Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bzymomto4, Jan 4, 2008.

  1. bzymomto4

    bzymomto4 New Member

    new to the site. I am currently getting ready to send my 16 yr old to a theraputic boarding school. Not something I would like to go through again. as I do this I am examining what I have done to create some of the problems that exist. while I know some are our amazing family genetics,I'm sure some are the experiences we have gone through. I think one of the obvious contributing factors is that I am a far too leiniant parent much of the time. I want everyone to have the chance to have the experiences that I was never able to, so I bend over backwards to try to give them the world. This of course backfires when things get out of control, my punishments are a joke and ineffective, then groundings get longer - seeming to harsh. I want to develop a fairly firm schedule that can guide the younger kids and myself to structure playtime, worktime,dinnertime etc. I have one pretty easy kid I always give in to. He's fast and efficient and always does well, has passion for everything he's commited to. My daughter is likely destined for a BiPolar (BP) diagnosis. when her environment is well controlled, she is in control, but when she lives with the flexibility her older brother can tolerate things fall apart for her. I have a fairly good understanding of the strenghth and chalenges of these 2 kids. My real concern comes with my 5 yr old. I tried to go back to work when he was 2 - I worked for about a yr and during that time he suffered with first an imature and neglectful nanny and 2nd he spent a short time with a boarderline psychotic nanny (we figured her out rather quickly). It's difficult to know their total effect on him ( he lost lang for 6 mo) but I have noticed that while he is getting more outgoing and conversant in many settings , he is still defiant when it comes to what is most difficult which is fine motor. He trys to control me when we are working at home and says no to the Occupational Therapist (OT) when at therapy about everything, but is cooperative with his swimming instructor or his skating instructor, as well as in nursery school. My question is does anyone have a chld with odd that young? and what types of parenting techniques can help? or help to prevent these behaviors.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    As most of us on this board have discovered, ODD rarely stands alone. Has he ever been evaluated by a neuropsychologist for Autistic Spectrum Disorder? It is consistent with loss of language and developmental delays, even mild ones. I'd certainly recommend that. If the sixteen year old is "quirky" and strange in the social arena, I'd have her evaluated for Aspergers. My won was labeled both ODD and bipolar and it turns out he's on the spectrum. He's doing great since his diagnosis. I'd especially wonder about that for the little one. Can't hurt to get a neuropsychologist exam. They are very intensive, moreso than other professional exams. Welcome aboard :smile:
  3. jt&at

    jt&at New Member

    We have a daughter with ODD, the oldest of three girls. My wife clearly identified and recognized her behavior being "different" at a very early age, before she was in school. She was a gifted child and for a long time we (mainly me) excused and rationalized her behavior because she was gifted. That was a mistake. We finally had her tested for behavior disorder when she was a teen and she was diagnosed with ODD. I am not sure that if we had her diagnosed and knew about ODD early in her life it would have made any difference for her. It might have helped us understand what we were up against better. She is a grown and outwardly successful woman now but her behavior towards us still causes us a lot of pain. You have our prayers and support. The real challenge is for you and your husband to pull together and to support each other. We are new to this board also and it is already helping us.
  4. weatheringthestorm

    weatheringthestorm New Member

    My difficult child is almost 16 and is BiPolar (BP) and ODD. He's only recently been diagnosis but I've always known something was up with him.

    When he was younger we had to have a very strict and consistant schedule. He literally had a 10 min window in which he had to be put to bed. Any earlier or later he would have major meltdowns. Keeping such a schedule was hard on me. Sometime's I want to just go with the flow. He couldn't.

    We still have to stick to a pretty consistent schedule, but it has more leeway now.

    Now that he's older and diagnosis I find the medications help more than anything.

    You should think about the evaluation. Also, you may want to read
    The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. I ordered it through this site, but you might find it at the library.

    I think the schedule is key.

    Good luck to you and welcome. I'm new too and this site has really helped me.
  5. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    Hi and welcome!! Well, my first thoughts were that at 5, it's really hard to tell because a lot of it may be age-related. That may be true, however, since this is your fourth 5 year old, I'm sure you're even more familiar than I am with what's age appropriate!

    There's a 13 year gap between my first two kids. I'm thankful for that because I have enough time to look at my parenting and see what MUST be done differently. My first one is my difficult child and has always been difficult. If I could go back and do things differently with him, there's lots I would change.

    Parenting techniques that I think would help with your 5 year old is to make sure that there are always consequences to inappropriate behavior. You can't allow him to "get away" with things. Also, if you say something, you have to mean it. NO empty threats and you must follow through. All of your kids need to know, "when mom says something she means business!".

    I don't know if he's too young for this or not, but I wouldn't make any "deals" with him. If he wants something (go outside to play) and he says he'll clean his room when he's done playing (just this once). No, if the rule is clean room THEN play, then that's how it goes. I'm kinda working on this with my 3 year old, FIRST do what I ask, THEN you get xxx.

    These are things that I really have to enforce with my 16 year old difficult child. It's hard now, I wish I would have known and done this when he was 5!!!