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Now that I kicked my 18 year old daughter out, where do I go from here?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 718315" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Cindy. A question. In a blood test like a cbc, will drugs show up if you do not specifically test for them? Did she consent to a multi-panel drug screen?</p><p></p><p>I will be direct here. I am writing to myself as much or more than to you.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like 99.5 percent of her interactions with you are manipulative and deceitful. Have you thought about limiting contact with her?</p><p></p><p>She is showing and telling you that she is living like she wants. Not like you want. This may be the point. This is age appropriate, to seek to define ones own life.</p><p></p><p>She may have sought out a controlling and unacceptable man as a means of separating psychologically. This may be the point.</p><p></p><p>There is a principle in martial arts where one permits an opponent's own force to defeat them by getting out of the way. </p><p></p><p>My son like your daughter has demonstrated he can survive. I hate how he lives. I have tried every manner of influencing him to "live better." I too want him to be safe and not die. I want him to be happy, productive, to thrive.</p><p></p><p>There is a truth in our lives at the heart of things that I will put in my own words. Each of us has within us the capacity to find what is true.</p><p></p><p>The heartbreak for us as mothers is we cannot do it for them.</p><p></p><p>I speak with a spiritual director, a rabbi,who told me: Your son is on his hero's journey and mothers cannot go with them.</p><p></p><p>I feel your pain. I feel the same kind of confusion, loss and distress. </p><p></p><p>I am more and more seeing that the only one I can save is myself.</p><p></p><p>I have to be the center of my own life.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for your suffering. And my own.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 718315, member: 18958"] Cindy. A question. In a blood test like a cbc, will drugs show up if you do not specifically test for them? Did she consent to a multi-panel drug screen? I will be direct here. I am writing to myself as much or more than to you. It sounds like 99.5 percent of her interactions with you are manipulative and deceitful. Have you thought about limiting contact with her? She is showing and telling you that she is living like she wants. Not like you want. This may be the point. This is age appropriate, to seek to define ones own life. She may have sought out a controlling and unacceptable man as a means of separating psychologically. This may be the point. There is a principle in martial arts where one permits an opponent's own force to defeat them by getting out of the way. My son like your daughter has demonstrated he can survive. I hate how he lives. I have tried every manner of influencing him to "live better." I too want him to be safe and not die. I want him to be happy, productive, to thrive. There is a truth in our lives at the heart of things that I will put in my own words. Each of us has within us the capacity to find what is true. The heartbreak for us as mothers is we cannot do it for them. I speak with a spiritual director, a rabbi,who told me: Your son is on his hero's journey and mothers cannot go with them. I feel your pain. I feel the same kind of confusion, loss and distress. I am more and more seeing that the only one I can save is myself. I have to be the center of my own life. I am so sorry for your suffering. And my own. [/QUOTE]
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Now that I kicked my 18 year old daughter out, where do I go from here?
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