime so she thinks. So while she told me why she lied about this guy -she knew we would not accept it and still do not- why did she lie to his family in order to stay there? It is just one big lie...one right after another-and she has got to be exhausted keeping up with them. </p><p></p><p>One thing the domestic violence lady said was to continue telling her she is worthy and to point out specific things about a relationship--such as love is not lying-love is not hurting someone and to use my husband and our relationship(he is such a kind and gentle man and has always said a man should treat his wife with respect and show that to their children)This is what perplexes me as our children have always seen this in him and me and he has always put his family first. She has seen nothing but love and respect in our home. With this said, I also pointed out to her - when she would say that at least this guy cares about her school-keep in mind she did not go to class yesterday as she was not feeling well yesterday morning and parked her car into our garage and wanted me to drive my car for my errands -we know so he would not see her or us- and I mentioned love is not getting someone under a car payment that she could not afford-she is feeling like she is going to have to drop a class or even this semester in order to work for this car-she works an average of 15 hours per week-a little more than $8 per hour and this car payment is $300 and the insurance he has on it-I believe she is on his policy with State Farm-is $300 per month. So I reiterated that if he cared about her school and not missing class-why would he insist on her getting under this kind of pressure? I know she is a bright child but we know why he got her into this and as my other daughter continues to say she is so fearful of him. Well I actually said this on Tuesday and it must have registered somewhat as she said yesterday that she did not know how she was going to work, go to school, and pay over $600 per month. She even thought since she just got it she could take it back since she has not paid the first payment. Poor girl- I told her it does not quite work like that with the purchase of a car-if she lets it go-it is in his name too-but if he does not pay- that is her credit she will be ruined at such an early age. She left for work frustrated as she text me that she apologized how she left but she was just frustrated. She had also said "mom if you can get me a car-please do." Well I said I told you this when you mentioned me taking away a car if I got you one and that to never ever co sign with anyone such as a boyfriend -certainly not this crazy man-did not call him that as I am trying to not say so much about him as I am the situation per the DV agency. She said well it is after the fact now. I told her well she is obligated if she does not want her credit ruined. I feel like as long as we do not allow him to come over, she is going to continue this lie with his family(Lord only knows when they will say enough is enough and you need to leave) and not come home. It is crazy as she only works approximately 3 miles from home and she is leaving work every night to drive 45 minutes to this crazy man's home. She did also say as far as her belongings go-she has not had a chance to get the rest of them-we know better. I also found out the phone which has always been under my husband's name should not have been allowed to be taken to another carrier without his consent. She has the same phone we are still paying for but a different number. Our carrier-Verizon-said eventually at some point the phone will not work and that they have no idea how that slipped through the cracks as my husband was not informed or sent any consent to transfer an active phone. I also called the other carrier it was transferred to and they said the same thing. She is eligible for an upgrade in May and wants to get a new phone. Now she is scared to tell him anything as his mother ( previously we were not sure who was paying for the phone or if she got a new phone as well etc.) added her number to her plan. There is not a contract through the other carrier-but she says she will have to "provide an explanation" to them as to why she is getting a new phone suddenly(well I have not gotten anything yet) and she does not want to be confronted by them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Cindy Marie, post: 709256, member: 21540"] I am trying to take all the right steps. This agency is calling me back today. I could not go back to sleep as this is just keeping me in knots. Since just my last post from last night, my daughter texted me that she can not wait to see me again today, that she loves me(she actually wrote "I love you mommy."