new to the site. I am currently getting ready to send my 16 yr old to a theraputic boarding school. Not something I would like to go through again. as I do this I am examining what I have done to create some of the problems that exist. while I know some are our amazing family genetics,I'm sure some are the experiences we have gone through. I think one of the obvious contributing factors is that I am a far too leiniant parent much of the time. I want everyone to have the chance to have the experiences that I was never able to, so I bend over backwards to try to give them the world. This of course backfires when things get out of control, my punishments are a joke and ineffective, then groundings get longer - seeming to harsh. I want to develop a fairly firm schedule that can guide the younger kids and myself to structure playtime, worktime,dinnertime etc. I have one pretty easy kid I always give in to. He's fast and efficient and always does well, has passion for everything he's commited to. My daughter is likely destined for a BiPolar (BP) diagnosis. when her environment is well controlled, she is in control, but when she lives with the flexibility her older brother can tolerate things fall apart for her. I have a fairly good understanding of the strenghth and chalenges of these 2 kids. My real concern comes with my 5 yr old. I tried to go back to work when he was 2 - I worked for about a yr and during that time he suffered with first an imature and neglectful nanny and 2nd he spent a short time with a boarderline psychotic nanny (we figured her out rather quickly). It's difficult to know their total effect on him ( he lost lang for 6 mo) but I have noticed that while he is getting more outgoing and conversant in many settings , he is still defiant when it comes to what is most difficult which is fine motor. He trys to control me when we are working at home and says no to the Occupational Therapist (OT) when at therapy about everything, but is cooperative with his swimming instructor or his skating instructor, as well as in nursery school. My question is does anyone have a chld with odd that young? and what types of parenting techniques can help? or help to prevent these behaviors.