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O.M.G! Humungous vent here.....
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 436740" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I could give you a whole lot of suggestions for how to handle this. It is my first instinct because I am a "fixer" and like helping others. Instead I am going to give you a couple of ideas to think about and one HUGE suggestion that I hope and pray you will take. I don't know what Ant's drug of choice is, but I strongly urge you to go to Al Anon and/or Narc Anon. The groups for the families, not the addicts. Your husband has classic codependent behavior and until you get healthier you won't be able to set boundaries as well and choose to not be upset and tied down by his codependence. It would be excellent if he would go also, but I don't know if you want to drag him there or not.</p><p></p><p>I will say to start with a goal of 7 in 7. 7 meetings in 7 days. Go at different times (many places have lunch meetings that are short and to the point so that they fit into a 1 hr lunch with travel time) and to different places so that you can see which ones are the best fit for you. Invest in yourself with your time in the hours when you are not working. You deserve it. You didn't find a husband with addicted kids and a messed up family by accident - you gravitated toward each other because you came from similar backgrounds. Somehow those of us from addicted families can find each other no matter what.</p><p></p><p>Personally I would be pushing him to work a second job to pay for Ant's ins and hte car payment and would take away his wallet and checkbook. But that is how I would handle it with my husband and my husband would not go and get another set of checks or a duplicate card. </p><p></p><p>It is time to start thinking about what would make you leave the relationship. It does not sound like you can trust him. I don't know much about your relationship and all you have experienced with this man so I do not know if it is worthwhile to try to fix/save the marriage or if it owuld be better to leave now. Only you can know that. Whatever you decide, you have my support. I won't say much except I am sorry and I would think about the things I have mentioned if I were in your shoes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 436740, member: 1233"] I could give you a whole lot of suggestions for how to handle this. It is my first instinct because I am a "fixer" and like helping others. Instead I am going to give you a couple of ideas to think about and one HUGE suggestion that I hope and pray you will take. I don't know what Ant's drug of choice is, but I strongly urge you to go to Al Anon and/or Narc Anon. The groups for the families, not the addicts. Your husband has classic codependent behavior and until you get healthier you won't be able to set boundaries as well and choose to not be upset and tied down by his codependence. It would be excellent if he would go also, but I don't know if you want to drag him there or not. I will say to start with a goal of 7 in 7. 7 meetings in 7 days. Go at different times (many places have lunch meetings that are short and to the point so that they fit into a 1 hr lunch with travel time) and to different places so that you can see which ones are the best fit for you. Invest in yourself with your time in the hours when you are not working. You deserve it. You didn't find a husband with addicted kids and a messed up family by accident - you gravitated toward each other because you came from similar backgrounds. Somehow those of us from addicted families can find each other no matter what. Personally I would be pushing him to work a second job to pay for Ant's ins and hte car payment and would take away his wallet and checkbook. But that is how I would handle it with my husband and my husband would not go and get another set of checks or a duplicate card. It is time to start thinking about what would make you leave the relationship. It does not sound like you can trust him. I don't know much about your relationship and all you have experienced with this man so I do not know if it is worthwhile to try to fix/save the marriage or if it owuld be better to leave now. Only you can know that. Whatever you decide, you have my support. I won't say much except I am sorry and I would think about the things I have mentioned if I were in your shoes. [/QUOTE]
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