..this always makes me smile when she calls me mommy at 18). Then she said she loves me more than anything and that she knows I am not happy with her but that she loves me and she is trying to make me proud. My heart aches for her as this by far is making me proud. I have also come to learn of more lies as that his mother and stepfather-where she is staying-think that we just got into some type of argument-not sure about what as she would not say-but that they apparently thought I knew of this so called relationship. I did not and from what I understand they would not let her stay if they were aware of that. She has continued to go back there this week after her part time job. She continues asking about the dinner she wants us to all go to with him and after this Friday-after seeing how it goes-then she can bring the rest of her belongings home. I asked her why she has not gone ahead and brought the rest of them as during the week she has brought inside what was inside her trunk and car. I have told her that I do not think it is best that we go to dinner as I know if we let our guards down, she will have him over our house and not to mention..if we do go to dinner and still inform her he can not come to our house -how is she going to understand this or perceive this? I think the reason for continuing to go back to that house this week is because she is not telling them what she is telling me and keeping them thinking we are still in an argument until this weekend provided we go to dinner and then she will be comfortable to bring her things back knowing he could come over anytime so she thinks. So while she told me why she lied about this guy -she knew we would not accept it and still do not- why did she lie to his family in order to stay there? It is just one big lie...one right after another-and she has got to be exhausted keeping up with them. One thing the domestic violence lady said was to continue telling her she is worthy and to point out specific things about a relationship--such as love is not lying-love is not hurting someone and to use my husband and our relationship(he is such a kind and gentle man and has always said a man should treat his wife with respect and show that to their children)This is what perplexes me as our children have always seen this in him and me and he has always put his family first. She has seen nothing but love and respect in our home. With this said, I also pointed out to her - when she would say that at least this guy cares about her school-keep in mind she did not go to class yesterday as she was not feeling well yesterday morning and parked her car into our garage and wanted me to drive my car for my errands -we know so he would not see her or us- and I mentioned love is not getting someone under a car payment that she could not afford-she is feeling like she is going to have to drop a class or even this semester in order to work for this car-she works an average of 15 hours per week-a little more than $8 per hour and this car payment is $300 and the insurance he has on it-I believe she is on his policy with State Farm-is $300 per month. So I reiterated that if he cared about her school and not missing class-why would he insist on her getting under this kind of pressure? I know she is a bright child but we know why he got her into this and as my other daughter continues to say she is so fearful of him. Well I actually said this on Tuesday and it must have registered somewhat as she said yesterday that she did not know how she was going to work, go to school, and pay over $600 per month. She even thought since she just got it she could take it back since she has not paid the first payment. Poor girl- I told her it does not quite work like that with the purchase of a car-if she lets it go-it is in his name too-but if he does not pay- that is her credit she will be ruined at such an early age. She left for work frustrated as she text me that she apologized how she left but she was just frustrated. She had also said "mom if you can get me a car-please do." Well I said I told you this when you mentioned me taking away a car if I got you one and that to never ever co sign with anyone such as a boyfriend -certainly not this crazy man-did not call him that as I am trying to not say so much about him as I am the situation per the DV agency. She said well it is after the fact now. I told her well she is obligated if she does not want her credit ruined. I feel like as long as we do not allow him to come over, she is going to continue this lie with his family(Lord only knows when they will say enough is enough and you need to leave) and not come home. It is crazy as she only works approximately 3 miles from home and she is leaving work every night to drive 45 minutes to this crazy man's home. She did also say as far as her belongings go-she has not had a chance to get the rest of them-we know better. I also found out the phone which has always been under my husband's name should not have been allowed to be taken to another carrier without his consent. She has the same phone we are still paying for but a different number. Our carrier-Verizon-said eventually at some point the phone will not work and that they have no idea how that slipped through the cracks as my husband was not informed or sent any consent to transfer an active phone. I also called the other carrier it was transferred to and they said the same thing. She is eligible for an upgrade in May and wants to get a new phone. Now she is scared to tell him anything as his mother ( previously we were not sure who was paying for the phone or if she got a new phone as well etc.) added her number to her plan. There is not a contract through the other carrier-but she says she will have to "provide an explanation" to them as to why she is getting a new phone suddenly(well I have not gotten anything yet) and she does not want to be confronted by them. [/QUOTE]
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Now that I kicked my 18 year old daughter out, where do I go from here?
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