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Now that I kicked my 18 year old daughter out, where do I go from here?
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<blockquote data-quote="Cindy Marie" data-source="post: 709452" data-attributes="member: 21540"><p>Somewhereout there, Marthacat, and Copabanana-thank you for the continued support.. Copabanana-you have spoken a parable. As I read your message, I could hear my dear mother speaking. Your comment about your mother were the words spoken right out of my mouth. I was so close to my mother and oh how I miss her. Your last two messages were finely written. I feel somewhat as though I may be gaining a little more strength in this matter. </p><p>My daughter did once again come over yesterday. We did not spend so much time together but in the short time that we did, she started talking-a little. She did say that he asks her for gas money on occasion and that this was not right as he works full time and she told him she could not pay for that and now pay for a car-he told her it is called "work." Really?? I remained neutral as I listened and responded. She said his mother asked him why my daughter was wearing what appeared to be pj's as she left out their door one morning this week. She has not arrived to my home in pj's this week at all..usually a tshirt and shorts or lounge pants that perhaps could be considered as pj's to some..but I said I am sure she is watching everything you do-even what you wear and relaying this information to him. Supposedly did not think what she was wearing would be something to wear to a college class or two. She then proceeded to say he has not lived with his real father and stepmother since he graduated from high school almost 4 years ago-remember they are the ones that live not too far from us- as his real father would not put up with his "crap." I just listened in hopes she would elaborate on that statement but she did not. She said he called her yesterday while he was out supposedly shopping for clothes and that when she asked him if he was at the store over on our side of town and he responded with profanity as to why would he be over this way when there was the same store closer to him. She ask to meet him-God only knows why- and he said "Hell no." She asked me who talks like that to someone?" I said apparently he does and if you know how someone is, then you should not be surprised in his responses. She did not say anything to that. </p><p></p><p>Well the one thing that I said I would not do and the one thing some others in this forum debated about was allowing him to come to our humble abode. Well the dinner was a no go for sure and my daughter never gave up asking if they could come over this weekend. I have shared with my husband every single message in this forum and we have asked for guidance as to what should we really do in this matter- some have said maybe meet him somewhere-they would want to know who their daughter is with- some have said no- well after speaking to my husband once again-(he was formerly in the Army)he said maybe we should-my biggest fear was that if we do, she will come to expect that he can just come over anytime he pleases-and no matter how this turns out- I absolutely do not want that. He said "know your enemy before the attack." So I broke down and we allowed this man to come over-My husband asked questions about him-his family-he responded very simply-no detailed information. My husband proceeded to ask him how is he and my daughter's relationship-he merely replied-"it is going good." Our daughter was so nervous and walking around. She looked so uncomfortable. She had told me earlier in the day to not mention his parents. Well my husband did. He even told this man that we all should get together with his parents and the room filled with silence. I took my husband to the side and asked him if he thought what we were doing was the right thing. He insisted this is for our daughter and while it might not prove to be, he felt it was as we needed to be face to face with this man. As a little more time went by-this man continued sitting on our sofa staring at the tv as my daughter, husband, and myself sat at our kitchen island and laughed about old times and stories my husband experienced in the service. Now the ironic thing is the movie that was on the tv was one about domestic violence. I asked my husband who turned it to that channel. It was not me and it was not him-so it left only my daughter or this man. We still do not know which one. We continued enjoying ourselves-it was like old times-she laughed like she use to do- she always had the hardiest laugh and the most beautiful smile. That short lived moment felt so great. She once stepped away and walked back to me and said this man was mad. I asked for what. Perhaps he felt out of place?? Well shortly after that, they left. I did ask her was she coming back last night and she briskly walked closer to me and whispered not tonight. I asked why. She said she would tell me later. </p><p>No more than five minutes after she left, she texted me.." I love you. I still want to talk to you. I miss you I wanna be home with u." I responded " I miss you. Why aren't you?" She replied " I'll tell you tomorrow. U want me to come over?" I said yes and she said for lunch and continued writing that she loved me a lot and goodnight mommy. </p><p></p><p>I know I live and breath this child as most parents do. Copabanana- again you pointed out so much- I need to start living for me. This consumes me and I will continue my prayers and keep my faith that this too shall pass. I look forward to the continued support from you all as the kind words and informative words you all have written- I am finding strength from within to