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Substance Abuse
of Saw difficult child in jail last nightnk
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 597841"><p>TL, my son too had a girlfriend who was very similar. IIRC, Nancy had a similar situation and PG is going thru that now. My sons girlfriend was a doll in many ways, well intentioned perhaps, but also 16 going on 30 aka "Sex In the City" from the day they met. Her parents who live in our neighborhood, went from being our friends to being strangers the day our difficult child left our home. (Her parents- who are 10 years older than us- were stereotypical baby boomer, free spirit, be your kids friend instead of a parent, no curfew, open bar, type people. )I can only imagine the fictional horror stories of abuse he must have told them to have them cut us off so completely. He lived with them over breaks, and most of last summer, vacationed with them, spent holidays there. After enabling him for a year, his girlfriend dumped him abruptly at the end of the summer. I can only surmise that reality set in and it wasn't the fantasy independent, "lovers against the world" life she imagined. Quite frankly, I think she out grew him. I thank my lucky stars that she came to her senses -- because if she hadn't dumped him-- I am sure we'd still be spinning our wheels. </p><p></p><p> I think the hardest part is knowing that this person stands in between you and your difficult child. To realize that your beloved child is letting this person (among others) be their guidance and that he is discarding the parental bond, the 20 + year history of you doing right by him and all common sense to follow them. I can remember wanting to tell the girlfriend that she had no idea what she was getting into and that she should run far away from difficult child and boys like him. She was way in over her head and I worried about her. At the same time, I wanted to clobber her & I really resented her because her enabling & her hold on my son was NOT HELPFUL.</p><p></p><p>So, making her your ally may help a lot. It would be even better if she went NC with your son, but that doesn't seem likely right now. I hope that al anon will help her. Rumor is that my sons (ex) girlfriend's dad has an active drinking problem which may explain why my sons's girlfriend was so enabling. M I hope that your difficult child has enough jail time to get him to a place where sober thinking sets in and he is clear headed and willing to do what's best for him.</p><p></p><p> I am sorry you are so down and I really hope brighter days are ahead. {{{hugs}}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 597841"] TL, my son too had a girlfriend who was very similar. IIRC, Nancy had a similar situation and PG is going thru that now. My sons girlfriend was a doll in many ways, well intentioned perhaps, but also 16 going on 30 aka "Sex In the City" from the day they met. Her parents who live in our neighborhood, went from being our friends to being strangers the day our difficult child left our home. (Her parents- who are 10 years older than us- were stereotypical baby boomer, free spirit, be your kids friend instead of a parent, no curfew, open bar, type people. )I can only imagine the fictional horror stories of abuse he must have told them to have them cut us off so completely. He lived with them over breaks, and most of last summer, vacationed with them, spent holidays there. After enabling him for a year, his girlfriend dumped him abruptly at the end of the summer. I can only surmise that reality set in and it wasn't the fantasy independent, "lovers against the world" life she imagined. Quite frankly, I think she out grew him. I thank my lucky stars that she came to her senses -- because if she hadn't dumped him-- I am sure we'd still be spinning our wheels. I think the hardest part is knowing that this person stands in between you and your difficult child. To realize that your beloved child is letting this person (among others) be their guidance and that he is discarding the parental bond, the 20 + year history of you doing right by him and all common sense to follow them. I can remember wanting to tell the girlfriend that she had no idea what she was getting into and that she should run far away from difficult child and boys like him. She was way in over her head and I worried about her. At the same time, I wanted to clobber her & I really resented her because her enabling & her hold on my son was NOT HELPFUL. So, making her your ally may help a lot. It would be even better if she went NC with your son, but that doesn't seem likely right now. I hope that al anon will help her. Rumor is that my sons (ex) girlfriend's dad has an active drinking problem which may explain why my sons's girlfriend was so enabling. M I hope that your difficult child has enough jail time to get him to a place where sober thinking sets in and he is clear headed and willing to do what's best for him. I am sorry you are so down and I really hope brighter days are ahead. {{{hugs}}} [/QUOTE]
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