get through this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Cindy Marie, post: 709452, member: 21540"] Somewhereout there, Marthacat, and Copabanana-thank you for the continued support.. Copabanana-you have spoken a parable. As I read your message, I could hear my dear mother speaking. Your comment about your mother were the words spoken right out of my mouth. I was so close to my mother and oh how I miss her. Your last two messages were finely written. I feel somewhat as though I may be gaining a little more strength in this matter. My daughter did once again come over yesterday. We did not spend so much time together but in the short time that we did, she started talking-a little. She did say that he asks her for gas money on occasion and that this was not right as he works full time and she told him she could not pay for that and now pay for a car-he told her it is called "work." Really?? I remained neutral as I listened and responded. She said his mother asked him why my daughter was wearing what appeared to be pj's as she left out their door one morning this week. She has not arrived to my home in pj's this week at all..usually a tshirt and shorts or lounge pants that perhaps could be considered as pj's to some..but I said I am sure she is watching everything you do-even what you wear and relaying this information to him. Supposedly did not think what she was wearing would be something to wear to a college class or two. She then proceeded to say he has not lived with his real father and stepmother since he graduated from high school almost 4 years ago-remember they are the ones that live not too far from us- as his real father would not put up with his "crap." I just listened in hopes she would elaborate on that statement but she did not. She said he called her yesterday while he was out supposedly shopping for clothes and that when she asked him if he was at the store over on our side of town and he responded with profanity as to why would he be over this way when there was the same store closer to him. She ask to meet him-God only knows why- and he said "Hell no." She asked me who talks like that to someone?" I said apparently he does and if you know how someone is, then you should not be surprised in his responses. She did not say anything to that. Well the one thing that I said I would not do and the one thing some others in this forum debated about was allowing him to come to our humble abode. Well the dinner was a no go for sure and my daughter never gave up asking if they could come over this weekend. I have shared with my husband every single message in this forum and we have asked for guidance as to what should we really do in this matter- some have said maybe meet him somewhere-they would want to know who their daughter is with- some have said no- well after speaking to my husband once again-(he was formerly in the Army)he said maybe we should-my biggest fear was that if we do, she will come to expect that he can just come over anytime he pleases-and no matter how this turns out- I absolutely do not want that. He said "know your enemy before the attack." So I broke down and we allowed this man to come over-My husband asked questions about him-his family-he responded very simply-no detailed information. My husband proceeded to ask him how is he and my daughter's relationship-he merely replied-"it is going good." Our daughter was so nervous and walking around. She looked so uncomfortable. She had told me earlier in the day to not mention his parents. Well my husband did. He even told this man that we all should get together with his parents and the room filled with silence. I took my husband to the side and asked him if he thought what we were doing was the right thing. He insisted this is for our daughter and while it might not prove to be, he felt it was as we needed to be face to face with this man. As a little more time went by-this man continued sitting on our sofa staring at the tv as my daughter, husband, and myself sat at our kitchen island and laughed about old times and stories my husband experienced in the service. Now the ironic thing is the movie that was on the tv was one about domestic violence. I asked my husband who turned it to that channel. It was not me and it was not him-so it left only my daughter or this man. We still do not know which one. We continued enjoying ourselves-it was like old times-she laughed like she use to do- she always had the hardiest laugh and the most beautiful smile. That short lived moment felt so great. She once stepped away and walked back to me and said this man was mad. I asked for what. Perhaps he felt out of place?? Well shortly after that, they left. I did ask her was she coming back last night and she briskly walked closer to me and whispered not tonight. I asked why. She said she would tell me later. No more than five minutes after she left, she texted me.." I love you. I still want to talk to you. I miss you I wanna be home with u." I responded " I miss you. Why aren't you?" She replied " I'll tell you tomorrow. U want me to come over?" I said yes and she said for lunch and continued writing that she loved me a lot and goodnight mommy. I know I live and breath this child as most parents do. Copabanana- again you pointed out so much- I need to start living for me. This consumes me and I will continue my prayers and keep my faith that this too shall pass. I look forward to the continued support from you all as the kind words and informative words you all have written- I am finding strength from within to get through this. [/QUOTE]
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Now that I kicked my 18 year old daughter out, where do I go from here?
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